Aibu to not want my dd watching this at her dads?

[lovelyjubblymum]

Dd14 goes to her dad's every other weeks and they spend a lot of their time watching films "to bond" he says

The other day we saw the film This is England on TV guide and she told me she's seen it before w her dad. The film is 18 rated and is about skinheads, full of bad/racist language and violence. Aibu to not want her watching this?

That doesn't mean it's ok to also expose them to something else.
I loved tha series but the scene where she is raped by her father is thoroughly shocking and has stayed with me. I would not want my 14 year old to watch it

Of all the 18-rated films I would think that's one of the best for a 14-year-old to see. It's quite educational, as well as being a really great piece of art.

@Mylifeislikeaboatrace

its not , it’s a brilliant film
and you don’t have to be entertaining a 14 year old with chat and activities 24/7

@Simianwalk the rape scene is from the TV series which picks up after the events of the film called This is England.

OP's daughter has seen the film, not the TV series.

No one is recommending that a 14 year old watches the follow up TV series.

Agree, that rape scene stayed with me for years too. So did the drug gang rape scene in a caravan in a field at a rave in a much later series.

I bought the film, then the series on DVD. They're a favourite of both mine and my 15 yr old granddaughter.
She watched it with me when I first bought it around ten years ago.
I would just let her and her dad get on with op.
It's a brilliant film and series.

I would be fine with my daughters watching that with an adult at 14. I think watching movies and documentaries on controversial subjects can be educational as it opens up discussions.

Of course it's fine for her to watch This Is England! She's 14!!

This is England the film - fine
This is England 86 and so on - absolutely not

Haven't read the rest of the thread but I just had to comment on this.

Ratings are there for a reason: may I enter into evidence Watership Down which was a U until recently.

I had forgot how disturbing this cartoon was and it was a spectacular parenting fail on my part due to trusting ratings. Set DS up - at his request - with a few of his little pals on a playdate watching this while I did some cleaning. I'm told one of them still has a nervous twitch 5 years later.....

(On the flip side it stopped DS haranguing me for a pet rabbit...every cloud and all that)

@Mylifeislikeaboatrace I'm a mum and one thing my boys love to do with me is watch films and have a movie night. Sorry to hear you have some sort of moral standing on that and only outside activities are 'worth' being calling bonding experiences.

@lovelyjubblymum My older sons are 14 now, and I've just started letting them watch some rated 18 films. If I've seen them, and I know what happens won't be something that'll traumatise them. I haven't actually seen This Is England so I can't comment directly on that, but I've let them watch The Walking Dead with me a few times. On the other hand - one of them wants to watch The Batman and I've said no; I think it's far too gruesome and dark for him at this time.

Bad language doesn't bother me one bit though tbh. It would be sexual assaults and excessive torture type stuff that would lead me to say no.

I watched it when I was around that age, what are you concerned about exactly? It highlights important issues and it’s a good film!

This is England the film doesn't have a rape scene in it but Pulp Fiction has a pretty horrific rape scene in it that I think a lot of people forget about or brush over.

This was in response to a previous commenter, just realised I didn't quote properly!

I don’t agree. Shane Meadows makes amazing and powerful films that challenge, not promote, the awful things humans do. She’s 14, not eight.

You sound very controlling. Why is “to bond” in inverted commas as though they couldn’t possibly by bonding?

Maybe he does take her out. Maybe they go out all day every day and this is a relaxing activity. Maybe she’s going through a difficult teen phase and watching a film together provides valued common ground. Maybe they have little rituals like buying snacks or having food, maybe during a film is time to chat without forcing it. Honestly, there is a whole lot of judgement here labelling him a shit dad on the basis of incredibly limited information.

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. She’s 14 and clearly her dad thinks that she is mature enough to handle the content. Probably not a good idea to start telling her dad what she can and can’t watch during their time together either.

I think back to what I was watching at 14 years old including 18 rated movies, horror movies, Sex & the City, porn even. She's a teenager so she's going to watch these things with or without your permission I think unless you keep her under lock and key.

So no I personally don't think it's unreasonable. But I am also not her parent. So do whatever you deem fit.

At 14 do people still really police what their children watch? I guess maybe different if she’s just turned 14, or nearly 15. Unless your child is particularly sensitive, I think at that age most kids watch 18 films, whether it be in their rooms on their tablets, with parental consent or with friends. Saying no to a film will just make them curious and result in them watching it at their friends house anyway.

I was talking to her again about it today and she admitted she has seen the 86 series (the one that contains the rape scenes). Is this a lot worse? I understand she's seen it now and there's not much I can do but I'm still upset her dad let her see this. I know she's not my baby anymore but I still don't want her to see these things

At 14 I remember the film we were all watching was Kidulthood - full of violence, drugs, sex etc etc. All the programmes like Skins were full of it. Honestly teenagers are well aware of all this x

Honestly? You might not want her to watch these things, but she will. Probably has seen this and worse at secondary school. Social media is full of uncensored adult content. Even when I was at secondary in the 90s with no mobile phone access we managed to get hold of films, books and all sorts. MORE magazine had "position of the week" and was full of sexual content and I was buying that at school.
I'd rather she watch that film and series than bloody toxic Love Island or similar.

I watched trainspotting at quite a young age and it completely put me off taking drugs - some might not be suitable but may help teach very important lessons along the way.

Quality movie, good grown up movie to watch with a parent also.
I might be biased, my mum took me to see Trainspotting when I was 14 and I felt so cool :)