To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

[Housekeeperbatcocoa]

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

Just caught up on yhr confusion over her prescriptions - i don't pay for them, but i'm the one who orders them, collects them, and make sure she takes the pills.

As a rather scatty person who uses two informal ‘members of staff’ (Au pair and self employed cleaner) I’d encourage you to be simple but firm about a way of managing petty cash.

I’m often super busy and the admin of paying someone irregular amounts (cleaner pretty much comes as she pleases she has other jobs which take priority) stresses me out a bit, I always encourage them to pester me if I forget! Admittedly I don’t often think of the consequences of one of them being out of pocket by a few quid for a week or so so this thread has encouraged me to do better!!

Perhaps ask to keep a diary next to that change jar in which you list what you were owed and took, with a receipt if necessary? If she doesn’t trust you to do this, and only pays you £10 an hour then I’d suggest looking for a job where you are more valued.

£10 per hour is very low. I’d increase your hourly rate and if she doesn’t pay think about leaving.

I do find sometimes people who’ve been used to living a certain way forget about the costs of things or increases and also sometimes think people are out to con them.

I’d be tempted to have a sit down chat to explain how paying for things out of your salary isn’t working for you nor is it fair. If she doesn’t like it tough. Again people of a certain age or class think they’re entitled to things. My grandfather was a bit like this, brought up in competitive luxury and didn’t have to worry about money until family lost it due to world wars. He then on a state pension convinced the bank to allow him a credit card which he racked up a huge debt on and expected his wealthier daughter to bail him out (she did), then he expected an allowance from her, basically it went on daily trips to the pub, daily bottles of wine, expensive cheese, cigarettes and other delicatessen items, not a lot you’d think but at the rate he got through it it added up! My DM got out of supporting him as she was a divorced mum of 2 children.

I'm glad to see you put it back, because I'd hate her to have something to hold over you.

But, she's exploiting you and disrespecting you, and it's especially disgusting considering what you've been through. She's taking money from your kids! You need to stand up to her, and give her notice that you're increasing your hourly rate.

OP you don't need to feel awkward about putting up your rate, most people in your position are. I've received texts from my cleaner and mobile hairdresser that say "due to the increase in the cost of living, my new rate will be £x per hour starting on [insert date]." I think this is normal at the moment.

If she has half a brain she might even be expecting it. If she is rich then an extra pound or 2 an hour isn't going to bother her and she won't want the hassle of trying to find a new person.

If she fires you it's probably only going to be if there's something she doesn't like about the service you provide.

I've no time for people who are 'super busy' and expect others to 'pester them' for money owed. It shows total contempt to make employees grovel like that.

This, you stole it

Refuse to pay for anything again x

Yawn… I’m very generous, very relaxed/flexible and upfront about my shortcomings in the organisation department! Both individuals are happy, valued and have been with us long term.

There’s a big difference between ‘making someone grovel’ and ensuring they feel comfortable saying ‘you owe me another £5 from last week’

if OP feels there is a power imbalance and so is uncomfortable having those conversations OR the employer is an entitled AH who thinks staff SHOULD pay for things out of pocket, that is different.

No she didn't. Read the thread.

You should have Sked if you could just take it from the change pot as you notice there is enough in there to reimburse you. Don't ever pay again. Insist she takes change for parking before you go.

What makes you reach that conclusion? Genuinely interested in the topic, not being goady or anything.

The employer is not theiving from the OP. It is a debt owed which is civil law.

Taking money that doesn't belong to you to intentionally deprive the other person of said money is theft and comes under criminal law.

This would come under section 1 of the Theft Act 1968 and the legal meaning is 'dishonestly appropriating property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it'.

As it was only £4 and it has been returned, it is unlikely action would be taken but by the legal and technical term, it is theft.

I felt the need to point this out because so many on here are saying it's not theft and someone reading it could genuinely think that is true and end up doing something similar and getting a criminal record.

You shouldn’t have taken the money without asking her directly in front of the change jar.

Next time she can’t pay for parking on her car, tell her you had to delete the app.

Oh FFS, the OP didn't steal it.
Your client sounds like a miserly twit and I cam imagine why she has to pay for someone to be her companion.
Od seriously up your hourly rate and see her reaction. She might not like it, but stand firm and I bet she wouldn't let you go... she knows your good and reliable! Seriously, think about it!!

Not exactly free. We pay more tax in Scotland than in England.

I think you need to take a look at your patronising shitty post.
Not once has the OP said she was resentful of her stingy employer.
You need to wind your neck in with the assumptions about the OP.
Your post says a lot about you though. Ffs there are some arseholes on here.

I missed that post.

I'm not resentful of her or her money. I'm just totally frustrated with not getting what I'm owed.

@Housekeeperbatcocoa Write the woman out an itemised invoice for what she owes you. Put that it is due by (7 days?, Friday?). When that date arrives tell her that the invoice is overdue - does she want you to get her cheque book/purse/coin jar. If she refuses, just tell her that you're not prepared to come back until she pays it, as you feel that she is taking advantage of your obliging nature.

She needs you more than you need her.

Don't just take money from the jar though - people use hidden cameras and all sorts. They might only see what they want to see.

Agree with itemising and invoicing her for the money you are out of pocket for ‘payable on request’, as she has shown she is not reliable to reimburse on an informal basis (have you see Mrs Harris goes to Paris? Reminds me of the ‘Lady’ she cleans for).

Keep a copy of your invoice, plus your original receipts - or you could use associated bank statement entries as proof if you can’t find all receipts.

Plus raise your fee…

I’d have taken the £4, she owed it to you, she didn’t give it to you.

Do not pay for anything from your pocket. Look for another job as no one should be working for a person like that. She needs to have respect but unfortunately it is very common with people with a lot of money.

The only answer is to absolutely refuse to ever pay for anything. Or to ask her in advance for a cash "float" for use at times like this.

The money is meaningless to her, but it sounds like a power struggle of some sort.

Just don't ever do the favour again.

I don't think it was theft. I feel really sorry for you being in that position. £10 an hour isn't a lot and so to take £4 back in parking fees is not on at all.

I wonder if what is happening is that your employer, being wealthy herself, has no idea what that money means for you, and is seeing it as some kind of thing that you would let slide if you liked her, and is maybe seeking that more informal or friendly basis to your relationship? Most people who are 'tight' or money focussed are not necessarily obsessed with the money itself but equate the money with importance, love, care, etc- you just need to look at any of the inheritance threads to see that. I wonder if a tactful conversation with your employer, emphasising this money means the difference between being able to meet your/and your families needs, might be enough to get her on your wavelength without torpedoing the job.

I'd leave her a letter.

Explain that it may not seem much to her, but it is to you because things are tight and £4 can make the difference for whether you can afford something or not.

Tell her that constantly asking her to pay you back is making you feel quite unhappy, and anxious about your own bills. Explain that £4 may not seem much to her, but it is to you because things are very tight financially and £4 can make the difference for whether you can afford something or not.

Tell her that you are going to have to stop paying for things upfront for her because you cannot afford it, and that from now on she will have to make arrangements to provide you with a cash float each week, and you will provide receipts for money spent.