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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
lifestylevlog · 12/06/2023 20:54

DO NOT PAY!!!!!!

LillyoftheMountain · 12/06/2023 20:54

She’s not a friend. She’s not even a decent human being. Tell her to take £20 off the £400 she owes you.

EffortlessDesmond · 12/06/2023 20:54

As you may have to pay the income tax on a benefit in kind next year, I think I would be a bit salty with my reply to her request!

Orangello · 12/06/2023 20:55

Yeah, if OP had won two theatre tickets, no-one would expect the friend she took to pay their transport to the theatre, would they?

If I gave a friend a theather ticket and she offered to drive us then I would not expect them to ask me to pay for petrol. I would see it as a gesture to say thanks.

Untrusting · 12/06/2023 20:55

Can't believe some of the replies on here defending the friend for asking for petrol money when she's been treated to a free weekend away, but it is also making a lot sense why there are so many threads on here from people who say they don't have any friends.

WomblingTree86 · 12/06/2023 20:55

I think she’s got an unbelievable cheek as have some other posters on here defending her. If she really expected you to pay half the petrol she should have discussed it first as maybe you would have decided to go with someone who is happy to drive and wouldn’t expect you to pay for petrol. Perhaps you could say that you had to pay an additional cost for the hotel so if she wouldn't mind transferring 50 pounds to you and then you'll send the 20 pounds back to her. You will probably never hear from her again but good riddance.

Ineededthat · 12/06/2023 20:56

On the face of it it seems cheeky, but we don’t know the friend’s financial portion of course.

Some years ago I had a friend who hounded me to accept her offer of a weekend away, paid for by her. I repeatedly declined as I couldn’t afford to pay for myself at the time and felt bad accepting her offer but she persisted and said if I didn’t accept, she wouldn’t be able to go. So I accepted. Some time later, whilst my financial circumstances were still as tight, I ended up paying for other things as there was a clear expectation that I’d do that, having got a free holiday. I should have spoken up but I didn’t.

There is no such thing as a free lunch, even one’s accepted reluctantly

laydownsally · 12/06/2023 20:56

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:25

I dunno why everyone seems to be outraged - OP was given the trip, she didn't pay out for it by looks of it.

So yeah, it was nice of her to take this person, but she's paid nothing while the friend paid for the petrol. If it was a freebie, then it's not like OP was Lady Bountiful.

If I were the friend I wouldn't have asked for petrol money, but if I was OP I'd have shared the petrol costs.

Agreed.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/06/2023 20:57

That’s incredibly cheeky of her!

The OP gave her a free trip worth £400! She didn’t need to give this to her, she could have given it to anyone.

The least the friend can do is pay for petrol as a thank you. I think if was the friend id have brought along a little present as well

Stressfordays · 12/06/2023 20:57

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:52

Yeah, if OP had won two theatre tickets, no-one would expect the friend she took to pay their transport to the theatre, would they? 🤔

I mean it's a shame, OP liked this person enough to want her to come with her, and then they're falling out about twenty quid's worth of petrol.

I would pay for the travel if a friend gave me a free theatre ticket?

Its not about the fact they got it for free, its the fact that out of everyone they could have taken, they specifically thought of you. Its a very kind gesture of someone and shows how much they value you. I would show it back by treating them too either by travel or buying them a drink/lunch.

Zipps · 12/06/2023 20:57

I'm starting to think Mumsnutters is a more appropriate name these days.

Op yanbu she's a cheeky fucker, I'd be tempted to block her.

GCalltheway · 12/06/2023 20:58

Wtf???

Shhhquirrel · 12/06/2023 20:59

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 12/06/2023 20:24

I'd just reply "?"

And then see what she says to justify herself.

This

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:59

Orangello · 12/06/2023 20:55

Yeah, if OP had won two theatre tickets, no-one would expect the friend she took to pay their transport to the theatre, would they?

If I gave a friend a theather ticket and she offered to drive us then I would not expect them to ask me to pay for petrol. I would see it as a gesture to say thanks.

What, you get something for free, you ask a particular person along because you'll enjoy their company and think they'll enjoy it as well - and expect them to pay transport while you have the whole experience free? 🤔

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 21:00

Maybe I'm an exceptionally good friend, that I'd both give someone a freebie and pay half the associated petrol (and any other) costs 🤷‍♀️

Manicpixidreamgirl · 12/06/2023 21:01

Not at all cheeky in my book. In fact I’d have offered half the travel cost. Why should she pay £40 (and do the driving) but you don’t?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:01

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 20:53

Not rubbish, I just couldn't sit back in good conscience and watch my friend do all the driving and pay for petrol, on a trip I asked them to join me on!

I'd be happy to spend a great weekend with a good friend. I can't imagine feeling outraged about £20 Confused I'd happily pay for all the petrol to save me the driving!

If I was the friend I wouldn't ask for the money, but if I was the gifter I would split it.

Show quote history

Yeah, I'm with you there.

rookiemere · 12/06/2023 21:01

Newname2323 · 12/06/2023 20:39

I'd actually say "yes here's your £20, sorry I didn't offer, I thought me taking you away for free would cover the petrol costs x". Send the money and never take her anywhere again, let her realise how rude she is herself.

I think this is a good reply, makes the point without being blatant.

MasterBeth · 12/06/2023 21:01

CalistoNoSolo · 12/06/2023 20:33

God, this stupid fucking forum.

I know!

Cheeky fuckers will cheeky fuck.

MasterBeth · 12/06/2023 21:03

Manicpixidreamgirl · 12/06/2023 21:01

Not at all cheeky in my book. In fact I’d have offered half the travel cost. Why should she pay £40 (and do the driving) but you don’t?

BECAUSE SHE HAD CHOSEN HER FOR A £400 CITY BREAK?

bussteward · 12/06/2023 21:03

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:25

I dunno why everyone seems to be outraged - OP was given the trip, she didn't pay out for it by looks of it.

So yeah, it was nice of her to take this person, but she's paid nothing while the friend paid for the petrol. If it was a freebie, then it's not like OP was Lady Bountiful.

If I were the friend I wouldn't have asked for petrol money, but if I was OP I'd have shared the petrol costs.

Yes, exactly. And friend had to do the driving, OP got to be a passenger. I don’t think asking to split the petrol cost with a friend is especially outrageous, really. People are acting like OP gave her friend £400 and friend is asking for more. She didn’t. She shared a perk. Do people get this worked up in real life about £20?

MagnificentDelurker · 12/06/2023 21:04

We don’t know all the details. Maybe she didn’t want to go and went to keep company. After all it was just going to London not Hawaii. So maybe she changed plans to go on this trip and now is annoyed that she did the driving and have to foot the bill for petrol.

if her heart was not in it she should’ve said a firm no. As a people pleaser I know it is hard though.

Imawomangetmeoutofhere · 12/06/2023 21:04

What is wrong with some people, including some of the reply’s on here. She got a £400 trip for £40. I thinking driving and paying for petrol was the least she could do. She should also buy op a nice bottle or something. This is like those people on marketplace who not only want the item free but want you to deliver it at your cost.

lemonaddde · 12/06/2023 21:04

I would say

"Sorry I didn't realise you expected petrol money, seeing as I chose you to share a huge reward from my job.
I would have picked up the bill next time we went out or covered petrol another time as a thanks but I will of course transfer it over"

Then give her a wide berth in future.

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 21:05

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:52

Yeah, if OP had won two theatre tickets, no-one would expect the friend she took to pay their transport to the theatre, would they? 🤔

I mean it's a shame, OP liked this person enough to want her to come with her, and then they're falling out about twenty quid's worth of petrol.

I dont think it is about 20 quid. It is about lack of appreciation on friend's part to ask for the money after the trip shamelessly.

The fact she has a better car than OP, she does not seek to be struggling financially. But if she is, she should have mentioned that before the trip.

Op, give her the money she asked for and never invite her again.