Why does he speak to me like this?

[LemonjeIIo]

Had dinner, I had made a drink and said, I'll go and get a snack. Brought back some biscuits and cheese on a board on my lap and proceeded to make a snack. As I bit into the snack, I get, Oh don't ask me if I want one will you? Then called me greedy. I mean, why can't he just say, Oo cheesy snack, can I have one? Why is it always me doing something wrong? It's all the time, I'm on edge. It's like I have to second guess every time, it makes me anxious. Another example when the cat didn't eat her expensive food, and he threw it away. I said oh that's a shame. But he snapped at me and said Well what did you want me to do with it? He could have just agreed with me and said Yeah, we won't buy that one again. But no, it's always me that seems to be the baddie.
How can I get him to stop doing this? I do try to say please don't do that but then he says It's my opinion, I'm entitled to my opinion.
Any advice?

Firstly, I wouldn't have made a snack and excluded the person I was with, whoever that was. I'd have included them or offered to include them when I got up to get it. It's rude and selfish not to.

Secondly, if someone had called me out on not including them and called me greedy, I'd say "well here's the cheese and biscuits, what's stopping you having one"? I may have added a "fat bastard" depending on how annoyed I was.

And then that would be the end of it.

I would accept that I was a bit selfish for scoffing the food without including the person I was with, they would be vindicated because they would have got some of the snack and told me off for my thoughtlessness.

And then we move on.

With the cat food, if it was fresh I might be cross that it went in the bin before cat had had time to change its mind. So I would have said to leave it and not throw it away yet. This may be perceived as criticism depending on the way I said it. Tone is important. More important than the actual words said.

The point I'm making is that you're both quite reactive with each other and you're holding grudges (not sure how long he festers on the criticism he gets from you).

Is this a newish relationship because most long term ones have a few barbs flying back and forth but the intimacy means they don't embed? People aren't perfect and there's a lot of talk here about his reactions but you're holding this criticism of being greedy and not including him and have made a Mumsnet post about something that a lot of people wouldn't give a second thought about.

Would you say that you're a little sensitive to being criticised too?

He speaks to you like this because he can.

He knows you have zero self respect for yourself.

If you did, you certainly wouldn't tolerate this in YOUR home.🙄

He neither likes nor cares for you, but you are convenient to his housing needs.

His deep contempt from you simmers to the surface constantly in the way he speaks to, but you keep taking it.

Stop focusing on why? and whats wrong with him?

He's a horrible nasty person who has landed on his feet with a mug.

He has zero Loyalty to you.

You should get some counselling to figure out why you think all you deserve is to be used by a nasty man for housing.

If you can find an ounce of respect for yourself, tell him to pack his bags.

He's the type of loser that would make a claim on your house if he could.

You are nothing but a convenience to bully, like a sport.

Wake up.

You deserve better, or peace in your home.

Get him out.

Agree.

Nothing like MN to read posters bend themselves out of shape to excuse atrocious treatment by men.🙄

The poor misunderstood men that are only expressing themselves with their nasty poisonous belittling comments towards their confused, unsympathetic wimmin, who should anticipate their every need and emotion🙄.

Give me strength 🙄.

30 years married and my husband has never once felt the need to be nasty towards me, nor me him.

Men are not a project to fix nor understand.🙄

Because he is a shit, chuck him out!

Who is he? Just a boyfriend using you for accommodation? Just boot him out, who cares.

Do you have supportive friends and/or family? Could you discuss this episode with them? Do you really want to walk on eggshells round him whilst he lives in your house?
I would LTB, personally!
For many years I have lived on my own with a cat. Love it!
Perhaps see if he would accept couple counselling if you really want to continue living with him.
I really hope things improve for you, one way or the other.

By ‘who cares’ I mean stop the handwringing analysing his behaviour choices. His housing is his problem to solve. Remove him from your property, don’t give it a second thought. No argument needed.

This plus

It's my house. He has nowhere himself

plus the negative attitude you suffer from him regularly should urge you to get him out of your home and out of your life. I'm sure you'll hurt for a while and miss the times he behaved as a decent human being, but then you'll remember the other side of him and move on with your life without him in it. Make the decision OP, tell him clearly that this no longer works for you and you want him to leave (in the very shortest possible timeframe). Let him move back to his mother. 🌹