To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

[Sundaycoffee]

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

Is it totally free for you - or a taxable benefit ? Even if you are only taxed on the incremental cost to your company, you will still have some tax cost .

OP didn't get it for free - any more than anyone gets their salaries, perks, bonuses and annual leave for "free". It was part of her "reward package" for doing her job!

I agree!

I don't get the impression it was this. She told me she liked / wanted to see this particular artist. She also spent money on merch when there

I'd probably send the full £40 (because I'm a petty cow, readily happy to cut my nose off to spite my face if it's going to go any way towards proving a point) reply to the message with a thumbs up and have a bit of space from her for a bit.

I think she's being an incredibly CF, and going forwards I probably wouldn't feel massively giving towards her.

I hope you paid for half of that. She wouldn't have bought it if you hadn't dragged her against her will on this break.

Exactly!

I'm lucky enough to benefit from my brother in laws freebies from his job. He works crazy hours and this is one of the "perks" to make up for that. So if my sister offers me one of her free concert tickets, football tickets, event tickets, whatever then I am very grateful and I'll INSIST on paying for both of our taxis there and back, plus INSIST on getting a round in. Which is way more than 40 quid. Of course my sister will do this "oh no you don't have to" (and means it) and I'll do the "no, I insist". My sister has these tickets in the first place because her husband works crazy hours, and she's certainly not short on people to offer free Beyoncé tickets to.

Our mother even feels the need to remind me about my manners (despite the fact I'm 50 and the answer is always the same). She'll ring me up and say "oh isn't it nice your sister invited you, it would be nice if you, for example paid for the taxi". Yes mum I know!

I'm gonna tell my mum to come on here. She'd be in her element 🤣🤣

It was a prize for work she had done. Her friend hasn't done that work.

Because the OP got them the trip for free in the first place! She’s more than “paid her way” by offering it to the friend!

I have realised tonight that this is one of my favourite types of threads!

I actually really liked "Grench". I'm adopting that for swearwords said in a Grinch like manner. So maybe the dictionary definition would be

"Swearwords directed towards an individual or group of people. Eg, pardon my Grench, but you are all a bunch of twats"

Maybe OP doesn't drive? Not everyone has their license

She's a CF for sure but is it worth removing a friend over £20. From her point of view you got the trip for free too and I bet she thinks and £20 each was worth it for the time away.

Mine too 😀

Even if she'd stayed at home and literally done nothing all weekend, she'd still have needed to eat, use utilities and drink something even if it was just tap water. And given most people don't just live on gruel and tap water, surely she'd have spent more than 40 quid on a weekend by not going?

She's a right CF, and obviously not the only one. if a friend took me for free on a weekend worth £400 pp, I would automatically offer to pay train fare/ petrol or take her for dinner as a thank you. It wouldn't matter whether it was a reward from work, won in a competition or whatever, it's the principle.

OP, if it's a taxable benefit, bill her 50% of the tax. Otherwise, give her £20 and ditch her.

this.

You are not BU, but pay the £20. And when you text to confirm you have, say 'hey you just won't believe the luxury/super weekend I've been given by work this month !' And then of course don't reply when she asks.

She's a CF for sure but is it worth removing a friend over £20.

The friend should be asking herself the same question, surely.

Just wandering if she is annoyed about something, so asking for the money.

Did she offer to drive, or did you ask her to? If the latter, is that why you asked this friend in particular, so you had a lift?

Was it a good trip, did she enjoy herself? If she enjoyed herself, then yes, she is being very cheeky.

How about
'I am really taken aback by your request for £20 for petrol. You've just had a free, lovely weekend, all expenses paid - hotel, food, drink and entertainment- because I asked if you wanted to come with me and share my prize. You chose to come along, we had a great time and I can't believe you're now asking me for £20 petrol money- I'm really disappointed by this and what it says about how you value our friendship.
I wondered if you wanted to reconsider the request before I consider my response.'

Same. I'm way over invested in this.

It's not often I get a chance to look down on others in relation to manners though. I eat with my elbows on the table, I quite often just use a fork (in the wrong hand), I frequently didn't get round to posting my children's "thank you" letters for gifts, and I'm terrible with remembering birthdays. In fact just this month I got the month wrong on a close family members birthday.

On this though, I'm confident, my manners are 100% correct 😁

Doesn't matter what her "friend" requests.

OP never agreed to cover the petrol costs before the trip.

Thats all that matters now if the "friend" decides to go down this path.

I would simply ignore her and move on.

Then don't go.
Simple really

In my experience, the tightwads rely on precisely this logic.

I would stand my ground. Do not enable this behavior.