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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:21

HermioneWeasley · 12/06/2023 21:30

Some people on here were raised by wolves.

OP didn’t get it “for free”, she got it in recognition of her hard work. Who knows what that was - perhaps many hours of unpaid overtime, or anti social hours, or travelling around the country, or working weeks without a break? None of which her friend did, and she benefitted entirely. If she couldn’t afford the fuel she should have politely declined.

THIS, with bells on.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 13/06/2023 07:24

Have you decided what you'll do yet @Sundaycoffee?

Swrigh1234 · 13/06/2023 07:27

Where do people find friends like these?

DilemmaDelilah · 13/06/2023 07:28

My initial thought was that that was an incredibly cheap thing for her to do.... Then I thought back to my 'poor' days, when I could not have afforded an extra £20 for petrol regardless of having been given a lovely all expenses paid trip away.

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:33

ChrisPPancake · 12/06/2023 21:40

YABU. You didn't pay anything towards either your or your friend's hotel/food/drink, why should she pay all of the travel expenses?

Hot take I guess? Frankly amazed at all this "logic".

The friend was given a gift. Yes, gift. When I invite a friend and offer her a holiday worth 400 pounds, it is a gift. And on top of it I will be presented a bill for the transport costs too, at the end of the weekend that I gifted? Feck that.

And feck all the convoluted logic of how OP didn't pay for it. OP has deserved and paid for the perks through her hard work and long term association with her workplace? It was not charity? Her employer did not hand out the perks because they were bored?

OP got the gift voucher as an acknowledgment for her hard work. It would not exist without the OP. Friend got to enjoy the fruits of OP's labour, as a gift. How is this not clear?!

Preps · 13/06/2023 07:36

AbraKedavra · 13/06/2023 02:46

Which car gets you Bristol to London and back for only £40?

My DS is in Uni in Bristol. I live east of London.

I takes just over half a tank to take him back and drive home so £40 is about right in my Ford Puma.

Panpastels · 13/06/2023 07:42

So if you had driven and paid the petrol, would you have asked for her to pay all of the £40? In reality wouldn't she have offered to pay half, given that the weekend wasn't costing you anything?

MavisMcMinty · 13/06/2023 07:45

I regularly drive the 120-mile trip between Bristol and London and it would cost me less than a tenner each way. She’s got a bloody nerve asking for any money at all. YANBU.

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:52

Eggs2022 · 12/06/2023 22:11

People are absolutely mad. Sure the OP ‘didn’t pay anything’ and the friend did but if someone was the reason you got an expensive weekend away all paid for wouldn’t you consider that enough of a contribution to the whole thing?? Maybe not monetary but I think the friend has benefitted massively from the OP and she should be thrilled it only cost her £40. More
of a ‘aren’t I lucky to be in this position’ rather than a split 50/50 - cos it’s not 50/50 she contributed nothing to the weekend away in any shape or form otherwise

Yes! We don't even know if friend is skint, there are only endless hyperbole here, trust the fellow nutheads to make her into someone on the dole and OP the unreasonable one for daring to make the Friend feel bad"

Even without considering economic status, let's see what the Friend has gained. A relaxing weekend away from routine, presumably in a nice hotel, good food, good company. ALL FOR FREE, or rather, driving/petrol costs. And on top of it, without discussing with OP beforehand, she also presents her a bill for 20 quids, because she has decided that OP's perk was worth only 20 quids. Ungrateful sod.

Darker · 13/06/2023 07:53

DilemmaDelilah · 13/06/2023 07:28

My initial thought was that that was an incredibly cheap thing for her to do.... Then I thought back to my 'poor' days, when I could not have afforded an extra £20 for petrol regardless of having been given a lovely all expenses paid trip away.

There is no indication that she’s broke but if she was she should have said so when they were discussing who was driving.

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:54

MasterBeth · 12/06/2023 23:08

I hope you paid for half of that. She wouldn't have bought it if you hadn't dragged her against her will on this break.

Show quote history

😂

Cornishclio · 13/06/2023 08:03

Although the trip was free the OP earned it so I would think that would be enough of a contribution. Her CF friend is ungrateful. I would have sent the OP flowers after the trip as a thank you and paid the nominal petrol costs without fuss. An all expenses trip for a weeken for £40 is a bargain. Why does the CF friend think she should be in same position as OP when she did nothing to earn the trip in the first place?

curlywurlylover666 · 13/06/2023 08:06

Swrigh1234 · 13/06/2023 07:27

Where do people find friends like these?

That is exactly my thought. What is wrong with people!

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/06/2023 08:07

Avondale89 · 12/06/2023 21:55

If she desperately needed £20 then she should have declined the trip. It would have been polite for her to get her friend a small token of thanks afterwards for inviting her on the trip. Were some of you dragged up?

Show quote history

And it has already been mentioned that the friend bought herself merchandise relating to the artist they went to see.

Nothing wrong with that, but it does suggest that she has enough cash to treat herself.

curlywurlylover666 · 13/06/2023 08:07

DilemmaDelilah · 13/06/2023 07:28

My initial thought was that that was an incredibly cheap thing for her to do.... Then I thought back to my 'poor' days, when I could not have afforded an extra £20 for petrol regardless of having been given a lovely all expenses paid trip away.

If this is truly the case then the friend should have said I cannot afford to get there and decline the invite unless the OP said she would pay.

Thehippowife · 13/06/2023 08:09

IsAnybodyListening · 12/06/2023 20:22

I'd be very blunt in my reply. 'I gave you a free trip worth arguably over 1k. Do you really need me to give you 20 quid petrol money on top of that?'

This!

liverpoolgal82 · 13/06/2023 08:11

ditalini · 12/06/2023 20:37

I'm kind of staggered by the number of posters who would have accepted £400 worth of freebie from a mate and not even drive and pay for petrol as a thank you.

Wow.

Me too. It’s like a parallel universe on here to me sometimes. Nobody I know in my life would have text me asking for £20 after a freebie weekend and it wouldn’t have entered my head to ask for half of the petrol money on a journey I’d be doing anyway to get to the hotel. So it would have cost the friend £40 regardless - whether the op had got in the car or not. If I couldn’t afford the £40 petrol cost to a freebie weekend then I would have declined the invite.
Mean and tight-fisted is what it is.
Decline the invite if you can’t afford the petrol cost there to a freebie weekend where you’ll be eating and drinking the £40 cost before the first nightfall.

liverpoolgal82 · 13/06/2023 08:12

And on top of paying for the petrol in my own car as a thank you to my mate I’d have also sent flowers and wine (or similar things ) as a thank you also. Staggered at such tightness.

liverpoolgal82 · 13/06/2023 08:15

And I’m certainly not flush. I just get by - self employed up and down, so if I couldn’t do petrol and a thank you gift then I’d not have gone.

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 08:17

deciduouspants · 13/06/2023 04:10

@Sundaycoffee YABU. The only person paying for your outing is your friend.
Perhaps she is hard pressed to find forty pounds to enable you to enjoy your
free gift.

Yet Skint Friend was happy to spend money on merch during that weekend and utilise OP's gift voucher to visit an artist that she had always wanted to see....

bakebeans · 13/06/2023 08:18

Oh dear

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/06/2023 08:20

If I was the friend I'd have been happy to pay for the petrol and probably got you some flowers/wine to say thank you.

daisychain01 · 13/06/2023 08:23

Oscar Wilde's wise words were written for some of the posters on this thread - people who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

the situation is not about the fact it was a "free" trip that the OP didn't have to pay for, it's all about the gesture of generosity that the OP thought her friend would enjoy going with her to enjoy the event together. And how does that friend respond? Sticks out her hand and bills her for petrol money, while disregarding the meaning behind the gesture, and the companionship. £20 was more important than the friendship.

social skills and awareness of true friendship are very rare nowadays judging by the comments!

starfishmummy · 13/06/2023 08:24

Like some others, if I'd been given a free holiday I'd happily have paid for the petrol and certainly a thank you gift too.

In the OPs position I'd probably hand over the money (grudgingly) and make sure that I never treated my "friend" to anything again - asking her for her half no matter what we are doing.

JandalsAlways · 13/06/2023 08:30

daisychain01 · 13/06/2023 08:23

Oscar Wilde's wise words were written for some of the posters on this thread - people who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

the situation is not about the fact it was a "free" trip that the OP didn't have to pay for, it's all about the gesture of generosity that the OP thought her friend would enjoy going with her to enjoy the event together. And how does that friend respond? Sticks out her hand and bills her for petrol money, while disregarding the meaning behind the gesture, and the companionship. £20 was more important than the friendship.

social skills and awareness of true friendship are very rare nowadays judging by the comments!

This is a perfect summary. I was horrified that the friend asked for money, and then with some of the comments that it didn't cost OP anything. But what you've put here articulates it so well.

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