To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

[Sundaycoffee]

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

Alright, no need to shout! 😂
She didn’t pay for the £400 city break though. Her work paid.

She didn't have to go.

The OP could have taken another friend.

BillyNoM8s · Today 20:53

Not rubbish, I just couldn't sit back in good conscience and watch my friend do all the driving and pay for petrol, on a trip I asked them to join me on!

I'd be happy to spend a great weekend with a good friend. I can't imagine feeling outraged about £20 I'd happily pay for all the petrol to save me the driving!

If I was the friend I wouldn't ask for the money, but if I was the gifter I would split it.”

Me too. Yes it was nice of you to invite her to a free weekend but it wasn’t free if it cost her £40. Maybe she simply can’t afford it.

Maybe don’t invite friends on a freebie again without making it clear you expect them to pay for your travel.

Did she know it was worth £400? Was that just for a hotel, or food and transport too?

I think that as she drove, it would have been charitable of you to offer some petrol costs because she was saving you the cost (unless the £400 included train fares or fuel on expenses.)

And as she was getting a nice weekend away other than paying for petrol she should have refused.

In which case you should have said 'Are you sure? Ok let me pay for lunch etc next time we meet up.'

Just because you offered her a free trip (not paid for by you) then it doesn't stand to reason that she should have paid for your transport. You'd have had to pay for your own fuel anyway in your own car.

But all this should have been discussed first.
Ideally with you offering to pay for fuel.

How did you come up with this story? She could've told OP she didn't want to go.

How can you conclude from all we know that it was friend who did favour to OP to give her company and friend got nothing.

“Yeah no problem, deduct it from the £200 you owe me for the trip

balance of £180 payable :

bank details for payment are …… ……..”

But if it was all expenses paid, you'd claim for fuel and pay your friend £40 for it!

I don't follow your logic.

But her work did not choose OP's friend. It was OP who decided to take her. So even if OP didn't pay, but I would still appreciate a friend asking me to come on this expensive trip, and not ask for 20 quid.

Ask her for the £400 for the trip.

What a CF!

If your claim for the trip as all expenses, that includes getting there.

Unless it wasn't 'all expenses'.

If you had a rail ticket would you submit invoices for it?

How was the trip paid for? You were given £800 or you have to submit invoices to your company and be paid back?

I dont think it is about 20 quid. It is about lack of appreciation on friend's part to ask for the money after the trip shamelessly.

@Caramelatt Well I see it as more of a two-way thing - OP wanted someone to come with her, and picked this person presumably because they got on well and she liked her company, and she felt assured she'd have a good time with her.

It's not a one-way thing where the other person should just be pitifully grateful to be picked. And the friend did all the driving.

Like I said earlier, if I was the friend I wouldn't have asked, but if I was the OP I would have offered half the petrol.

It's just manners. When someone does something nice for you, you offer a small gesture in return.

If they have you to stay for the weekend, you turn up with wine, and you send flowers when you get home. If someone invites you round for dinner you take a ruddy pot plant as a gesture. If someone gives you a spare gig ticket, you buy them a cocktail you go in.

If someone very kindly invites you on an all expenses paid trip to London, you drive and shout the fuel, at the very least. It's how it works. It's rude to do otherwise.

😂

On the other hand, you paid nothing for this trip OP. Why shouldn't you share the cost of the petrol? You would have had to pay for travel presumably if you had been offered the trip for yourself only. Plus she did the actual driving which is an effort compared to sitting in the passenger seat and involved some (admittedly very teensy minor) wear and tear to HER car.

It's all about lack of communication.

Most people who are sensible would discuss it first.

You- I've been given £800 for an all expenses trip. Want to come?
Her- Yes please!
You- my car or yours?
Her- mine it's a better one for the motorway.
You- That's great, I'll make sure you get some money for the fuel from the expenses, or pay you half.

Her- oh don't worry, I'm happy to waive that.
OR - oh thanks, money's tight this month.

£380 - trip value was £400 per person

Or, one might argue that the friend is now £40 out of pocket for accompanying her friend on said trip.
I’m being facetious now… but I stand by my belief that they should share the travel cost

If someone very kindly invites you on an all expenses paid trip to London, you drive and shout the fuel, at the very least. It's how it works. It's rude to do otherwise.”

Doesn”t that depend where you are driving from? It would cost me £140 to drive to London and back. It would be rude in those circumstances for my passenger not to offer a contribution.

shout the fuel?

But it's all relative to your budget, innit? I mean, if someone said to you, "I got given free top notch accommodation for a week in New York. Do you want to come, but you'd have to pay for your flight and food costs when you're there?" In that situation it's not such an attractive offer, even if it IS New York, is it, because the relative expense of the travel costs and spends would put you well out of pocket considering it's a trip that you hadn't planned or budgeted for (and may not ever had yearned to see New York). Yes, it's still a massive discount off the trip, because the accommodation is covered, but it's still a big outlay to someone who hadn't planned for it.

So when you compare it proportionally, maybe OP's mate simply just couldn't have afforded to pay out for an unexpected 40 quid that week, even if she DID get a treat out of it. Maybe she could just about manage the 20 quid so agreed to go on that basis. So many people are only thinking of their own financial situations and whether THEY could afford to pay out for costs for a Bristol to London trip. There are plenty of people on MN who haven't got a spare 40 quid lying about and judging by some people's opinions on here should simply have refused the offer of the trip?

If it were me and I knew my friend was really hard up and probably couldn't afford the petrol cost of the trip, I would just offer it her based on me wanting to spend the time with her as my friend and just tell her from the off that if she did the hassle of the driving/paying for parking (now, who paid for THAT I wonder? , I'd cover the petrol.

@Sundaycoffee Please come back and explain.

All expenses usually means transport.

Why can't you claim travelling costs and hand over to your friend?

Holy smokes. I am always completely flabbergasted when I read posts like this. People and money are just on a whole different level to anything I can comprehend.

Your friend is being very unreasonable!

I've been the beneficiary of some free football tickets this season. I've offered them to various people. 4 different people have accepted them. Each time they've offered to drive and refused my offer of money. But I did offer.

her friend is only BU if she was led to believe that she would not get some of the travelling costs back.

And the OP is rude for not offering to pay her friend.

Because the weekend away cost her nothing.

This!