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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

279 replies

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 11:45

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

OP posts:
continentallentil · 12/06/2023 13:10

ShippingForecastMeditator · 12/06/2023 12:58

When you're working in a professional capacity all transactions, financial or otherwise, should be dealt with professionally. You should have invoiced her for the money with receipt attached (if you're self-employed) or checked it was added to your next payslip (if employed) before resorting to taking it.

Her wealth is irrelevant. Sadly if you behave unprofessionally she will treat you accordingly.

Or 3) you use the petty cash, and leave a receipt, which is also perfectly normal.

The drama on this thread..

KissyMissy · 12/06/2023 13:10

Screwballs · 12/06/2023 13:03

I hope that £4 was worth losing the job for.

She put it back

FOJN · 12/06/2023 13:12

Screwballs · 12/06/2023 13:03

I hope that £4 was worth losing the job for.

I wonder if you'd ask the employer if £4 was worth losing a housekeeper over.

Eddielizzard · 12/06/2023 13:13

Wow she isn't paying you enough, and getting you to fund all these extras is outrageous! You shouldn't have to ferry her around in your car either. I think some clear boundaries would be good, and I'd also start looking around for another job. Even if you can just say the wage is too low to be able to survive to give her the option of increasing yours.

Anyone who is so wealthy should be paying staff properly. There are more generous employers out there.

CaloundraBlues · 12/06/2023 13:13

Screwballs · 12/06/2023 13:03

I hope that £4 was worth losing the job for.

Don't be an arsehole

Salome61 · 12/06/2023 13:16

I'm very sorry this has happened to you, I think this rich bored old woman is playing a horribly childish game with you.

I'm sure someone else would appreciate you more, without torturing you.

LillyoftheMountain · 12/06/2023 13:16

If she had money, she wouldn't be shopping in Next

😂😂😂

I love hearing what a poor person’s idea of a rich person is.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/06/2023 13:17

I would give her a written list of items that you've paid for, and dates if possible, with a total of what she owes you. I would also state in writing that you will not be able to cover any additional expenses for her until the debts have been settled.

Quveas · 12/06/2023 13:18

FOJN · 12/06/2023 12:06

Do you have the receipts for the items you've paid for? I would take copies of all of them and then bundle them up and submit an invoice to her. I would point out that £30 is nearly 3 hours pay.

In future you will conveniently find yourself without cash and any app you may rely on is playing up so you can't pay.

I think when she said she had no change you could have said there was plenty in the change jar and could you take it from that and leave the ticket as a receipt.

This^

I have a CF neighbour who regularly does the rounds of the street needing £40 for the gas / electricity. They can aford non-stop smoking and drinking but can't afford fuel? I doubt it is true, but every time they come to me I simply say that I keep no cash, full stop. Not "no" because then they (CF) argue about it or make pleas. I have no cash so there is no point asking again. It has the benfit of sometimes even being true - these days I can run out of cash and it takes several weeks to go to the ATM because who needs cash in the post-pandemic world? That was a rhetorical question by the way, because I know the answer!

lechatnoir · 12/06/2023 13:19

i have lots of rich friends are 99% wouldn’t dream of treating someone this way but I’d say 1% are cheeky fuckers and another 1% totally out of touch with the real world and it just wouldn’t cross their mind to be bothered about a few pounds. My son did some work for one friend and it was only after weeks of him chasing that I was very blunt & demanded she pay him that she coughed up the agreed £20. Her ds similar age gets a £250pm allowance plus whatever else he needs and it just didn’t cross her mind that by not paying him, he had to cancel his plans that weekend.

id be asking for a petty cash pot and agree to keep a book/receipts but explain in no uncertain terms what you have left after paying bills and why you can’t afford the odd £4 or £5 here and 5ere.

Strawberrycocktail · 12/06/2023 13:21

Remind her quite assertively that she hasn’t paid you back for X,Y,Z and when she says she doesn't have chsnge remind her about the change jar. If there isn’t enough to cover all the outstanding payments let get know you csn’t afford to go without it and can she organise the refund for tomorrow or a deadline very soon so urgency is stressed and she doesn’t have time to conveniently forget again. And never pay for stuff again. If she doesn’t have the means to pay herself the trip is cancelled/shopping not bought/ tradesman not paid etc. You don ‘t have any spare cash (or if she notices you do you say you need it later for x,y,z). Your app isn’t working on your phone or battery had gone flat etc etc. Don’t worry if she thinks you are lying, she should get the message that her meanness means no favours from now on.

MumblesParty · 12/06/2023 13:21

I know you’ve put the money back OP, but I wouldn’t see it as theft.

OP gave the woman £4 by paying for her parking. Woman gave OP £4 by OP taking it from the change jar. How is that stealing?

But as others have said OP, I would just say “I’m taking that £4 from the change jar OK”, and just do it.

ODFODPurlease · 12/06/2023 13:24

SunnySaturdayMorning · 12/06/2023 12:04

You’re not firm though, because you’re giving in and paying. She knows by being upset and angry you’ll just give in and she’ll get away with her behaviour.

Don’t.

100% THIS.

diddl · 12/06/2023 13:24

Presumably it's part of your job to take her to the park?

Why didn't she go to the ticket machine or pay by RingGo?

CremeEgg1983 · 12/06/2023 13:25

notokaywiththetropes · 12/06/2023 12:16

It's not theft, ffs, what rot! Lady owed OP 4 quid, OP got 4 quid of ladies money.

The crime here is the baggage who has all the money and wouldn't pony up the owed 4 quid to the woman who has none.

theft? My arse!

It would be considered theft. The fact she is owed money does not matter.

That would be like you owing money on a loan at £100 a month and the bank decides to take £500 because you owe it them anyway.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/06/2023 13:26

I would also explain to her, nicely, that your job with her is the main source of income that you have to support your family, and that you can't afford to absorb these additional costs. £4 might be small change to her but it is significant for you and she absolutely needs to respect that.

OhComeOnFFS · 12/06/2023 13:27

Were you using your own car and petrol to drive her around?

starfishmummy · 12/06/2023 13:29

@Housekeeperbatcocoa out of interest whose car and petrol were you using??

starfishmummy · 12/06/2023 13:30

Oops crossed with Ohcomeon

Themermaidspool · 12/06/2023 13:35

Youve already had good advice but just to pile on - you should be charging 15 quid an hour min.

LadyLapsang · 12/06/2023 13:38

Is she disabled or does she have health problems?

Willmafrockfit · 12/06/2023 13:39

i would say to her,
i think i will take the £4 from the change jar?
or something.

Adifferentheadspace · 12/06/2023 13:41

List everything you are owed on a formal invoice and present it to her for payment. You could always add that you decided to collate anything owed on to one invoice to make things more straightforward - would she prefer to do this going forward for future expenses or would she rather settle them individually as and when?

Willmafrockfit · 12/06/2023 13:41

how does she pay you normally if she didnt have change for the £4?

frockhopper · 12/06/2023 13:42

Good thing you put it back (as I think she’d have probably let you go over it). £30 is awful but I just cannot fathom why you’d keep saying yes to small bits here and there when you know the history.