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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
GG1986 · 12/06/2023 22:23

Preps · 12/06/2023 20:24

TBH if the trip was all expenses paid so hasn't cost you anything, I'd have probably offered petrol money in your shoes. I definitely wouldn't have asked for it in her shoes though.

OOI how did she come to be doing the driving?

This! She is £40 down. You've paid nothing at all as it was all expenses paid trip and now you are expecting her to pay all the petrol money too.

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:23

XiCi · 12/06/2023 20:37

But they haven't saved £400 because they wouldn't have gone if OP hadn't asked them along. They have effectively lost £40. I'm sure it was a lovely treat but maybe they can't afford to lose that £40

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Seems unlikely, given that she runs a better car than OP. If I couldn't afford to give my friend a pretty generous present as a thank you for a trip like that, I wouldn't go on the trip.

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:23

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:20

Manners also dictate that when someone drives you a long distance, you offer to pay half the petrol.

You may not expect your offer to be taken up, but you make it anyway. You don't assume.

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Yes, absolutely, if they're doing you a favour and driving you to Heathrow Airport. It would be reasonable for you to cover the petrol costs that you had incurred, and recognise them doing you a favour.

No, not if what is waiting for them at the other end is an entirely free holiday weekend in London.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/06/2023 22:25

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:20

OK, but if you were my friend, I'd be splitting the cost with you. Because you don't need to compensate me for sharing a gift with you.

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I would offer to pay before my friend even had a chance to offer. I know me and I would say, I’d love to come, I’ll pay the petrol because I’m getting a free trip (regardless of the fact my friend isn’t paying for it either but she ‘earned it’ and I didn’t). She is inviting me when she could have invited someone else.

GodSaveTheClean · 12/06/2023 22:25

Sorry but I’m with your friend here. It was a very kind gesture to invite her. But you paid nothing for the trip, and you also got a free ride.

The trip and car ride are two separate things in my mind.

You were both benefitting equally and yet it has cost your friend £40 and you nothing.

BackAgainstWall · 12/06/2023 22:26

YADNBU
Don’t even bother replying.

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:27

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 20:38

Also......why wasn't travel included in this perk? Perhaps she's suspicious you only asked her cos she had a car and was willing to drive. If you'd asked a different friend who didn't have access to a car would you both have just paid for your own train fares? Probably would have cost you more than 40 quid maybe?

OP's already said she has a car and would have driven if her friend hadn't. If the friend was that suspicious of OP's motives, no-one was forcing her to accept the holiday.

Coolhwip · 12/06/2023 22:27

I bet a tenner that OP is the more generous friend out of the two of them.

Stop all that now, OP. Time to be tighter than a duck’s twat with her, coz she is one anyway.

MoirasSaggyBundles · 12/06/2023 22:27

Tell the CF friend you'll pay her petrol - only after she off sets the amount of money she's have spent on food and utilities had she spent the weekend on her arse at home rather than on a lovely break with you.

Caramelatt · 12/06/2023 22:28

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/06/2023 21:26

Yes, she had, but then by your argument she's expected to pay for the "honour" of being the chosen one. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's conferring monetary value onto a friendship. Just offer the nice thing with no strings attached and just split any additional costs. Like a good friend would. It's up to the receiver to show thanks "for being chosen" in any way they choose/can manage. If all they can manage is to pay their own half share of the unexpected petrol cost, and utter a really really heartfelt genuine verbal thankyou and appreciation at being asked, then why, if OP was a genuine friend, would that not be enough appreciation?

This whole thing reminds me of those timeshare scandals. Get a holiday paid for but you end up paying out all sorts that you hadn't bargained for.

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How can this be compared to timeshare scandal?

Seriously, how can you say you don't like pile on and think of all possibilities while also comparing Op's gesture to timeshare scandal. Atleast you could have made sure your comparison really made sense, when you have been telling others theirs don't.

Sometimes, we should read back our posts to see if we are really behaving in the manner we are asking others to.

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:28

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:23

Yes, absolutely, if they're doing you a favour and driving you to Heathrow Airport. It would be reasonable for you to cover the petrol costs that you had incurred, and recognise them doing you a favour.

No, not if what is waiting for them at the other end is an entirely free holiday weekend in London.

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No, if you're going on a trip together and one person is doing the driving, you offer petrol money unless the other person has said don't worry about the petrol or you've otherwise discussed it.

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:28

GodSaveTheClean · 12/06/2023 22:25

Sorry but I’m with your friend here. It was a very kind gesture to invite her. But you paid nothing for the trip, and you also got a free ride.

The trip and car ride are two separate things in my mind.

You were both benefitting equally and yet it has cost your friend £40 and you nothing.

OP earned the trip through her work. She didn't pay nothing.

Trina89 · 12/06/2023 22:29

YANBU OP but CFs no longer surprise me. Unbelievable and shameless.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/06/2023 22:30

GodSaveTheClean · 12/06/2023 22:25

Sorry but I’m with your friend here. It was a very kind gesture to invite her. But you paid nothing for the trip, and you also got a free ride.

The trip and car ride are two separate things in my mind.

You were both benefitting equally and yet it has cost your friend £40 and you nothing.

Would you though have actually done it yourself? If you’d had a free trip because your friend invited you to this would you have sent your friend a request to pay £20 after the event?

If money is so tight for the friend then this should have been discussed before the trip. After the trip is just wrong to me.

Trina89 · 12/06/2023 22:30

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:28

OP earned the trip through her work. She didn't pay nothing.

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True but she could have taken her mum or someone, not this CF friend. But she did and it was for the value of hundreds of pounds. That’s a very generous gift for a mate, I think.

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:31

Not only was it bad manners to ask for the petrol money, it was very silly of your friend. Something tells me you won't be asking her again if a similar offer comes up in the future.

Coolhwip · 12/06/2023 22:31

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 22:31

Not only was it bad manners to ask for the petrol money, it was very silly of your friend. Something tells me you won't be asking her again if a similar offer comes up in the future.

Exactly, she’s shot herself in the foot.

NisekoWhistler · 12/06/2023 22:31

Keen to know how this ends up, what on earth was your "friend" thinking!?!

Trina89 · 12/06/2023 22:32

@Kiwano I see what you mean now and we’re in agreement!

EggInANest · 12/06/2023 22:32

£40 for a return journey Bristol -London is really economical on petrol! Or my (ordinary) car is a guzzler!

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 12/06/2023 22:33

How embarrassing for her. Imagine thinking this is OK.

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:34

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:28

No, if you're going on a trip together and one person is doing the driving, you offer petrol money unless the other person has said don't worry about the petrol or you've otherwise discussed it.

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The OP has provided the CF friend an all expenses paid weekend in London.

The very least that the friend can do is to cover the cost of the fuel to get them there and back, as a recognition of the OP's kindness and because to do otherwise would be rude.

This works for me. Out of interest, how would you have shown recognition to the OP of the free holiday if she'd taken you with her?

Trina89 · 12/06/2023 22:34

Looking at some of the replies, there are clearly lots of CFs on this thread...

category12 · 12/06/2023 22:37

GoldDuster · 12/06/2023 22:34

The OP has provided the CF friend an all expenses paid weekend in London.

The very least that the friend can do is to cover the cost of the fuel to get them there and back, as a recognition of the OP's kindness and because to do otherwise would be rude.

This works for me. Out of interest, how would you have shown recognition to the OP of the free holiday if she'd taken you with her?

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I'd have driven, said "oh no no" to any offers of petrol money and bought drinks and stuff. Probably given OP a gift and a thank you card afterwards.

But I'd have been a bit surprised to have it just assumed that I'd pay the petrol.

StolenCookie · 12/06/2023 22:37

Everyone saying that the OP got this trip for ‘free’ is wrong. This is a work perk. OP did not stumble on this weekend by complete chance. They earned it. I think it’s insane to request petrol money after enjoying an all expenses paid weekend away. Not just a one-off freebie but a whole weekend.

Pure madness.

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