Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

No OP, you're not being unreasonable. Welcome to Britain. Lots of people here are selfish feckers who have embraced the whole 'outdoor room' culture without thinking, or caring, that it necessarily involves everyone within earshot.

I hate it. The odd party is nice, we all do that. But every time the temperature hits above 19 degrees ...?? Kids screaming and shrieking louder than they have to. Dogs barking all the time. Loud music. Smoke from constant BBQs (and spliffs!).

I live in a village FFS! God knows what it's like these days in the largeish town DH and I moved from a couple of decades ago.

Many people are simply not considerate of others any more.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all op. It does sound annoying. I live in a row of narrow terraces with small gardens and people are just normal. They sometimes entertain and chat, kids play. No loud music, or screaming or shrieking etc. Maybe about 50% English/50% various other nationalities. Just people whove been brought up to be considerate not selfish. I dread any antisocial people moving in.

This is spot-on, I reckon. It's part of the modern British mentality - to go a bit giddy when handed something you don't often get. If the sunshine is part of life where you live for months on end, you don't suddenly change your behaviour.

Even in the fairly staid and countrified corner of SE England where I live, the slightest whiff of a hot day and shirts come off in the town centre. It's really tacky! And people, I mean ordinary people who aren't on holiday, don't do this in France, Portugal, Spain etc.

See also drinking to excess. Why do the British behave as if alcohol is a commodity about to be rationed? I don't see binge drinking and horrible, ugly drunkenness in town centres in continental Europe. It's part of life here.

Forgot to mention I live just outside Greater London

Me too <waves>

In fact it has only just quieted down a bit now, so I'm hoping that's it.

Maybe because that's what they're commonly called?

Plus it paints a picture of size, layout and build.

Most UK housing stock is Victorian or later. By the 1930s, cavity walls were common, which gives better sound insulation. So "Victorian" is more helpful than "old", as a description.

When I was growing up many decades ago we had a neighbour who used to fling open his living room windows and blast Elvis Presley all weekend every weekend all summer long. Anyone who complained got an earful about being a snob.

This isn't a post COVID thing or a new thing. It's a big middle finger raised at the rest of the neighbours, always has been and always will be.

You're right. I'm British and used to.live in the capital so I'm used to noise but as I grew older I moved to the country for peace but in recent years it's become loud as hell. You don't mind it for an occasional gathering or party but ome people just stick their radio on full blast for the hell of it. Every single day. Shout with no need In a tiny garden when everyone is right there next to you! I try to let it go but yeah it's weird and rude.

I live in an old terraced house! It was built in Victorian times but while the sound proofing isn't perfect it is vastly superior to the 80s semi and 90s flat I previously lived in. The walls were like paper and put me off newer homes. Was I unlucky? I'm looking to move so intrigued to know if most newer homes are better

Up until a couple of years ago, it wasn't too bad here, I am on the edge of a council/housing association estate and my house did back on to wasteland/fields.

It is a terrace though, so I could hear next door thundering up and down her stairs, her kid having a tantrum and kicking his bedroom door closed over and over and over (it would bounce open again so this would go on for HOURS. He has grown out of it since)...

In the garden, she'd sit outside her back door having a smoke and all her phone conversations (on speaker phone) would be had out there and sometimes several of her kids would be round with their smalls... and that could get, frustrating, at times.. but within the bounds of normal volume, even if not quite normal behaviour.

The other side for a while had two small children and two very loud parents who were outside unless it was -20 or absolutely chucking it down, and again, that got a bit wearing. In particular the small girl one would have screeching contents with her brother and her friends/cousins 'who can scream loudest/longest/highest pitch...' and the two would also fight a lot and have huge tantrums. They have since moved.

But again, its part of living in a terraced house, frustrating but you have to get on with it.

And then the new bit of the estate was built on the wasteland behind.

We have teenagers yelling from one end of it to the other, its 55 houses on a winding street with a couple of tiny cul de sacs off. They bellow, and swear, and scream, threaten each other...

Several houses like to blare music out of the house to in the garden. At least two have got offensively loud vehicles they rev and race around. Some people have conversations SO loud I can hear every word as if they were next to me.. they are 400 metres away at the closest they can possibly be...

And someone smokes weed so strong it fills up my house (and I am not averse to weed, I use cannabis oil myself occasionally for pain relief and for relaxation... but I would not sit out and smoke it where it can drift into peoples homes!).

So yeah... it isn't all that pleasant and it is because some people do not care, have no fucking manners and zero consideration for anyone but themselves.

To be honest I find your question a little weird because although I don’t know where you’re from, I am British but have lived and worked abroad in a number of different countries and have found the Brits to be extremely conscious of NOT being loud when in their homes/enjoying their gardens AND when in public.

In a lot of countries where I have lived there is no such thing as being too loud when outside or in your own garden! Nobody would dream of complaining about noise made outside. That would be insane. And I find this is the same in a number of different places. In the UK, people are worried about being loud when outside and complain about noises that are considered totally normal and reasonable and not a problem in other countries. Such as children playing. I can’t even imagine the reaction if I complained about the noise of children playing outside here - people would think I was insane and/or some kind of miserable witch. But in the UK it’s very common to complain about this type of noise).

So to answer your question - yes, it is normal for Brits to enjoy their garden in summer but you are wrong about British people not being conscious of noise. That’s not culturally accurate at all. British people are quieter and more conscious about noise than most!

Neighbours like this are boorish and common as muck.

I used to say to dh when we lived in London, why does everyone think we want to listen to their shit music.

Every single time there was sunshine on the weekend, there would be rap, grime, reggae, all blaring ridiculously loud.

I'm from Aus and people are much more considerate when in their backyard. You'd only have music on loud enough for your neighbours to notice if it was an actual party for birthday, NYE etc, not just bbq and friends over type thing.

I think years back more of these people would've gone down the pub and the neighbourhood kids off playing together on the nearest green patch.

Now there's trend for garden bars, hot tubs, outdoor cinema, living room and firepits. In general people are more self centred and no longer bothered what neighbours may think like past.

I think in general people are more selfish and less bothered about what neighbours may think of them to past.

It's all the competing noises that get to me at times although it seems whenever it's hot at least one of the neighbours decides to have a stinky 🔥 so sat sweltering with all the windows shut.

OP...we get so few lovely summer days in the UK that I think the minute the sun comes out, lots of people get a bit giddy with excitement. Off come the shirts (men mostly!), out comes the garden furniture and BBQ. Possibly in other countries where it's consistently hot in the summer, people might be more used to it but here, it's a novelty!

But don't worry, the rain will soon be back and people will be back indoors before you know it. Glad you're settling in well otherwise! 😊

I don't see men walking around town with no shirts on, is that a regional thing maybe?
I have also been lucky in the places I lived, rural and city- no noisy neighbours.
I have three gardens within earshot of my own and the loudest activity is a lawnmower. There are no kids, no dogs, my neighbours are all either retired or middle aged with grown up children.
My neighbours entertain frequently, but never music, just the muffled sound of quiet conversation.
It is bliss.

My experience is similar to @Dazedandbemused0 i’ve lived in a few other countries and found the UK to be one of the quieter and people more self conscious. Also this age bashing about younger people not caring about others doesn’t fit with me either. I live in a house surrounded by other houses with lots of young families and never had issues. Obviously you can have things ruined by anti-social people who are a problem but I’ve been next to one thankfully.

We haven't hit peak hot yet, either. Can't put the fan on in my car due to smokers with open windows in the cars in front, or equally stinking vapers. Can't not be in the car due to being a carer and taking people out into the community. So it's either us melting or having stench being blown in the car. Usually resort to melting. Always amazed that people still inhale shit tbh.

Came on to post something like this. Most of the time it's pissing down and the OP won't hear a thing.

@MonumentalLentil
They all live in my road and the one that backs on to us. Voices that make your ears bleed and it's seems impossible that they could be so loud and so small at the same time.

My next door neighbours on one side screech and squeal and whine but no other children in the street (other side or children playing out) have been a problem.

In a way, I envy you!

I do love the sunshine and warmth to a degree when it's not crazy hot or humid, but as this thread shows, it can also mean much more noise and much more awareness of neighbours!!

I do think the pandemic and lockdown meant people changed their mindset about their gardens and began creating an outside "room" on a much wider scale than before. Climate change means far more days of sunshine (at least in the south!) so more days in the garden.

And those who mention conference calls or the like in the garden - far more people work from home now, adding to the sheer number of people at home

It must seem weird, watching or reading the news about heatwaves when it's cold and grey where you live!

Where I live it's mainly older and retired people and you get the sounds of lawnmowers and hedge trimmers and the occasional dog barking, no music or shouting. It depends on the type of area and who lives there.

Oh this is amazing! I love your dog!

Well thank you for keeping me company yesterday and allowing me to talk about my frustrations! 😁 I have noticed another difference which works in my favour...often these houses finish early, so at maybe midnight or half past midnight, it was calm. Actually knowing this is a "thing" allows me to accept it more, maybe now I will make my breakfast and play radio FIP at maximum 😁