Aibu to not want my dd watching this at her dads?

[lovelyjubblymum]

Dd14 goes to her dad's every other weeks and they spend a lot of their time watching films "to bond" he says

The other day we saw the film This is England on TV guide and she told me she's seen it before w her dad. The film is 18 rated and is about skinheads, full of bad/racist language and violence. Aibu to not want her watching this?

Another one who went to school an expert on how shite heroin is the next day I see ;)

I would not let my 14 year old watch it, would wait till they are 16. I think lazy Dad wanted to watch it. Bonding, haha lazy, lame excuse.

We were watching Debbie does Dallas and scum. I watched 18+ films with all of my DD's, but felt too uncomfortable to watch anything with sexual violence in. But you can use this stuff to open up discussions. You are going to have to let this go, or they might just lie to you. If he'd take it onboard I'd mention keeping a watch on gratuitous sexual assaults etc.

Does anybody else read these type of threads and think, God when I was 14 it wouldn't even occur to me to mention this to my Mum? She also wouldn't have really cared 🤣

It's just a film, 14 year olds are not babies. Things are so different now, I watched all sorts at that age and didn't bat an eyelid.

Teenagers nowadays are none stop on their phones and social media and parents are worried about 18 rated films. Hilarious.

I am very strict with age ratings until age 14, when the themes I was worried about cease to be an issue around this age and become something they are mature enough to discuss. This is England is a coming of age movie about the impressionability of teenagers, and how disadvantaged men who lack of support system and positive role models can turn to nationalism and become violent. I think it is a beautifully made film worthy of the many awards it received. It even got me into classical music as a teenager. Some people are confusing it with the TV show. I wouldn't sent my 14 year old to see the rape scene in the TV series, though it is a very powerful storyline. More appropriate for age 16+.

The themes go deeper than that. It is also about false impressions on youth culture, right wing politics, war politics, music culture and Thatcherism. It does an amazing job of humanizing a violent right wing neo nazi. That is a very powerful theme for a teenage girl to consider. You can discuss the tragic but very common belief a lot of women have that abusive men can't be abusive if they are in other ways kind and loyal.

I would've been more happy if she watched with me and discussed these themes and ideas, but she says normally when she watches with her dad they just sit in silence watching it

If she's an NT 14 year old and she has not expressed any distress about it YABU. He made a parental decision to allow her to watch that film whilst under his care. Its actually a very good film which has a lot of interesting historical and political ideas within it. Its also not very graphic or upsetting at all... I am shocked if it is an 18? I didnt know that. Id let me 8yo watch it tbh but I think he'd be very bored because its themes aren't going to be understood by younger children... a 14 year old would get alot out of it tho. Its certainly not something I'd prevent any teen from watching as I think it has a lot of value and isn't sexually graphic or gory.

I’m with many others in that if she is watching such films WITH her dad I wouldn’t be too concerned. To say they are bonding over films implies they are doing more than just sitting in front of the screen, but also discussing them.

Now you may want to bring it up still and ask to told when they are watching mature films together so you can also be aware of what themes she is seeing and what discussions may be appropriate to have. Let him know it took you off guard and would like to be better kept in the loop on their movie choices. I don’t think you can reasonably tell him “absolutely not” though.

Bonding, haha lazy, lame excuse.

Some people are complete tools. If films are a passion and interest then this can be a great bonding experience. I have loved sharing films with my DDs - they have taken some to their hearts, some not, that's the way it goes.

BU or not, it's parental choice so up to him. I was watching much worse (and nothing as thought provoking as This Is England) when I was 14.

So you're OK with her watching it? It's their choice on their time. She obviously enjoyed it if she sat and watched it with him. It's hard to find a film my 13 year old will watch with me! I usually have to pay for the cinema.

If she mentioned it, and has also told you they dont discuss it when they watch, maybe you should discuss it instead and then as per your previous comment, there'd be no problem.

It was quite convenient that you found out about the series before you had the chance to address how many people had said you were BU, so you could carry on criticising dad instead!
I don't think I'd be overjoyed about her seeing 86 either tbh, but I do agree with pp that it's impossible to police what teens watch these days. They all essentially have a small tv in their hand most of the day. Probably better to just have the conversations about content, even after the fact, teaching them to think about and process what they've seen.

I'd much rather my DD chose to watch a thought provoking film that explores social issues like this than the gibberish she watches on YouTube.

I'd much rather my DD chose to watch a thought provoking film that explores social issues like this than the gibberish she watches on YouTube.

This x 1,000,000

This is England is an amazing film! The person who described it as puerile clearly hasn’t seen it. It’s on the film studies A Level specification for crying out late - so studied at an Academic level. We teach it to Year 13 so students are 17/18 but I wouldn’t have a problem with my son watching it at 14

It's actually a really great thing to do, to introduce a young person to a filmmaker like Shane Meadows who has lots to say about the society they live in.

Roger Ebert used to bemoan the US ratings system which meant young people couldn't see films which they could really do with seeing, just because of some of the more challenging content.

It’s fine. If you’re that worried watch it yourself and make up your own mind, then chat about it with her. You’ll get so many personal opinions on here as it’s all subjective.

There are some jarring scenes in film and series, but as someone else says, I’d be more rolling my eyes at them watching Love Island or similar 😂

I was a mature and intelligent 14yo and watched this and a bunch of similar (ie adult but thought provoking) movies at that age and think it was really beneficial. I developed a real love of movies and it challenges you to think about deep topics. Better than watching kids movies and rom coms that don’t have that much to think about. Watching with her dad is a really great way to ensure she’s watching them in a mature way and will give them some great stuff to talk about after. You could try watching some with her too.

I think he should have discussed it with you first