Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

@3andstopping horses for courses indeed . I differ with you on noise outside 10 - 10 being harmless - without wanting to sound pretentious , I'm a musician and sensitive to noise. I try to check in with my neighbours about when I play , as I'm aware of what a nuisance it can be. We're all different but we weren't really designed to live surrounded by amplified noise all the time and it's stressful - I'm envious of you being a laid back person and not worried by it , but it seems from this thread that there are plenty of others who find loud noise harmful x

Why does no-one on Mumsnet ever say "I live in a row of old terraced houses?"

They always have to mention they're Victorian, like that makes a difference 🤣🤣

The sound proofing is shit in all old terraced houses no matter who was on the throne when they were built.

It is indeed. This is such a hard topic to talk about because of being accused of racism, but they do have a lifestyle that is not compatible with most people. I live in a really muti cultural area and until Roma people arrived there were never any issues, I understand what a difficult history they have and the terrible persecution they have experienced but they seem to be so outside the norms of acceptable behaviour and show no willingness to make even small changes. My neighbours deal scrap and pile it high in their yard and as I said have people coming and going dropping stuff off at all hours of the day and night. I don't expect people to be quiet all the time, but the constant daily noise is grinding me down. A friend had a similar family next door to her and one day they just upped and left and I hope that this is what my neighbours will do.

I'm a musician and sensitive to noise. I try to check in with my neighbours about when I play , as I'm aware of what a nuisance it can be.

What does 'I try to check in' actually mean though?

And what if they said they didn't want to hear your noise at any time?

@Lifeonmars
This sounds very hard and I understand its difficult because you don't want to sound racist. There are cultural issues that can't be denied however. For example living here I would say the English are noisier outdoors, however I would say they also have a much better attitude towards animals, they seem to treat them like "people", its a vision I agree with.

Mildly amusing with the ‘so much worse than in my day’ folk from the golden era.

Young people do this. Have always done this. OK, it’s more alienating when you’re no longer young and don’t get the youth culture. Mais plus ça change and all that.

You’ll experience it wherever you live to a greater or lesser extent wherever you live but in cities, space is obviously at a premium. France for example, is over twice the size of the UK but with pretty much the same population size.

When I was much younger, I was selfishly unaware of any generation outside my immediate circle. I was a twatty neighbour all over Europe - but presumably I pissed off fewer people and got away with it more outside London and Manchester!

@Bobbii89

I don’t mind people enjoying their gardens but I do mind when they decide we all must want to listen to their shitty music on loud ALL day in the summer, regularly punctuated by screaming teenagers and swearing adults. Naturally complete with hot tub, tiki bar and a trampoline.

This is all she said about her neighbours. Where did she say they swore at her?

‘Naturally complete with hot tub, tiki bar and a trampoline.’

Made her look like a judgmental twat.

@Nellynoowhoareyou
I disagree with your analysis. Of course France is a bigger country with more space for the same people, but we aren't discussing the empty spaces of the creuse or villages in the countryside, we are talking about neighbours in cities which will be the same density and issues in England or France (only difference is the road of houses will be replaced with apartments, same problems except vertical vs horizontal)

Ha I've been reading this thread thinking this. A lot of people seem to think people have become more inconsiderate but maybe people have also become less tolerant of human noise? It's all objective I suppose but I think if you live on a terrace you have to accept some of this kind of stuff!

@WonderfulUsername good question. I always ask when I move somewhere , if it's bothering people and thankfully they usually say 'we enjoy it' but I keep checking regularly and I do try to scrutinize their face in case they're just being polite 😄I say please let me know if there are particular times when it's bad or good to play. As much as possible I use an electric instrument with headphones and then get out to a practice room to play at full volume

Sadly not always the under 40's.
Have had neighbours both in their late 50's and early 60's thinking its acceptable to dictate what music choices people in the surrounding area has to listen to whether early morning or late evening.

Made worse by their lonely brain cell not realising that if they turned the music down a bit they wouldn't have to shout at each other to be heard while having a conversation.

It's a mix at times

My neighbours drive me nuts this time of year. Endless barbecues with all the smoke and shrieking in the garden, particularly tonight. Mostly young people. The music is the worst though as I really don’t want to listen to someone else’s music, ever. My answer to this are noise cancelling headphones but it is very tedious and boring.

Feeling a lot of solidarity here. One of our neighbours has a party at least once a week, not limited to weekends. During the summer this is inevitably in the garden. I am fine with the adults chattering and children playing. What I can’t stand is their outrageously loud music. They must have a full on outdoor sound system because it is louder than my tv, even when my windows are closed (and we are detached). Usually it finishes by 10.30, which some people would consider ‘reasonable’, so I don’t know whether I have any right to complain to them or the council. But given it impacts on my ability to enjoy even the inside of my house on a regular basis I struggle to accept this is something we should just live with. I actually hate them, and I don’t say that lightly. It is so inconsiderate and I really feel for others in the same boat.

Noisy neighbours must be hell. Sympathies. My problem is perversely the opposite. You know how it is when the radio is on just too softly to hear the words but you know words are being spoken, and unconsciously your brain strains to hear? Well, our neighbours are like that. Wonderful in that they’re not noisy but I can’t help automatically straining to hear what they’re saying. ( I don’t want to know btw ). And it gives me a headache! Just a few decibels higher so my ears can easily hear them but not so loud they disturb me!

Just to add to my previous comment, in my experience it’s not age related. I’m under 40 (just!) and enjoy the garden but quietly, speak to the family at normal volume, don’t play music outside. Our surrounding neighbours in their 50’s seem to think that they’re playing Glastonbury with their outdoor karaoke sessions until the early hours, scream at their teenagers, scream their goodbyes whilst others are in bed, and, lucky us, regularly bring the party (speakers included) out to the front street to noisily interact with one another. I find it obnoxious.

I think we must live on the same street! Similar party going on now nearby with drinking games and music! No consideration for anyone!

You know how it is when the radio is on just too softly to hear the words but you know words are being spoken, and unconsciously your brain strains to hear? Well, our neighbours are like that. Wonderful in that they’re not noisy but I can’t help automatically straining to hear what they’re saying. ( I don’t want to know btw ). And it gives me a headache! Just a few decibels higher so my ears can easily hear them but not so loud they disturb me!

jesus wept 🫠

This all sounds absolutely hideous and I am so grateful for all my lovely considerate neighbours who don't behave like this. I do agree Brits are generally loud and annoying - when we go abroad we avoid any resort area that is likely to be full of loud, sweary, inconsiderate Brits who are often drinking from 11am and don't seem to care how their loud conversation often full of swear words is offensive and irritating to others.
Everyone has the right to enjoy their gardens and for some people that is being able to sit outside and enjoy quiet conversation without loud music and shrill laughter/shrieking and hearing every word of next door's conversation.

If you like rain you need to move to Ireland!

@3AndStopping just a few posts down she commented that she had tried to talk to them and just got sworn at.

Guessing you have a trampoline/tiki bar/hot tub or all three then? Is that why you jumped straight into a personal attack rather than reading?

Struggling to see how any normal person could read those posts and think the swearing, noisy all day, selfish neighbours were the ones coming off best!

England is a depressing country and I’m guessing by the fact you’re describing you’re so close to your neighbours, you are probably working class in terraced/semi detached housing like myself. It’s miserable most of the year combined with the quality of life atm. The sun has cheered people up ever so slightly. Let them be. They’ll be back inside struggling to heat their homes and being depressed again before you know it.

To an extent conversation and even music in gardens has long been a thing. But I think firstly we've become less friendly and more cliquey; in the past, you'd have got an invite to your neighbour's party. And secondly no homeowner wants a neighbour dispute on record for fear it will affect their property value, so the major arseholes don't get held to account.

You’re not being unreasonable. My neighbors have very noisy parties till early morning every weekend! This is not normal! I’m sitting on Mumsnet reading posts right now as I’m forced to stay awake by the c**ts neighbors

I don’t think I’ve ever waited so expectantly to see the results of a poll😅 I don’t know, I think your space is for living in so would expect some noise, but at the same time think people should think of their neighbours