Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

People are more inconsiderate these days I think. If it gets too noisy I stay indoors because I don’t want to hear other people’s music and loud voices. I also don’t remember people being like this when I was growing up ( long time ago😂)

You’re so lucky

I live in a UK city - a crescent of Victorian terraced houses divided into flats- the ground floor flats having access to their own private gardens and all owners having ownership of and access to a large, locked, private communal garden with lawns and woodland paths. I don't hear a peep from anyone either.

We don’t get bbq weather very often so when we do we do tend to enjoy it, and have friends round, and talk. Sometimes we even laugh - loudly. It’s ok, it will be cold again before you know it and we’ll all be miserable inside again.
YABU

Hell is other people. I don’t think this is necessarily a new phenomenon (apart from the sheer number of barking dogs which has definitely increased since Covid). Twenty years ago we lived in a terraced house - our neigbours were an elderly couple who played Dean Martin at full volume all day every day and had their grandkids round practically every day to scream and bounce endlessly on the trampolene they had bought to entertain them. It drove us out in the end.

I think it's a class thing. Very common on working class large estates. Doesn't happen in any of the middle class areas that I've lived in.

Yes, British adults have shouty gatherings in gardens, and when there's drink involved it gets louder. It's like that where I live too. Noise from kids is one thing but adults are getting louder generally. Radios and music drive me particularly mad- there are such things as headphones, who wants to hear your shit music? If it's not guffawing and guldering around dinks, it's endless machinery razing tiny lawns to stubble. The main reason why I prefer the winter.

I’d agree about Spain, I think there was a WHO report a few years ago showing it was one of the noisiest countries on earth ( but lately there have been initiatives to try and abate it). However in France there is a cultural norm about not being overly noisy in public spaces/ in spaces where it could impact others. Doesn’t mean it’s always respected but it does exist

no One out in their gardens tonight here. Very quiet. Worst I get is a hot Saturday afternoon/evening when some neighbours have friends round for a bbq. I shut the windows and can’t hear it. We have had various neighbours over the last 25 years here that have had teenagers who have had gatherings and played their music and shouted
longer than I’d like, but I’ve had my teenagers too and they’ve probably done the same, although I insisted music off at 10.

I guess OP in answer to your question, it depends where you live. A sleepy village with big houses in the Home Counties or North Yorkshire is unlikely to be like where you are now.

“Back in my day we never…” yeah back in your day people would go up the pub or social club. The worlds moved on.

What is all this rubbish about only two weeks of summer in the UK?! It’s just not true!

My best friend who lived in a very desirable area of Bristol was driven out of her Victorian terrace by the doped up Trustafarian next door who played trance music at all hours.

Unfortunately some people see it as normal. Id quite like to sit in my garden and enjoy the peace but some people don't consider anyone else around them.
I dont want to hear all the neighbours music or shouting at each other or kids screaming I find it really inconsiderate

@Fuckthatguy mid week too at times rain doesn't stop them either!

Our neighbours are very quiet in their gardens. Im not convinced anyone goes outside sometimes.

We eat outside every possibleopportunity, but its normal conversation levels. I wouldnt play music outdoors.

I would say perhaps it’s regional? I live in a town in a rural area, on a housing estate with around 120 households and have never experienced this. In places where houses are more packed together there’s more likelihood of having noisy neighbours.

For enjoying the nature quietly?

Things have culturally changed over the past few decades. It wasn’t long ago that to see cafes extended on to the street was rare, now it is commonplace, whole restaurants on the pavement, this is very new. I blame it on global warming. So now people treat their outside space like another room with little regard to its public nature.
I live in a student area and thought that was the main reason, on the whole they are fine but sometimes very noisy - people get noisy as they get drunk. I think that is universal, drunkenness never used to be outside here. And it seems you are in a regular neighbourhood - how strange. Come on rain 😓😋flush them back indoors.

Complain to your husband, said baby and any family that will listen 😂

I’m very fortunate in my neighbours. Both sides are quiet. One lot have a lot of quiet picnics with grandchildren, the other is a woman my own age and I never hear a peep. I think there’s only been a couple of times my neighbours might have heard me: I was effing and jeffing at the cat once for leaving a half dead mouse on the patio and didn’t realise they were sitting just the other side of the fence. 😳

The world is so loud now and people have less respect for public etiquette.

I keep reading articles about noise sensitivity and the boom in products like loop earplugs, and whilst I'm sure some people are genuinely over sensitive to noise I also suspect we are often pathologising a natural reaction to the volume of modern life.

I would love you as my neighbour OP!

Used to live next to people that laid out in their front garden and spent most of the summer days playing and making noises. Moved away cos of the constant noise and mess. People are definitely more inconsiderate, they literally don't care that their actions affect others. You should never feel under siege in your own home.

Became much worse where I used to live when COVID normalised so much more outdoor socialising and people had garden bars etc fitted. Plus the standing around outside clapping after the sodding NHS clap as well - took a lot of people’s filter off, and then of course lots of pubs closed in the same kind of time so places for people to go dwindled. Also then we’ve had this push for street parties as well.

Our old neighbour used to sit out there every night with half the street, watch TV (sometimes with a squarking parrot out there in it’s cage too), had a darts board set up out there and would have parties most weekends that would end up in drunken garden karaoke till gone 4am.

We have now moved - still garden noise and parties, but the houses are bigger so more spread out now and it’s much more tolerable. Of course then we got our comeuppance when Download upgraded their sound system so THAT became the garden noise!

So .. I think some of this is cultural - in that we are so excited about a spell of hot weather, we all go a bit mental and crank up the barbecues and drink a lot. Fortunately perhaps - the sunny spells are often short and not predictable. I think you might need to accept that the coming week/s is going to be noisy but soon the rain will come and/or the novelty will wear off. Good luck - you sound like a lovely neighbour. So sit back and enjoy the exuberance of the brits on a hot day… and think of the fun they are having away from Netflix and darkened room.