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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
Casilero · 13/06/2023 01:43

fucktonofcats · 13/06/2023 01:29

Did this really cost the OP nothing?

Maybe the company are going to put it on a PSA, gross-up and pay the tax.

Or, maybe, it's going to go on the OP's P11d, and she's going to pay tax on that £400 value.

Let's assume the OP is going to pay an additional £80 of tax through their tax code.

So... the friend owes the OP £60.

Good point. And maybe OP is a higher rate tax payer?

Bigbumbetty · 13/06/2023 02:06

ItsNotRocketSalad · 12/06/2023 20:18

Reply with a laughing face and "Good one! Can you imagine?"

Hopefully will bring her to her senses.

This! I would have to do this!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 13/06/2023 02:28

CalistoNoSolo · 12/06/2023 20:33

God, this stupid fucking forum.

Well, I agree! However I'm curious which side you're on?!

Coolhwip · 13/06/2023 02:35

I just bet she expected you to offer the full £40.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 13/06/2023 02:40

changeyerheadworzel · 12/06/2023 20:47

Absolutely mortified for her! Mean as ditchwater.

I believe the term is dishwater. Just a polite fyi

AlfietheSchnauzer · 13/06/2023 02:41

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/06/2023 20:51

If she genuinely is hard up this weekend will have saved her much more than £20.

THIS

AbraKedavra · 13/06/2023 02:46

Which car gets you Bristol to London and back for only £40?

Minimili · 13/06/2023 04:03

I’ve been in a similar situation where I won some Katy Perry tickets and took my niece, my best friend and her daughter the same age as my niece. They were really good seats but I wouldn’t have even considered asking for money, I was happy to treat a friend.

I hadn’t passed my driving test so the plan was to get a coach, my friend offered to drive and fuel was £50. I paid for us all to go to a restaurant before the concert as well so I was surprised when asked for my half of the fuel money.
I didn’t comment I just paid £21.36 into my friends bank account. I chose a random amount because I thought it’d be a talking point and waited to see if she brought up it not being split equally or mentioned it to other friends.

If I’d been asked about why fuel wasn’t split in half I was going to use that opportunity to say it wasn’t an equal situation! My friend didn’t raise it with me but it obviously annoyed her because she did complain to mutual friends, she also couldn’t deny discussing it afterwards with it being such a random amount.

It was also extra hurtful in my situation because my friend was in a far better financial situation and didn’t have to work as her husband earned a lot - I was working 55 hours a week as a mental health carer. I often paid for lunches and meals out and bought my friends daughter gifts but it was rarely reciprocated, it made me realise how unbalanced our friendship was.

This was 10 years ago and paying that random amount saved our friendship as we were able to have an honest discussion about it. My friend realised she didn’t really bother thinking about money because she was used to having it. After that she was far more respectful of my financial situation and when her husband left her and I finished training and got a better paid job the roles reversed.

If a friendship is strong and can survive the discussion then it’s worth bringing it up when things like this happen. If it can’t survive then it wasn’t a true friendship anyway.

deciduouspants · 13/06/2023 04:10

@Sundaycoffee YABU. The only person paying for your outing is your friend.
Perhaps she is hard pressed to find forty pounds to enable you to enjoy your
free gift.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 13/06/2023 04:24

I only knew one person this cheap my entire life, this exactly the type of stuff she tried to pull all the time. When called on it she would be crying and be a big baby. YaNbu at all. They are an ungrateful ...

Coolhwip · 13/06/2023 04:40

Minimili · 13/06/2023 04:03

I’ve been in a similar situation where I won some Katy Perry tickets and took my niece, my best friend and her daughter the same age as my niece. They were really good seats but I wouldn’t have even considered asking for money, I was happy to treat a friend.

I hadn’t passed my driving test so the plan was to get a coach, my friend offered to drive and fuel was £50. I paid for us all to go to a restaurant before the concert as well so I was surprised when asked for my half of the fuel money.
I didn’t comment I just paid £21.36 into my friends bank account. I chose a random amount because I thought it’d be a talking point and waited to see if she brought up it not being split equally or mentioned it to other friends.

If I’d been asked about why fuel wasn’t split in half I was going to use that opportunity to say it wasn’t an equal situation! My friend didn’t raise it with me but it obviously annoyed her because she did complain to mutual friends, she also couldn’t deny discussing it afterwards with it being such a random amount.

It was also extra hurtful in my situation because my friend was in a far better financial situation and didn’t have to work as her husband earned a lot - I was working 55 hours a week as a mental health carer. I often paid for lunches and meals out and bought my friends daughter gifts but it was rarely reciprocated, it made me realise how unbalanced our friendship was.

This was 10 years ago and paying that random amount saved our friendship as we were able to have an honest discussion about it. My friend realised she didn’t really bother thinking about money because she was used to having it. After that she was far more respectful of my financial situation and when her husband left her and I finished training and got a better paid job the roles reversed.

If a friendship is strong and can survive the discussion then it’s worth bringing it up when things like this happen. If it can’t survive then it wasn’t a true friendship anyway.

Love this. It has everything: a CF, a MNer that makes a silent protest and finally - redemption.

daisychain01 · 13/06/2023 04:57

category12 · 12/06/2023 20:25

I dunno why everyone seems to be outraged - OP was given the trip, she didn't pay out for it by looks of it.

So yeah, it was nice of her to take this person, but she's paid nothing while the friend paid for the petrol. If it was a freebie, then it's not like OP was Lady Bountiful.

If I were the friend I wouldn't have asked for petrol money, but if I was OP I'd have shared the petrol costs.

Lol, really? are you the friend?

the fact the OP chose that particular friend would surely make that friend feel more than just a little grateful for being the one to enjoy an all-expense paid for trip that they haven't had to arrange, book, pay for and wouldnt have otherwise enjoyed.

Asking for 20 quid petrol money is seriously unclassy and socially clueless.

daisychain01 · 13/06/2023 05:05

deciduouspants · 13/06/2023 04:10

@Sundaycoffee YABU. The only person paying for your outing is your friend.
Perhaps she is hard pressed to find forty pounds to enable you to enjoy your
free gift.

If she was that hard up for the £40 petrol money that she had to stoop so low as to ask for £20 (seriously doubt it) then it would have been a topic of discussion at the time the OP offered her the all-expenses paid trip, "Sorry OP I'm so short this month I can't afford to drive us to the airport".

as if. More like a tight wad.

Advicerequest · 13/06/2023 05:08

Is she hard up?
i've been given free trips by wealthier friends and then the additional stuff to make it work (transport, dinners etc) has been more than I can afford. I paid of course without trying to split it

belcarra · 13/06/2023 05:15

Pay her in cash, in ten pence coins, she may get the message. 😂

MissedItByThisMuch · 13/06/2023 05:39

MN is like a window into a different universe sometimes and this is one of those times. The only thing that shocks me more than the ill-mannered, mean-spirited, money-grubbing obliviousness of the friend is the number of people on this thread defending her behaviour.

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/06/2023 05:55

category12 · 12/06/2023 21:42

There's no also, @Elvis1956. OP paid nothing.

Whether OP paid for the ticket in hard cash is immaterial (as a PP pointed out - she has "paid" for it in hard work).

This friend has enjoyed £400 worth of relaxing luxury and good food for 40 quid! To ask for half of that 40 quid back is churlish to say the least.

CreepingJenny · 13/06/2023 06:03

Bigbumbetty · 13/06/2023 02:06

This! I would have to do this!

Same!

Aprilx · 13/06/2023 06:22

Elvis1956 · 12/06/2023 20:28

But the op was given this as a reward for the work she did...the friend got a £400 trip for the cost of driving them there. The op could have taken anyone to share her rewards, but chose this friend.

If you honestly think she should pay the petrol money I'm just glad you're not my mate

Poster didn’t say they thought OP should pay for the petrol, she said she would have offered if she was the OP. I would have offered too if I was the OP, but if I were OPs friend, I would not have asked for money, so I agree with category12.

I also don’t really get the outrage, OP didn’t pay for this trip. The only person with expenses was the friend, that is why I would have offered to split if I were the OP.

InTodaysNews · 13/06/2023 06:29

I would be delighted at getting a £400 trip for £40. Bargain.

Preps · 13/06/2023 06:57

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 23:06

I don't get the impression it was this. She told me she liked / wanted to see this particular artist. She also spent money on merch when there

I note you didn't answer the question about who you'd have taken if she declined?

I agree, it's surprising she asked, I wouldn't have done, but I do wonder what her version of this story is.

curlywurlylover666 · 13/06/2023 06:57

Wexone · 12/06/2023 21:35

Sweet Jesus if this was me no matter how hard done I am there is no way I would ask for the 20e back. there was a reason you picked this friend wasn't there ? Good company ? did she have to put her hand in her pocket at all over the weekend? does she have children she had to arrange to be minded? more details please. but if it was me I would be horrified. I would pay and then drop her. my sister has a company car. with no limit on fuel. she aways offers to drive if we go anywhere. it's a nicer car too. it's a perk of her job and she works hard for it. if she does long driving etc we pay for lunch coffee etc and even sent her flowers after one long drive to a funeral and yes if someone gave me a free ticket I would offer to pat for their train ticket or dinner..its called manners.

100% this. Its called manners, being a friend and recognising when someone does something kind for you.

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:05

I often get free event tickets, courtesy my job - where I work my a$$ off.

Next time I invite a friend to enjoy a movie or fancy catered event and she accepts to come, I'll make sure I pay half her petrol cost to get from her place to the venue. LMAO. Nope 🙄

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:09

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:05

I often get free event tickets, courtesy my job - where I work my a$$ off.

Next time I invite a friend to enjoy a movie or fancy catered event and she accepts to come, I'll make sure I pay half her petrol cost to get from her place to the venue. LMAO. Nope 🙄

If Friend had told me she is hard up and needs the cab fare etc when accepted my invite, I'd certainly make arrangements for that. Either we would have taken public transport, I'd pick her up or I'd be prepared to pay towards her transport expenses.

But if she gives me a bill for half whatever AFTER she enjoyed the event, I'll be annoyed and would probably never invite her anywhere again.

PuppyMonkey · 13/06/2023 07:13

The trip wouldn’t even have existed without OP. That’s her contribution to the weekend. The friend would have been sat at home with Netflix and a Co-op pizza if OP hadn’t invited her to join her on this MASSIVE £400 TREAT.