to ask what is a reasonable timeline for moving in together and marriage? we are 32 and 30

[bluesymphony]

Before I get my head bitten off - yes I realise that these things are very subjective.

For context, we have only been together for a few months so anything could happen. He is 30 and I am 32. I would like to try for two children and I am trying to be mindful of my fertility.

Does moving in together at around the 1.5 year mark sound sensible or rushed? And does marriage at 2.5-3 years sound reasonable?

We both want marriage and this has already been discussed. I am cautious as I was badly hurt in my last relationship which ended four years ago, and he had a similar experience too.

TIA

If you both want marriage and have already discussed it, I don't see why you need to wait three years. Relationships do tend to move more quickly when people are older. If you know, you know!

Well it totally depends. I'd want to be married sooner than age 35 in your shoes, just because if it all goes tits up you still have time to meet someone else. I'd have a 2 year timeline for marriage in your shoes.

Thank you for replying @renthead -- what do you think might be an acceptable timeline?

Marriage within 2 years also feels fine, but surely anything less than that is needlessly adding to the risk of the relationship hitting the rocks as we might not know each other well enough?

Thank you for replying!

In this two year timeline when do you think would be a reasonable stage to move in together?

Two years till you move in. 4 years till marriage. Neither of these prevents you having children while you wait but marriage can be a nightmare to extricate yourself from.

If you are 32 I wouldn’t leave it till 35. Fertility decreases every year after 30. Well, arguably decreases every year after 25. Unlikely you’ll have any issues but you won’t know until you try

I’d say aim to move in next spring, marry next summer then try

No I mean 2 years til you get married.

I was engaged after 5 months and married with 18 months of meeting. That was over 20 years ago.

Sometimes it's just right.

I moved in with my husband after 3 months. We've now been married 35 years.
My son has been with his partner for a year, they're nowhere near ready to move in together.
It's different for everyone.

Yes, I agree with you.

At 47. Met DP
+1yr moved in, and i have my kids 50/50, but DP also travels with work alot
+2yrs engaged, after checking our blended sitch worked well
+2.5 yrs wedding

I moved in with my now husband 9 months after meeting him. We've been together 15 years now and there have been lots of ups and downs but the first 5 years were the honeymoon period. When we had children life got a lot more complicated so i wouldn't rush into that.

Ah, yes, I know. But with that in mind, when might be an appropriate time to move in together?

We were married after 20 months, engaged after 12, moved in together after 6. (10 years ago)
I was 27 when we met. Do what feels right. I think after a year then living together is fine and maybe another year to be married if you're wanting to do it 'properly'

That feels very quick!

If you really want children, get a fertilitly MOT. Move in after a year. You could waste a lot of time on this if you dely much more.

If you know, you know! You can't really plan life like that.

I met my husband at Christmas, he asked me to move on with him on the following Valentine's Day & we'd sold our respective houses & bought together by the Easter! Engaged by the end of that 1st year & married the next. Kids took a few years but that was partly due to having fun & partly down to fertility issues.

We were in our early 30s, knew what we wanted & were luckily on the same page...as well as in love, of course! Been together 22yrs this Christmas.

What will be, will be!!

DH and I (similar age gap/ages when we met) moved in after a year. We were ready to get married after another year but housing market crashed so we bought a flat rather than get married.

I wouldn’t want to be less than 2/3 years with someone before marriage but that’s based only on literally nothing.

We moved in after a year, were married in just under 2 years. I was also 32 when we met and I conceived my children when I was 34 and 36.

I'd moved in after 3 months, engaged 2 months later, married 14 months after that, with our DD born just before our 1 year anniversary. DS arrived 18 months after DD and we've been married 8 years this month. DH had gotten out of a bad marriage about a year before we met but we both knew we were right for each other.

Work to the timeline your feelings tell you.

Did you start trying to conceive right after marriage?

In an ideal world I would not want to start trying to conceive straight after marriage and would prefer to wait 6 months, so there is also that to consider...

We moved in after 11 months (me 30, him 38), bought our home around 2 years, first baby at 3 years. We were planning to marry after that but covid. Now we have baby 2 (toddler now) at 7.5 years. Need to book that wedding!

I felt confident doing it this way as I still work full time, earn more, and we are tenants in common or whichever one it is that protects differing mortgage contributions. This was actually his iniative, he's in finance and wanted me to feel secure buying together.

I'd say it depends a lot on whether your relationship is stable and you're mature people, as sometimes this doesn't come with age!

Yes, some of these answers have made me feel that 3 years is perhaps a bit too long given my age!