To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

[Sundaycoffee]

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

Who paid for parking? as parking in the city isn't free

Unbelievable…. She is so clueless that it would probably be a lost cause to try to point out issue.

I would be put off enough to not want to be friends anymore.

How ungrateful

It’s not about the £20 or that it was free for OP to give.

The OP chose to bring her friends and hence gifted her the experience which was worth £400.
Therefore I feel it’s rather tight of the friend to try to recoup another £20 after she was a weakened for nothing.

Once the free weekend spot was on the hands of the OP it was a gift for her to offer anyone. The value received is not diminished. The friend did benefit from £400 so IMO makes her ungrateful, petty and tight to try to squeeze out £20 of petrol money.

I’m baffled by most of these replies!

OP had paid £0
Friend paid £40
Clearly she wanted that friend to go on the trip.

I have a lot of friends, all from different social circles. Not one single one would have let me pay for all the fuel.
Even if i declined the offer of paying half they would have pinged it over to me anyway. Because that’s fair if the trip had otherwise cost them £0.

I’m shocked you didnt offer in the first place.

YABU and i feel sorry for your friend.

Hmm.

I'm a bit torn!

The trip was free for both of you.

If she hadn't have gone, you would have been £40 out of pocket for fuel??

She might see it as you took her so she could pay for fuel and you didn't have to pay anything??

She may also think/presume you got petrol expenses to get down there.

I would absolutely pay half the petrol cost!

It would be different if you’d forked out £400 for her experience, but it was all completely free.

So your friend is now £40 out of pocket whilst you’ve benefitted from not having incurred costs from not having to make your own way there.

And as for the whole “The OP worked hard to earn the experience whereas her friend didn’t, and so of course OP shouldn’t have to pay her way blah blah blah “ comments that people are coming up with, well I’m just astounded.

I may be in the minority but I think you are being unreasonable to make your friend be out of pocket because of something you invited her to.

The Op has one of those “mumsnet friendships”

ie it would seem the op and the “friend” actually don’t really like one another.

same with “mumsnet families that holiday together” - they all same to hate one another

My assumption being that she would have paid for raffle tickets - therefore not making the trip completely free.

It’s possible to be good friends and dislike aspects of a friend’s character.

Even my loveliest friends have some traits I tolerate for the sake of the friendship, and I think they do the same for me.

I have a friend who can be tight, so I deal with it by curbing by own generosity, e.g. instead of saying I’ll pay for this meal, you get the next, I just pay half because I now know she won’t take her turn in paying for the next meal/coffees/exhibition etc.

She is otherwise a good friend so I have changed the way I approach the friendship.

The OP could have taken anyone but chose to offer it to this friend. The LEAST they could do is drive and pay petrol. I would have also bought my lovely friend some chocolates or flowers for choosing me.

If it were genuinely given as a 'free trip' for the friend then the OP should have driven the friend there!!! That would have been the correct thing to do.

What is the value of sharing a room with the op for 2 nights?

The hotel room may be valued at 400 or whatever but once it's converted into "hotel room you must share with x person" that's very different in terms of"value"

If the friend really needed to be in London on x date then the hotel had that value of whatever she would spent on a hotel room. But she didn't need to be. Therefore it's not a £400 value item.

Bizarre example of raffle
so fact that might have dropped £2 on a raffle ticket as opposed to presumably working very hard and that involving personal cost insofar as time and stress over an extended period of time…. Means what?

The trip cost her something. She obviously had to work to get the perk and probably has worked hard and for a while.
The "friend" got a 400 pound trip for a whopping cost of 40 pounds. She didn't have to put in hours at work or do anything except be a "friend" to the OP. She should have gotten the OP a thank-you gift for inviting her along, at the very least. Barring that, the gas money is the least she could do.
Way too many people on this thread who seem incapable of gratitude. 🙍

Odd company thought to pay people in weekends away rather than, I don't know, extra pay?

Anyone really fancy a free spa day rather than a payrise?

I could totally understand if OP was incurring a cost that she wouldn’t have had if her friend had not joined but she still would have had to pay to get there. Both benefitted from it yet it’s only cost one of them. I don’t understand how people think that’s fair? I can see both sides of the argument but that the same time it’s £20 for a £400 weekend for both people. It would have cost OP double if she had gone alone - I don’t understand why she gets to get there for free when she wouldn’t have, had her friend not joined her.

also isn’t the thing with a gift that just because someone gets you one doesn’t mean you have to get one back?

OP earned the perk and the perk was worth £800.

So the gift to friend was worth £400.

She could have taken another friend who would have realised the trip was valuable.

Again, I would have sent OP some flowers after the trip thanking her for sharing her perk with me and I wouldn't have thought about the fuel money.

Jesus Christ who needs CF’s when you have friends like yours, I would have been sending flowers and wine to thank you!
your friend is a cheeky F**k

I can’t understand why they didn’t go on the train - Bristol to London easy peasy. If they had gone on the train I don’t think the friend would dare to ask for the price of her ticket!

That’s a thought I would message back to say I earned the break away to the value of £800/400 each so keep the £380 and we’re straight?

Firstly for an £800 prize I would assume it would be a lot more than £2 for a ticket 😂 my point was just that had she paid for it in some way or her friend being there been at a financial cost to her then I could see why she wouldn’t want to split petrol.

Secondly, let’s not forget OP makes money from her job, her time is paid for. She received a well done and an incentive in the form of something she could share with someone. She would have had to pay to get there had she gone alone, because she didn’t she’s now put that cost on her friend. OP hasn’t lost anything by taking her friend - alone costs would’ve been £40 with her friend either nothing or £20. The fact that you think the time she puts in to be good at her job (ONCE AGAIN THAT SHE IS PAID FOR) means her friend should be £40 out of pocket for being invited along to something that they both enjoyed and was at no financial cost to OP is bizarre.

Absolutely agree. I think the petrol money was the absolute minimum the friend should have contributed.

Surely most people capable of gratitude and with manners would also have bought the OP a thank you gift and offered a contribution in the way of drinks and/dinner.

Im actually stunned at some of the posts on here supporting the friends lack of gratitude

I don’t think any of the sort

I just thought your raffle analogy was daft

And now you’ve explained your rationale behind the raffle analogy… I still think it’s daft 😂

@Amtheyest17 it doesn't matter that OP got paid for her job. She earned the perk as well.

I didn’t actually explain my rationale.. but I will seeing as you’re so interested & don’t understand simple maths 😉

If I spend £20 on a raffle ticket and win an £800 prize. That’s cost me £20 - I’ve put money in to that weekend. I would personally never ask for the money back BUT my point was I could understand why that kind of scenario would leave OP £40 out of pocket and be annoyed when her friend is only £20 (had she paid the petrol) But the weekend cost OP nothing.