Aibu to not want my dd watching this at her dads?

[lovelyjubblymum]

Dd14 goes to her dad's every other weeks and they spend a lot of their time watching films "to bond" he says

The other day we saw the film This is England on TV guide and she told me she's seen it before w her dad. The film is 18 rated and is about skinheads, full of bad/racist language and violence. Aibu to not want her watching this?

It's not like she is sitting watching it on her own... I'm assuming she is sensible enough to know it's only a film and language like that is inappropriate in everyday life?

Unless she’s a very young 14 I don’t think that would bother me.

Not sure you can really police what her dad allows at his house either way though really.

I wouldn’t be happy. There are ratings for a reason and teenagers are especially vulnerable.

It depends what your concerns are about and what the content is. That's when parent guides can be quite useful to break down why a rating has been given. Some films may be rated primarily for language, or for sexual content, and you might think actually my 14 year old is fine with that but they are sensitive to violence or frightening scenes. Or some violence is okay with you but you really don't like them watching sexual behaviour. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/this-is-england

On things like the racism front - if the film is exploring why people hold racist ideas, and challenging that, rather than celebrating the characters for their racism, then that's different to just here's a film with racist terms frequently being used.

But ratings vary from country to country. It's 18 in the UK, but R in the US, which means any age can watch it, as long as they are accompanied by an adult. Even in the UK, when it came out Bristol Council disagreed with the rating and only gave it a 15 in their area. Blanket ratings don't really work and parental responsibility should come into play.

There are a couple of disturbing rape scenes too. It’s not something I’d be comfortable watching with someone underage…..or with my parents.

I'd have been ok with my 14 year olds watching that with an adult. It's far better to have an adult to chat about any issues than her to watch it on her own, because she easily could

I think these things are parental decisions.

I think 14 is OK for an 18 film. They are not babies at 14.

I wouldn't choose it for my 14yo personally, but yours is watching it under parental supervision. If there are any unpleasant scenes he can fast forward if he thinks they are inappropriate.

I think 14 is okay for that movie to be honest. If she was 8 I'd have understood.

You can be unhappy with it but you can’t stop him parenting as he sees fit in his home, unless he’s causing harm. It’s not ideal but unlikely to cause harm - as far as films go, it’s not that bad.

If not at 14, when would she be old enough to see a bit of how racist Britain was in the recent past? I think it’s almost an educational film. They learn about the Holocaust and genocide at a younger age, so why not learn about racism?

How is this 'bonding' watching this puerile this rubbish? What is wrong in taking her out and doing stuff together where they actually have to talk to each other?
Sounds like a lazy thing to do , watch a shit film he wants to watch? Sounds dead beat dad tbh.

Aibu to not want her watching this?

Bit late isn't it, if she has already watched it?

Pedantic, I think OP is referring to dd watching 18 rated stuff in general, when so many mners treat their 18/19 yos like kids. OP's dd is 14.

It depends on the child I think. I definitely watched plenty of 18 rated films at 14 (and under) and never felt negatively influenced or upset by them. DD would also be fine with This Is England and I agree it approaches topics that exist in real life, topics that DD and I have discussed such as racism and sexual consent. DS meanwhile would find that very hard to watch and I wouldn't think it suitable for him at 14.
I don't think it's stupid to bond over films either. DD and I are big film fans and go to the cinema a lot and have a watch list of classics we are going through. It's definitely something we enjoy doing together and talking about.
Does DD seem worried or scared by the content?

14 is old enough to watch something as educational as Made in England.

Spot who's never seen the film!

I don't think there are any rape scenes in the film, you're thinking of the TV series that followed.

At 14, going on 15, we pretty much let our kids watch anything they wanted. They were/are sensible and obviously we would talk about certain films with them to add context. A film like that wouldn’t suddenly make good kids racist or violent.

She's at secondary school, she will see & hear all sorts of eye watering stuff! A film that is thought provoking on class and culture is probably a good thing to engage with.

How is this 'bonding' watching this puerile this rubbish?

Have you actually seen this film? There's some really important themes regarding racism and 80's politics that would be excellent for a mature discussion with a 14 year old.

Also there is no rape in the film. That's the TV series.

TBH watching This Is England with a parent at 14 sounds pretty good to me - its a bloody good show.

I think I would be happy wi5 a 14 year old watching the film, it's based on the reality of a time not that long ago and although quite gritty is not alarming. The program on the other hand I couldn't even watch.