Teen and her prom dress

[Promdressproblem]

My dd has her prom next week and she's tried her dress on this week and it's too small . She's been overindulging herself recently with iced coffees , crisps , chocolates, she has put on weight very quickly. She's quite curvy carrying her weight on her legs and shoulders and she can't zip it up .

So I asked her to basically go on a diet , go swimming , she has a proper swimming pool in the garden , explaining to her we can't just order her a new dress in a week so she thinks we can just take it to a seamstress ... taking NO responsibility to lose this weight so she can get Into the dress. Infact ignoring there is an issue .
However I explained to her sbout how much weight she's putting on is an issue too and perhaps exercise and diet wouldn't hurt her ..

She also doesn't live with me and her family are basically under the impression that if her dress doesn't fit, she's not willing to lose weight and try to get the dress to fit that I'm basically pampering her if I try to find a new dress rather than make her take the consequences...

I feel her prom is the most important day so far and I feel like she's almost being body shamed at 16 for putting on weight . I get it , she's been over eating and should face consequences for that but surely not at the expense of her prom ?

I can't see the wood for the trees right now coz I want to pull out a new dress at the last second rather than have her disappointed but her family don't seem too happy with that and want her to realise you've got to put effort into everything you want in life.

She's a size 12-14 not massive but she has had a lot of negativity (not from me) around her weight recently and I worry this could spark eating issues with her so for the sake of £50 and getting her a new dress I wonder if it's worth it?

Or am I infact bailing her out again and instead she needs to face the consequences of over eating and potentially miss her prom ?

Voting ... I'm being unreasonable she should miss the prom due to her not taking responsibility

I'm NOT being unreasonable... just buy her a new dress !!

Tell her to rely on a responsible adult for help and advice next time because you're clearly as useful at helping with her self esteem as a chocolate teapot.
Your own child is in foster care and in this scenario you tell her to go on a diet to lose weight in a week?
Have you always seen her as someone else's responsibility? And you'll pick up the tab afterwards? Fucks sake.

She lives with foster carers, and they have a swimming pool in their garden, and they're likely to get upset with you if you buy a dress for her, and likely to try to make her feel ashamed of her body/size/weight?
Is this a private fostering arrangement, or something set up by a local authority? Are you in the UK? Have the foster carers had any training in how to er care for teenage girls?

I can't quite follow the OP, but I understand someone is trying to get the girl to lose weight within a week to fit into a dress that won't even zip up. We're not talking 'it's a bit tight', we're talking, it won't zip up. That means the dress is at least one size too small, if not two.

It is physically impossible to lose that much weight in a week, even with a mild eating disorder.

I'm not sure why you can't get another dress in a week, unless it was one of those prom dresses ordered from China with a 12-week lead time. And if it was one of those dresses... did it ever fit? Because they're notorious for getting the sizing small.

Someone just needs to buy the poor girl a dress that fits and stop shaming her about her body.

She'll be overeating because she's so miserable being in foster care.

There is so much wrong with your attitude towards her but I can't even get into that right now.

Buy her a new dress. Make her feel special and not like a piece of shit.

Then after the prom talk about healthy eating and exercise in a non damaging way.

Who pays for alterations on a £50 dress?

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Oh I don't know... people who don't have other choices because they can't afford it?

People who just love the dress and want to do what they can to keep it?

Is this some modern Cinderella type fable?

You could take the dress to be altered with DD and then she could get use out of the dress..as well as having a back up dress if the order doesn't come through.

Why aren't the carers feeding her better?

I do hope this isn't real.

Buy her a new dress for goodness sake! There’s time enough for teaching her about diet and exercise. This isn’t the time.

Speak to her foster carers and arrange for a new dress (buy or hire) that she can try on and make sure it fits properly. At 16 she may still be growing and changing shape without particularly overeating or dieting. After prom talk about healthy eating and exercise

So I asked her to basically go on a diet , go swimming , she has a proper swimming pool in the garden , explaining to her we can't just order her a new dress in a week so she thinks we can just take it to a seamstress

You can't order a new dress in a week.... But she can lose the weight in a week?

that makes no sense at all.

I would suspect health issues (whether physical or mental health ) if she has gained so much weight in such a short time.

"punishing" her for it by making her miss prom (and it will most likely feel like a punishment) won't help.

Speaking to her foster carers or her case worker - if the former doesn't help -would be a good idea imo.

Beyond bollocks

We have to all the time for my 18y who is a size 2. Very often we have had to pay more for the alteration than the cost of the item. Skirts, tops or dresses. But I want her to have to have clothes that fit and she can feel good in, like her friends. So needs must 🤷🏼‍♀️

It seems very odd that her foster family are shaming your dd about her weight. Surely they can’t stop you from buying her the dress?

Buy the dress and offer to buy the smaller one off who ever bought it and return/sell it.

And yeah you all need to lay off having a go at her weight

Your contradicting yourself massively and repeatedly. I don't think anyone should comment on anyone's weight.get her a new dress that fits and don't mention the weight gain again.

I assume she has been doing her GCSEs over the last few weeks. Give the kid a break and sort the dress out, the weight/ diet thing needs dealing with more sensitively unless you want a kid with an eating disorder.

Unless it's lifting a hem or something simple, you're likely to pay £50 at least for personalised alterations to a dress.

If it's taking it apart and reshaping it to accommodate someone who has gained weight- they are practically remaking the dress.

It would be much more cost effective to buy a new £50 dress.

That poor girl. I hope this post isn't real.

Seamstress this time unfortunately:( to lose weight to fit in a dress in one week would require a quick weight loss which isn't healthy or a sustainable way for a good relationship for your health. The only way I could achieve that is a crash diet, which I wouldn't do as it's too unhealthy let alone as a teen. Also if she fails, she won't only feel stressed, failed but again won't have a dress on the day. I would try and focus on health definitely, but for a lifelong beneficial change going forward.

I don’t understand why people always have to “order” things, especially clothes, with the consequent risks of them not fitting, not arriving, not being the right item and so on. Unless one lives miles from anywhere with no transport (as some people do, TBF), most reasonable sized towns have lots of shops that are stuffed to the rafters with dresses of all shapes, styles and sizes.
Just buy a dress that fits.

I don't think anyone can say without having the background to why she's in foster care as that's a massive part of assessing whether you're being unreasonable or not.