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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

279 replies

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 11:45

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

OP posts:
WaterIris · 13/06/2023 18:51

And in the letter I would itemise the list of everything she owes you this year, and ask that she either settle by cash or bank transfer next time you see her.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 13/06/2023 18:52

If you’re asking her when she’s busy with the vet, yeah I can see why she fobbed you off. That wasn’t a great time to ask.

That being said I do think that you should very soon ask for time with her. First thing would be a system for petty cash. It could be as simple as an envelope next to the change jar for receipts. Or a dedicated envelope with some seed money in it that you can just access. One thing to be aware of is that it’s very likely that she sets this up then forgets to replenish. So you’ll have to keep an eye on that.

Another system may be that you provide receipts and she adds anything owed to your paycheck (taxed appropriately).

Sierra26 · 13/06/2023 19:17

I believe you OP and appreciate how annoying this is. It’s such a small amount to her she can’t understand hahah you’re bothering with it. Totally not okay.

Very obvious solution is “you said you had no change but there’s plenty in the change jar, shall I just take it from there before we forget? Don’t want to bug you by keeping on asking!”

keep it lighthearted. 99% likelihood she’ll say yes sure. If she doesn’t, she’d need to be coming up with a damn weird excuse

Kiwano · 13/06/2023 19:18

Tell her that she clearly does have enough change and ask her why you should be out of pocket. Also tell her that in view of the delay there has been, you will no longer be paying out for anything on her behalf without the money up front. If that means she gets parking tickets, so be it.

And start looking for another job.

Hollyppp · 13/06/2023 19:22

HomeB · 12/06/2023 12:07

"Susan, you've still not paid me for the ringo this week or the milk last week. I paid for your bus fare last month and cleaning stuff the month before. In total you owe me £30 and I need it, is there enough in the change jar and if so, can I take what I'm owed from there?"

She can get grumpy, just stand there until your money appears!

This

wentworthinmate · 13/06/2023 19:24

I think your pay per hour seems quite low for your position. Anyway…

Angrywife · 13/06/2023 19:36

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:02

I've put it back. I felt horrible about taking it but I'm just so fed up of her letting me pay for "little" things that quickly start to add up. I reckon I'm about £30 down over this year alone and i don't know what to do about it.

If I'm firm, she gets upset and angry. If i ask for it, i don't get it back. I just don't know what else to do. I love the job otherwise but I'm fed up of payment for things for someone who has (genuinely) millions in the bank.

Stop paying for things.
Say you had to change your card and have forgotten to out your new one on your phone.

SchoolShenanigans · 13/06/2023 19:39

Not sure why so many people are exclaiming "it's theft!".

In that case, she stole from you too! She borrowed money that she isn't returning.

YANBU.

DreamTheMoors · 13/06/2023 19:45

Every wealthy person I’ve ever known has also been the most miserly, penny-pinching, cheap, never-pay-their-way git I’ve ever seen.
I suppose that’s why they’re wealthy.

I wonder if she would’ve let you go if you had continued to pester her over the £4.

I see your logic taking the money, but you should just casually mention it to her “Oh - I grabbed the 4 pounds you owed me out the change jar.” in passing.

Sid077 · 13/06/2023 19:46

Agree with others stop paying for things even if she does pay the balance she owes you, don’t put yourself in that position again.

If she asks why you can be honest and say I have awful trouble being reimbursed. If you worked in an office there would be no expectation that you would pay for anything without a method of recouping the expense. If she gets a parking fine that’s her problem!

best of luck.

CremeEgg1983 · 13/06/2023 19:50

SchoolShenanigans · 13/06/2023 19:39

Not sure why so many people are exclaiming "it's theft!".

In that case, she stole from you too! She borrowed money that she isn't returning.

YANBU.

Which makes that a debt and not theft. The legal ways to recover debt is by agreement or by enforcement through the court. A person can't just take it when they feel like it.

If a person decides to take what they owe without permission then it becomes theft as per the definition I posted earlier.

croydon15 · 13/06/2023 19:52

Did she know it was your child birthday, in which case she should have reimbursed you and any decent employer would have given you a little extra considering how little she is paying you. If you can look for another job

Blablablanamechangagain · 13/06/2023 19:52

saltinesandcoffeecups · 13/06/2023 18:52

If you’re asking her when she’s busy with the vet, yeah I can see why she fobbed you off. That wasn’t a great time to ask.

That being said I do think that you should very soon ask for time with her. First thing would be a system for petty cash. It could be as simple as an envelope next to the change jar for receipts. Or a dedicated envelope with some seed money in it that you can just access. One thing to be aware of is that it’s very likely that she sets this up then forgets to replenish. So you’ll have to keep an eye on that.

Another system may be that you provide receipts and she adds anything owed to your paycheck (taxed appropriately).

Give over. You don't get taxed on expenses ffs

OP, you just need to NOT pay. Every time. Say no.
No is a complete sentence.

Original poster
Housekeeperbatcocoa · 13/06/2023 19:55

saltinesandcoffeecups · 13/06/2023 18:52

If you’re asking her when she’s busy with the vet, yeah I can see why she fobbed you off. That wasn’t a great time to ask.

That being said I do think that you should very soon ask for time with her. First thing would be a system for petty cash. It could be as simple as an envelope next to the change jar for receipts. Or a dedicated envelope with some seed money in it that you can just access. One thing to be aware of is that it’s very likely that she sets this up then forgets to replenish. So you’ll have to keep an eye on that.

Another system may be that you provide receipts and she adds anything owed to your paycheck (taxed appropriately).

She wasn't busy with anything the first times i asked.

I'm back in tomorrow. Steeling myself for an honest chat with her.

OP posts:
Mongoosesorry · 13/06/2023 19:55

I worked for a corporate company and a young trainee was shamed for making an expenses claim for around £5.00. He was told I front of his colleagues in a meeting ‘it’s only a fiver’.

It really fucked me off and I said to the people in the meeting ‘it’s only a fiver so I’m sure payroll at corporate company will have no issue paying it’.

People forget £5.00 is sometimes crucial to someone’s finances.

In the future don’t be in a position to pay. Oh no Sue I don’t have my card on my phone anymore. We will have to go home.

changeme4this · 13/06/2023 19:59

Invoice her.

SprinkleRainbow · 13/06/2023 20:13

OP are you self employed or are you directly employed?
If your self employed then increase your costs, the truth is this lady probably doesn't want the hassle of finding someone else snf getting them established and she's comfortable with you. She is getting a steal of a deal at your hourly rate, most people in cleaning roles (without the additional extra companion, errands etc) would be on a minimum of £15, but since cost of living many have gone up to £16-£18.
There's a lot of trust involved in this kind of role so it isn't right to take what's owed although I understand your frustration. Ask about her getting some kind of card (even a go Henry card to put money on for just these things) or stopping at a cash point with her on your travels to withdraw the relevant cash.

londonrach · 13/06/2023 20:15

Yabu. You can't just taken money. You ask. You could be in serious trouble here.

Justalittlebitduckling · 13/06/2023 20:20

You didn’t steal it; you left a note. If she isn’t happy about it she can fire you, but I doubt she find someone else easily.

Original poster
Housekeeperbatcocoa · 13/06/2023 20:21

I'm paid cash at the end of every week.

What I'm going to do is save any receipts and give them to her when i get paid, asking for thr total. Probably the most simple and straightforward way and I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it before!

OP posts:
Original poster
Housekeeperbatcocoa · 13/06/2023 20:21

londonrach · 13/06/2023 20:15

Yabu. You can't just taken money. You ask. You could be in serious trouble here.

Please read all of my posts.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 13/06/2023 20:22

Give her a note at least with the added expenses and get a raise!

Conkersinautumn · 13/06/2023 20:22

Ok. You're working in her house, yes these are expenses that she has not refunded
But you are in a position of trust and effectively she could be seen as vulnerable by dint of her age.

You need to protect your (frustrated) self from an accusation of theft or financial abuse.

You need a system of out of pocket expenses bring reimbursed and her signing for these incidences and you providing receipts etc.

Conkersinautumn · 13/06/2023 20:23

I think effectively an invoice for these past occurrences snd then agree a new process going forward. Good luck!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 13/06/2023 20:41

I worked as a waitress just after covid as i had lost my proper job....i used to get a text in the morning from one of the chefs asking if id nip into Tesco on my way in to pick up something that was needed at work...I did it once and was not reimbursed so ignored all the other texts and just used to say 'oh sorry my phone was in the bottom of my bag'....you have to be a bit crafty with people like this.
I was on minimum wage so no way am i buying stuff for work and not getting paid back.