Why does he speak to me like this?

LemonjeIIo · 2023-06-13T20:17:28+00:00

Had dinner, I had made a drink and said, I'll go and get a snack. Brought back some biscuits and cheese on a board on my lap and proceeded to make a snack. As I bit into the snack, I get, Oh don't ask me if I want one will you? Then called me greedy. I mean, why can't he just say, Oo cheesy snack, can I have one? Why is it always me doing something wrong? It's all the time, I'm on edge. It's like I have to second guess every time, it makes me anxious. Another example when the cat didn't eat her expensive food, and he threw it away. I said oh that's a shame. But he snapped at me and said Well what did you want me to do with it? He could have just agreed with me and said Yeah, we won't buy that one again. But no, it's always me that seems to be the baddie. How can I get him to stop doing this? I do try to say please don't do that but then he says It's my opinion, I'm entitled to my opinion. Any advice?

GottaGirlcrush · 13/06/2023 21:19

You can't change him

I'd move on

piedbeauty · 13/06/2023 21:20

Because he's a dick?

Dump him.

Who cares why he does something? He's acting in a way that you don't like. React to that, and get away from him.

Bryonny84 · 13/06/2023 21:22

I had this many years ago. He could be nice but he chooses not to be. I'd leave (I did). Don't waste another minute of your life on this guy, there's a far better one out there.

AnyFucker · 13/06/2023 21:24

Bin him. He has no respect for you.

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:25

When he is nice he is lovely
When he is like this he is a dick

OP posts:

Dramakwene · 13/06/2023 21:25

Why?

Because he hates you. Almost as much as he hates himself.

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:25

Bryonny84 · 13/06/2023 21:22

I had this many years ago. He could be nice but he chooses not to be. I'd leave (I did). Don't waste another minute of your life on this guy, there's a far better one out there.

I don't even want another one

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Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2023 21:26

He definitely speaks to you very rudely. However, I will ask you about the snack example. Do you never offer to get him something when you're getting something for yourself? Does he ask if you'd like something/a taste when he gets a snack? I ask because my husband and I would always ask each other. We would both feel it was very rude to go get a snack if we're spending time together and not ask the other if they'd like something. I think a chronic lack of basic consideration can breed a lot of resentment.

Has he always spoken to you like this?

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/06/2023 21:26

Why didn't you bring him a snack?

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:26

Dramakwene · 13/06/2023 21:25

Why?

Because he hates you. Almost as much as he hates himself.

Very interesting
Why do you say he hates himself?

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determinedtomakethiswork · 13/06/2023 21:27

Sorry, it's obvious you're not happy together. I was just caught up in the fact that one person brings in a snack without asking the other if they want something. If you are on edge with him, then it's clearly not a healthy relationship. Can you easily leave?

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:30

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2023 21:26

He definitely speaks to you very rudely. However, I will ask you about the snack example. Do you never offer to get him something when you're getting something for yourself? Does he ask if you'd like something/a taste when he gets a snack? I ask because my husband and I would always ask each other. We would both feel it was very rude to go get a snack if we're spending time together and not ask the other if they'd like something. I think a chronic lack of basic consideration can breed a lot of resentment.

Has he always spoken to you like this?

I brought it in for both of us, it was there for both of us, and he could have asked nicely and gently instead of saying you greedy pig

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Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:32

AnyFucker · 13/06/2023 21:24

Bin him. He has no respect for you.

You are always so right, and I respect your knack of saying the right thing. I've come to bed away from him

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FurryPelmet · 13/06/2023 21:33

Tell him you’re tired of being with such a rude, grumpy man and to fix up and stop speaking to you like this or he’ll find himself dumped. Be assertive.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/06/2023 21:33

I'm going to go against the grain here, why didn't you just ask him if he wanted anything. I'd never announce I was getting a snack and not offer to get anything for whoever was sat there. I'd also say something similar if my dh came in after sorting himself out with a snack and not asking me. The greedy comment was uncalled for, but maybe he's fed up if you sorting yourself out without offering him some:

Plus leaving cat food out that's not going to get eaten in this weather is a bit gross, I don't see what the issue is about him throwing it away, and he's right, what else would you do with it?

You do seem to nit pick, sounds like he can't do anything right either.

You both need to work on your communication

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2023 21:40

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:30

I brought it in for both of us, it was there for both of us, and he could have asked nicely and gently instead of saying you greedy pig

Show quote history

Did he know you brought it in for both of you? Did you offer him some or did you just expect him to realise he could have some?

Let me be clear, him speaking to you so rudely is inexcusable. However, I'm wondering if there's a toxic dynamic that's been festering for some time from both sides.

Whatever the case, I would end it if I were you. You're not happy and he's very unkind.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 13/06/2023 21:48

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/06/2023 21:33

I'm going to go against the grain here, why didn't you just ask him if he wanted anything. I'd never announce I was getting a snack and not offer to get anything for whoever was sat there. I'd also say something similar if my dh came in after sorting himself out with a snack and not asking me. The greedy comment was uncalled for, but maybe he's fed up if you sorting yourself out without offering him some:

Plus leaving cat food out that's not going to get eaten in this weather is a bit gross, I don't see what the issue is about him throwing it away, and he's right, what else would you do with it?

You do seem to nit pick, sounds like he can't do anything right either.

You both need to work on your communication

How the hell do you come to the conclusion that OP nit picks?? Is he such a child that he can’t say ‘ oh I’ll have a snack too please’ when she said she was getting one? Or is it acceptable to wait for her to go and get it and then whinge and call her greedy?

Cat food - OP never complained about him throwing the cat food away. When the cat didn’t eat it she just said ‘ oh that’s a shame’ meaning it’s a pity the cat didn’t like the new food.

OP, take your cat and LTB.

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:51

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/06/2023 21:33

I'm going to go against the grain here, why didn't you just ask him if he wanted anything. I'd never announce I was getting a snack and not offer to get anything for whoever was sat there. I'd also say something similar if my dh came in after sorting himself out with a snack and not asking me. The greedy comment was uncalled for, but maybe he's fed up if you sorting yourself out without offering him some:

Plus leaving cat food out that's not going to get eaten in this weather is a bit gross, I don't see what the issue is about him throwing it away, and he's right, what else would you do with it?

You do seem to nit pick, sounds like he can't do anything right either.

You both need to work on your communication

It's a moot point but the food was fresh, she turned her nose up , it was binned. I said Ah that's a shame, and he immediately became angry and said What did you want me to do with it?? He could have agreed with me in a gentle way, and said, yeah well we won't get that one again.. it's like he wants to disagree with anything I say, and make me into the baddie, and that's not who I am

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Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:53

Cheesyfootballs01 · 13/06/2023 21:48

How the hell do you come to the conclusion that OP nit picks?? Is he such a child that he can’t say ‘ oh I’ll have a snack too please’ when she said she was getting one? Or is it acceptable to wait for her to go and get it and then whinge and call her greedy?

Cat food - OP never complained about him throwing the cat food away. When the cat didn’t eat it she just said ‘ oh that’s a shame’ meaning it’s a pity the cat didn’t like the new food.

OP, take your cat and LTB.

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Thank you @Cheesyfootballs01 it was exactly that. It makes me not want to speak because however gently I say anything, it's misconstrued. Every time. It's wearing.

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cigarettesNalcohol · 13/06/2023 21:55

Sounds like he doesn't like you much. He won't change. He's sounds like a miserable man. Leave if you can.

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:56

I'll just speak by writing things down then. No tone to be taken wrongly then. I was going to book a holiday this week but I'm not going to now.

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roarfeckingroarr · 13/06/2023 21:56

I hate the word snack misses point

he's an arsehole and you deserve better

Original poster

LemonjeIIo · 13/06/2023 21:57

cigarettesNalcohol · 13/06/2023 21:55

Sounds like he doesn't like you much. He won't change. He's sounds like a miserable man. Leave if you can.

It's my house. He has nowhere himself

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Booklover40 · 13/06/2023 21:58

I agree with a pp that he just sounds like an intrinsically nasty, critical, negative person who basically isn’t very happy and projects that onto you. He criticises you to put you on the back foot so you are always second guessing yourself and losing confidence along the way.

Thats how men like this work - he will belittle you so you are nicely under his thumb and walking on eggshells.

In 20 years my dh has never once called me a greedy pig or anything similar. He is also perfectly capable of getting his own snack the pathetic man child! Why didn’t he just ask? Because he’s rather make a big deal of it and twist it so that you’re the villain.

GET. RID. (And yes, keep the cat)

Cheesyfootballs01 · 13/06/2023 22:01

@LemonjeIIo ive been where you are now. He won’t change and life’s too short to tiptoe around someone never knowing if they are going to kick off.

If you own the house I would get rid of him.