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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

279 replies

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 11:45

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

OP posts:
MRSDoos · 12/06/2023 12:10

You were wrong to take the money out of the change jar (just seen you’ve put it back) but I understand how frustrating it is for you. Also so frustrating that she has a change jar and still won’t give you your £4!
I had this with a work colleague and in the end said no without having money upfront. He earned more than me and wasn’t strapped for cash by any means but would always ask me to grab him something on my lunch break at least once a week or ask to borrow £5 here and there because he forgot his wallet. At first I didn’t mind, £3 for something at lunch didn’t bother me until it became regular and he never paid me back despite me starting to ask for it.

In the end I just said no or said I don’t have cash or card on me. I would start doing that, say sorry I can’t pay I haven’t got any money on me. I would probably also message her or speak to her and explain that you need the money.

I’m not speaking for all more wealthy people because it’s not universal but I do think some people who have a lot of money think £5 is nothing and think we’re petty when we ask for our money back. I think this is why she is short with you, she probably thinks £4 for parking is nothing and you should let it go but like you say to most people it’s half a hours pay

LillyoftheMountain · 12/06/2023 12:11

She’s taking the piss out of you because she knows she can get away with it. Your job is safe because she won’t find anyone else who will put up with her shit.

Instead of asking tell her to pay back what she owes you tell her you are taking the money from the change jar. If she has a problem with it then she can decide if she wants to continue employing you.

You won’t be the first person she has tried this with.

Fairyliz · 12/06/2023 12:13

SunnySaturdayMorning · 12/06/2023 11:53

Irrelevant. You have stolen from her and she would be well within her rights to stop using you.

Show quote history

If I was the op I would stop working for her. I’m sure the op will easily find another job on £11 per hour.
I would imagine the old lady will find it harder to get a replacement who will subsides her lifestyle.

Sparklfairy · 12/06/2023 12:14

I know others have said it but why didn't you point out the change jar when she said she 'didn't have change'??

hattie43 · 12/06/2023 12:14

That's bad . I'd fire you if I was her . Yes she should have paid but £4 to her is such an inconsequential sum it wouldn't have registered as important . You were very wrong to help yourself no matter the situation

TeeBee · 12/06/2023 12:15

Do you invoice her monthly? Can you add it to your invoice?

notokaywiththetropes · 12/06/2023 12:16

It's not theft, ffs, what rot! Lady owed OP 4 quid, OP got 4 quid of ladies money.

The crime here is the baggage who has all the money and wouldn't pony up the owed 4 quid to the woman who has none.

theft? My arse!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/06/2023 12:17

You should have said “oh X, I’ve seen there’s £4 in the change jar. Can I just take it from there, as that solves all the problems you’ve mentioned.”

I wouldn’t pay for anything for her again though

CheshireCat1 · 12/06/2023 12:20

Don’t take your purse to work, she needs to pay for her own stuff.

Dixiechickonhols · 12/06/2023 12:20

I wouldn’t put yourself in position where you could be accused of theft. It used to be crown court only for theft from employer - I recall a case where a young lad had stolen a burger and magistrates couldn’t deal.
I’d request a float or refuse to pay anything out of pocket eg parking machine broken you go home.

FOJN · 12/06/2023 12:20

hattie43 · 12/06/2023 12:14

That's bad . I'd fire you if I was her . Yes she should have paid but £4 to her is such an inconsequential sum it wouldn't have registered as important . You were very wrong to help yourself no matter the situation

Gosh if the sum is inconsequential to rich people then poor people should be too ashamed of actually needing £4 to ask for it?

In OP's shoes I'd sack the employer and find another job. OP also needs to put her rates up, £11 an hour is quite low for a housekeeper. £15 is the going rate in many parts of the country.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/06/2023 12:21

Besides leaving a note in the jar, I’d tell her. ‘I’m sorry, but I really do need that money and I’ve asked you several times to no avail.’

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 12/06/2023 12:21

"Oh sorry I didn't bring my purse with me to work today, you'll have to pay,"

Rinse and repeat. You shouldn't of took it though, glad you put it back x

Thedogscollar · 12/06/2023 12:23

hattie43 · 12/06/2023 12:14

That's bad . I'd fire you if I was her . Yes she should have paid but £4 to her is such an inconsequential sum it wouldn't have registered as important . You were very wrong to help yourself no matter the situation

Oh get off your high horse fgs.
As you say 4 quid is inconsequential to the millionaire but not the OP on £11 an hour.

If anyone is the thief here it isn't @Housekeeperbatcocoa
I'd be looking for another job you could earn more cleaning or in Aldi.
She's rich for a reason as doesn't pay her debts.

Tootyfilou · 12/06/2023 12:23

What a hideous woman she is. Be direct, and tell her you are taking the money from the change jar. Please look for another job! She is never going to change her entitled attitude and she is paying you a pittance.

ChateauMargaux · 12/06/2023 12:23

This sounds like a really disrespectful relationship. I am sorry you are being treated in this way.

Is it worth carrying on this job?
If yes.. then think about how to move forward.. either you stop paying for anything else and always say.. I am sorry Joan, but I simply cannot afford to pay these things for you and not get reimbursed. If she gets angry.. there is a chance it will all blow up. But you are in the right and she is wrong.

Could you itemise the amounts she has failed to reimburse and hand it to her at the start of the next time you are there and say, you have this in your change jar and you also manage to pay me every week, you are choosing to put me in this difficult position. Please pay me what you owe.

If she refuses, then consider whether you say that you can no longer work for her if there is no mutual respect.

ToneDeath · 12/06/2023 12:26

I think I'm the first to point this out (a MN first for me on a trending thread!) but... If you describe the ticket machine as broken, then surely it was attempted (or an attempt was feigned by your boss) and so, we have to assume she had the cash there and then. Which underlines our suspicions that she's a bit of a cheeky fuck.

LilyLemonade · 12/06/2023 12:26

You cannot take the money from the jar but it’s scandalous that she treats you that way. You will need to be quite firm and direct; or just leave the job making it very clear why.

StrongTea · 12/06/2023 12:27

If the change jar is like a petty cash tin fair enough to take it. If not suggest getting a float/petty cash sorted out. You shouldn’t be out of pocket.

Gymmum82 · 12/06/2023 12:28

I would just go to her with the change jar and tell her ‘I’m taking the £4 you owe me out of here ok’
Then there’s no argument or excuses and in future do not pay for a single thing ever.
Just say oh my app isn’t working. I’ve got no money. I haven’t got my card and I’ve taken it off my Apple pay/google pay. Repeat every time and refuse point blank to pay for anything

Swansandcustard · 12/06/2023 12:28

Quit, what an entitled parsimonious old bitch.

Clymene · 12/06/2023 12:28

If anyone is a thief it's her

itsmylife7 · 12/06/2023 12:29

Either get a new job or leave your bank card at home. She's taking advantage and £11 an hour for a housekeeper is too cheap.

tothelefttotheleft · 12/06/2023 12:29

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:02

I've put it back. I felt horrible about taking it but I'm just so fed up of her letting me pay for "little" things that quickly start to add up. I reckon I'm about £30 down over this year alone and i don't know what to do about it.

If I'm firm, she gets upset and angry. If i ask for it, i don't get it back. I just don't know what else to do. I love the job otherwise but I'm fed up of payment for things for someone who has (genuinely) millions in the bank.

You have to stop paying for their stuff.

I would also be writing a list and billing her for what they owe me to this point.

Scalessayeek · 12/06/2023 12:30

Tell her you can’t afford to keep paying for little things so she either needs to have money on her or you need a petty cash type of situation in her house for the times you have to spend money on her behalf.