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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teen and her prom dress

138 replies

Promdressproblem · 14/06/2023 22:14

My dd has her prom next week and she's tried her dress on this week and it's too small . She's been overindulging herself recently with iced coffees , crisps , chocolates, she has put on weight very quickly. She's quite curvy carrying her weight on her legs and shoulders and she can't zip it up .

So I asked her to basically go on a diet , go swimming , she has a proper swimming pool in the garden , explaining to her we can't just order her a new dress in a week so she thinks we can just take it to a seamstress ... taking NO responsibility to lose this weight so she can get Into the dress. Infact ignoring there is an issue .
However I explained to her sbout how much weight she's putting on is an issue too and perhaps exercise and diet wouldn't hurt her ..

She also doesn't live with me and her family are basically under the impression that if her dress doesn't fit, she's not willing to lose weight and try to get the dress to fit that I'm basically pampering her if I try to find a new dress rather than make her take the consequences...

I feel her prom is the most important day so far and I feel like she's almost being body shamed at 16 for putting on weight . I get it , she's been over eating and should face consequences for that but surely not at the expense of her prom ?

I can't see the wood for the trees right now coz I want to pull out a new dress at the last second rather than have her disappointed but her family don't seem too happy with that and want her to realise you've got to put effort into everything you want in life.

She's a size 12-14 not massive but she has had a lot of negativity (not from me) around her weight recently and I worry this could spark eating issues with her so for the sake of £50 and getting her a new dress I wonder if it's worth it?

Or am I infact bailing her out again and instead she needs to face the consequences of over eating and potentially miss her prom ?

Voting ... I'm being unreasonable she should miss the prom due to her not taking responsibility

I'm NOT being unreasonable... just buy her a new dress !!

OP posts:

Sierra26 · 14/06/2023 22:35

This makes no sense, cannot be real

Velvetbee · 14/06/2023 22:35

You sound lovely. Help her address the over indulging when prom is over. For now help her feel fabulous.

Royalbloo · 14/06/2023 22:36

How can you spoil a child in foster care.

I'm at a loss for words.

quietnightmare · 14/06/2023 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Andanotherone01 · 14/06/2023 22:40

Why do you refer to her foster care as family? You are her family - they are her carers

BPDprincess · 14/06/2023 22:42

If anyone is body shaming this girl, it's you.

Not that I really understood any of your post. Cos you say that you told her she put on weight and that she should diet and lose weight. Then you blame someone else for body shaming her.

Poor kid.

pizzaHeart · 14/06/2023 22:44

I can’t understand your family arrangements and who is shaming her who is not but if the prom dress doesn’t fit she needs a new dress.
It’s not realistic to loose weight in a week. Alteration is also not always possible and might be quite expensive. So new dress is the answer.
By the way how long ago the dress was bought? The adults in her life should have helped her to choose sensibly, it probably was on a smaller side at the moment of buying so it’s their fault.

Wolfiefan · 14/06/2023 22:45

Who exactly will this cause issues with???

Rogue1001MNer · 14/06/2023 22:48

I'd kindly suggest a better and more supportive thing for your daughter would be to address whatever needs addressing so that you can parent her full time yourself.

I'd say that's more important than a dress.

Which at 16, she should be choosing herself anyway.
But yes, you could pay for a cheap replacement.

Rogue1001MNer · 14/06/2023 22:49

Alteration is also not always possible and might be quite expensive

not to mention, probably not enough time

WonderingWanda · 14/06/2023 22:52

No one should be telling a teenager to go on a diet to get into a dress, that could trigger an eating disorder. As others have said she won't lose weight in a week and it would be a shame for her to miss her prom. I find it hard to believe that Foster carers would make her wear a too small dress to go to the prom, or deny her the experience so maybe they have an alternative plan? I wonder if there is more to the story about this situation. I'm not sure what has gone on for your daughter to be in Foster care but could expensive gifts be seen as bribery? What about approaching her school, lots of schools have a stock of second hand prom dresses for students who can't afford them. Then it isn't spoiling her but it will enable her to go her to go to the prom.

cadburyegg · 14/06/2023 22:55

This is such a weird post. Why doesn't she live with you?

This can't be real

Justalittlebitduckling · 14/06/2023 22:58

She’s not going to lose significant weight in a week unless she resorts to an extreme crash diet and that may not even work. It’s not fair to suggest that’s an option at this point.

redbigbananafeet · 14/06/2023 23:09

Rogue1001MNer · 14/06/2023 22:49

Alteration is also not always possible and might be quite expensive

not to mention, probably not enough time

Who pays for alterations on a £50 dress?

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:13

Velvetbee · 14/06/2023 22:35

You sound lovely. Help her address the over indulging when prom is over. For now help her feel fabulous.

Thats a unique definition of lovely?

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:15

The foster carer has a swimming pool? Wow

FlutteryButterfly · 14/06/2023 23:17

NorthWestThree · 14/06/2023 22:21

She's not going to lose weight to fit into the dress in time for next week?!

Buy her a new dress

This with Bells! You put weight on quickly and lose it ever si slowly! I'm not liking the sound of you or your family and this is coming g from a 'slim' family.

LosingMyPancakes · 14/06/2023 23:19

How many bullshit posts in one day? Think most I've read today have gone poof or even if still here, are obviously a load of bollocks.

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:25

Liposuction would be an option that would work in time

Rogue1001MNer · 14/06/2023 23:41

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:25

Liposuction would be an option that would work in time

😆

Soapyspuds · 14/06/2023 23:50

Get her something low cost from the shops off the rack. Something cheaper than the original dress.

Yes she should enjoy the night in a dress. But she also needs to learn mummy cannot bail her out everytime she screws up.

Minfilia · 14/06/2023 23:51

Beetroot and piss diet?

Alittlebitolderandeeperindebt · 14/06/2023 23:54

Minfilia · 14/06/2023 23:51

Beetroot and piss diet?

That sounds like colonic irrigation?

VDisappointing · 15/06/2023 00:11

Take the dress back to the shop and ask them if they will swap for a bigger size

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