To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

[Housekeeperbatcocoa]

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

Are you a companion for her, do housekeepers normally take their employers to the park, was it in your car or hers. If when you go out, it is her car just make an excuse to not pay the parking, if she doesn't pay it she will get the fine. Obviously be careful doing this if its your car.

Stop taking money to work, don't take any type of phone or payment method.

Then when she asks you to pay state I don't have any money with me. I can take you to a cash point or you can pay.

I think leaving a note makes it ok

Does she employ you herself or through an agency?

If it's directly can't you simply add "expenses" to your invoice? If it's through an agency, same thing - tell them what you've had to pay for and they will add it to her bill.

I get your frustration, OP, but I’m glad you out the money back. Mainly as it leaves you in a very vulnerable position should anything go missing in the future.

I think you’re selling yourself short in terms of other jobs. I pay my cleaner £20/hr and she’s in high demand. Even allowing for travel time, you’d be well able to take on enough clients around the school schedule/school run. My cleaner also does other jobs for me such as pet sitting when I’m away (paid, obviously). If you built up a few decent and regular clients, you’d be so much better off.

(And I’m rich and shop in Next- love their work trousers as they’re lovely and long!)

Exactly.
Well-off people are often incredibly stingy and very happy to have someone else pay for things. Getting “upset” is their way of getting away with it.
I get that you ask her for the money, repeatedly, and she doesn’t give it to you. So the only thing you can do is never pay for things on her behalf. If she wants to go to the park in your car, tell her you’re not paying for parking this time because she didn’t pay you back last time.

Is the change jar petty cash for you to use? If so you're fine to take it with a note.

If not, suggest one while asking for your £30 itemised!

The offence of theft requires a dishonest intent.

Therefore whilst people may argue it was the wrong course of action, it was not a criminal one.

Take the jar to her and ask her to give you the £4 for parking from it.

I'm on your side OP - this was, in effect, your money.

You didn't;t steal it in the sense of just putting it in your purse - you left a note saying how much you had taken and why, and gave a receipt.

But if I were you I'd look for a less stingy employer - I imagine she'll be raging when she finds out what you have done.

@TeapotCollection it’s currently £10.42 an hour. So £11 is just over, but the £4 reduces the OPs hourly rate and may breach NMW.

I think you’re selling yourself short in terms of other jobs. I pay my cleaner £20/hr and she’s in high demand.

I wondered about this - I don't have a cleaner (just a filthy house 😂) and don't know how much the going rate is, but £11/hr seemed a very low rate to me.

draft up and expenses sheet and tell her once a month- here are the expenses i’m out of pocket for, if you can add it to my pay next week that’ll be great.

YANBU. She should use some of her wealth to learn how to behave around other people as this is unacceptable. I would have done the same OP. She might think twice next time she tries to keep your hard earned money for herself.

Next time she asks tell her you don't have any money

As for this £4, I'd ask her for it, if she has a reason not to pay you, tell her it's fine and you'll leave half an hour earlier today to make up for the list wages

It's pointless suggesting the OP just asks for the money, with or without an invoice. She's already done that and the employer has pretended to get angry and refused to pay. She's not going to if asked again. It's her standard procedure to take advantage of someone she thinks has few options and is dependent on her job.

YANBU I wouldn't have left a note though this. She probably won't even notice there's £4 missing.

Most likely if they are using OP's car it's precisely because the employer knows that OP will be unable to refuse to pay for parking, as OP would be the one liable for the fine. I think OP's only option here is to decline to take employer to the park. Of course, the employer knows the OP needs the job and therefore OP is unlikely to say "no" to such requests. In other cases, whenever possible, OP should also say, "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me right now" or "sorry, my cashcard isn't working, I won't be able to get the money out" and other excuses to avoid being forced to pay for the employer's expenses.

Ask her to allow you to run a petty cash box. She puts, say, £50 cash in it and a small notebook. You put in the receipts, enter the purchase in the notebook, and take out the cash for your expenses. She tops it up every so often, having checked the receipts against what's left.

I would talk to her and make it clear that you need reimbursing for these things and give her a list of what it is so far.

ask her for a small petty cash float and keep a notebook to record all expenditure to protect both yourself and her.

Next time, before you go out, make sure that she has change for parking, or whatever it is that she wants you to get for her.

This won't stop unless you make it stop.

If you are using your car to take her out make sure your insurance covers you, you probably need business cover.
£11 seems very cheap to me and I’m up north. My cleaning is £16.50 an hour.

Just hand your notice in. Sounds like you've reached the end of the road with each other. It happens in most jobs eventually. Move on to another one.

Do you communicate by email or text? If you do, I think I'd message her, "you still owe me the money from the parking, I notice you have a change jar. Is it OK if I take it from the change jar". If she continues to fob you off, you can then later say "you still haven't given me the money you owe me, I'm going to take it from the change jar, if that's not OK, please let me know by X". Then she has to outright tell you not to take the money, which will be more difficult for her. Going forward, if you're doing this a lot, it might be sensible to organise some kind of petty cash system, so you can take cash for things like this freely (leaving receipts etc). If she refuses to pay you back, (if she refuses to let you take the money that's effectively what she's doing), and she refuses a petty cash system, I'd resign.

Get another job and leave.

Sorry, been getting the children home and fed.

It was her car - I'm a named driver on it and often use it to go to the shops or take her to appointments. She had a major illness last year and is no longer allowed to drive because it affected her sight.

Job was advertised as a housekeeper/companion. I agree that 10/ph is too low, especially now I'm in charge of her prescriptions and such.

The change jar probably has about £200 in it.

To those accusing me of lying - why would I make this up? I've had enough drama in my life lately to last a lifetime without telling tall tales! She shops in Next because she likes Next. I don't know how else to explain that.

I left it for today because I needed to get straight what I want to say. May write it down in a letter and give it to her. (She doesn't use mobiles or email.)

Why did I pay for the parking? Because she doesn't think about it and the wardens are very quick to fine without it.

I never used to be this soft, but it has honestly been an utterly rubbish year and i just don't have it in me to argue.