Page 24 | To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

Sundaycoffee · 2023-06-12T19:15:03+00:00

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20) AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

julesplusvodka · 14/06/2023 11:45

HotToddyColdSauvignon it was £400.00 each not £200.00

mincedtart · 14/06/2023 11:46

Readyplayerthr33 · 14/06/2023 09:42

I’ve had freebies like this through work. I always split travel or petrol costs with whoever I take with me. And they don’t have to ask; I offer.

I got the thing for free. Why shouldn’t I split petrol costs with my friend?

This.

XiCi · 14/06/2023 11:49

Cordeliathecat · 14/06/2023 11:01

Please don’t lose a friendship for the sake of £20. Life is too short. Just transfer the £20, no questions asked and don’t think about it again.

People have different attitudes to money. I’m very relaxed about money. Always happy to pick up the bill, I don’t stress about money at all. But I have friends who are the exact opposite and need everything to be precise, split down the middle, will insist on paying me back £3 for a coffee I have bought them etc.

In my experience, it’s not at all related to wealth, just the way people’s brains work.

Neither is right or wrong. Just accept you have different attitudes to money and stay friends!

Completely agree

brogueish · 14/06/2023 11:59

She's clearly a good friend, otherwise you wouldn't have invited her. You clearly have a decent job. So why are you getting bothered about £20, when the trip cost you nothing and she did all the driving? It's twenty quid, to you not much by the sounds of things, but obviously it's important to her...

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 11:59

Initially I was on your side OP but then I started to think about it and in your situation I think I would be happy to split the costs and probably would have offered to in the first place. A free £800 weekend for £20 each isn’t much. Yes you chose to take her on a nice trip, but you’ve essentially gotten the whole weekend for free now at the expense of your friend, if you had gotten an £800 weekend as part of a raffle or paid some kind of cost towards it then that would be different. If it was just a trip for one it would have cost you in petrol anyway so I don’t really see why your friend needs to pick up the costs of that on her own just because you picked her.

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 12:04

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 11:59

Initially I was on your side OP but then I started to think about it and in your situation I think I would be happy to split the costs and probably would have offered to in the first place. A free £800 weekend for £20 each isn’t much. Yes you chose to take her on a nice trip, but you’ve essentially gotten the whole weekend for free now at the expense of your friend, if you had gotten an £800 weekend as part of a raffle or paid some kind of cost towards it then that would be different. If it was just a trip for one it would have cost you in petrol anyway so I don’t really see why your friend needs to pick up the costs of that on her own just because you picked her.

I agree and am surprised at the outrage and comments like she owes you x hundred.

the op took her I assume as she wished to and didn’t wish to go alone. I also would have split additional costs. I’m really surprised that folks think the op should have had no costs at all and the friend should cover the additinak cost.

id never have asked, and I’d offered I’d refuse, but I’d also have immediately offered to split the additional costs as I wasn’t out of pocket at all

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 12:04

GoldDuster · 14/06/2023 10:24

The people saying that the friend is completely reasonable for asking for money, is this something you would have done?

If you accepted an invitation to a weekend away as described, and had enough money to buy overpriced tat at the venue merch, would you ask for £20 petrol money when you got back from the weekend, which included all drinks, meals, and enterntainment?

Go...

I wouldn’t ask for it back being the friend but then being in the OPs position I would probably have offered half of the petrol money in the first place and I wouldn’t be offended if I was asked for it. I think this just comes down to what type of attitude you have with money if I’m honest.

I saw a thing the other day about whether you round up when paying someone back or give exact amounts - I’m a round upper 😂

Coolhwip · 14/06/2023 12:06

Can anyone link the article? I’d love to read the banal quotes

KR2023 · 14/06/2023 12:07

BillyNoM8s · 14/06/2023 10:17

OP was compensated for her good work with the trip. Are you suggesting that her friend also needs to place a monetary value on her friend's work for her employer?

There's only a handful of people I'd take on a trip like this. One is way more broke than me so I'd cover all costs; one is my bestie and we'd probably end up in a row both trying to pay; my mum would always be the one to pay, but she can't drive; if I took DH then it would be a joint expense. I really can't imagine being offended and I really can't imagine not offering to split.

People are strange.

Show quote history

Err... No?
I was replying that there is no cost to the OP, only to the company. But OP has earned this through her heard work So no monetary value can be put on it

Not sure what your point is?

KR2023 · 14/06/2023 12:08

hard work

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 12:10

KR2023 · 14/06/2023 12:07

Err... No?
I was replying that there is no cost to the OP, only to the company. But OP has earned this through her heard work So no monetary value can be put on it

Not sure what your point is?

Show quote history

Oh give over, the cost to her was her work so it’s invaluable, 😂

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 12:10

GoldDuster · 14/06/2023 10:24

The people saying that the friend is completely reasonable for asking for money, is this something you would have done?

If you accepted an invitation to a weekend away as described, and had enough money to buy overpriced tat at the venue merch, would you ask for £20 petrol money when you got back from the weekend, which included all drinks, meals, and enterntainment?

Go...

Nobody has answered this yet which is a good point.

I don't know anyone who after being invited to such a lovely trip would ask for some fuel money.

Highandlows · 14/06/2023 12:11

I will pay her and she will not be hearing from me again.

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 12:12

Highandlows · 14/06/2023 12:11

I will pay her and she will not be hearing from me again.

Yes, she's not going to get invited again.

SamW98 · 14/06/2023 12:15

A couple of years ago, a friends uncle let us have his flat for free so we could attend a weekend event.
My friend could have invited anyone to join her but she asked me and another friend.

I drove and wouldn’t have dreamt about along for petrol money as I was getting free accommodation. The other friend (who wasn’t driving) bought food and wine for us all. To me that’s how it works - to ask for money AFTER the event is crass imo

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 12:18

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 12:12

Yes, she's not going to get invited again.

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Are you the op? Is this a name change fail? You’re not inviting her again? Or are you pretending to be the op and deciding? I’m really confused

TheOriginalEmu · 14/06/2023 12:23

I would have paid half before being asked 🤷🏼‍♀️.

julesplusvodka · 14/06/2023 12:25

Palmasailor please read the original post again to understand it was £400.00 per person

MavisMcMinty · 14/06/2023 12:26

Whether or not it’s the OP, and whether or not she paid the £20, I’d’ve thought it very unlikely she’ll invite this particular friend again.

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 12:26

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 12:18

Are you the op? Is this a name change fail? You’re not inviting her again? Or are you pretending to be the op and deciding? I’m really confused

Show quote history

No, I'm not the OP and I wasnt deciding for her.

😂Sorry for the confusion.

I meant I wouldn't invite her again.

If I was the friend I would have bought OP some flowers as well as paying for the fuel as I would have happy she had asked me to join her.

I know OP didn't pay anything but it was hers and she could have took someone else.

HandsupSue · 14/06/2023 12:28

How long have you known this friend?

and in that time, what has her approach to money been?

WomblingTree86 · 14/06/2023 12:31

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 11:59

Initially I was on your side OP but then I started to think about it and in your situation I think I would be happy to split the costs and probably would have offered to in the first place. A free £800 weekend for £20 each isn’t much. Yes you chose to take her on a nice trip, but you’ve essentially gotten the whole weekend for free now at the expense of your friend, if you had gotten an £800 weekend as part of a raffle or paid some kind of cost towards it then that would be different. If it was just a trip for one it would have cost you in petrol anyway so I don’t really see why your friend needs to pick up the costs of that on her own just because you picked her.

Why would it be different if she won it in a Raffle?

IFIWASAFISH · 14/06/2023 12:33

Ok I was originally thinking she was cheeky but I have changed my mind.
I think another way to look at this is if you had had to travel there by train would you have expected her to pay for your train ticket to get there?
I have done a lot of press events through work and I would have offered the petrol money to her tbh. Yes she is getting a nice free trip with you but it has still cost her £40 that she was not previously planning to spend. Is money tight for her?

OttoGraph · 14/06/2023 12:36

OP gets a free trip to London all expenses paid including the petrol for the trip as her friend drove.

If OP had driven would she have asked for half the petrol money or the total petrol money for the trip?

intheatticwiththematches · 14/06/2023 12:40

I’m surprised you drove 3 hours? from Bristol to London which could have been stressful if either/neither of you were used to busy motorways/central London traffic
when
the train from Bristol Temple Meads to Paddington for both of you booking online would be about £110, RETURN ie £55. each, arrive unruffled in 1.5 hours as opposed to a lengthy road trip with possible holdups.

£20.00 petrol money which does not cover wear and tear and being driven is a modest amount of money for a 6/7 at least hour round trip. Perhaps your friend feels taken advantage of?

Your question was regarding £20 fuel contribution, that’s all, the other extraneous stuff is irrelevant to this question, creating a Strawman argument.

Paying £20 willingly, graciously, would have been the right thing to do, shame you had to be asked.
Offering and expecting to pay your share, (extra weight, more fuel used) would have been more elegant.