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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken the money I'm owed at work?

279 replies

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 11:45

Per my username, I'm a part time housekeeper in a private house for an older lady. I'm in my mid 20s, she's in her 60s. She is very well off and wants for nothing. (Example - she spent almost £300 on clothes in Next without blinking)

Last Wed, she asked me to take her to the park. The ticket machine for parking was broken so i paid through RingGo. It cost £4. (I'm paid £11/hr for context)

I told her how much it had cost and she said she'd give me it when we got back to the house. Reminded her when we got back and she made an excuse of having no change. I was late for the school run so had to dash off so didn't get it on the Wed. I asked again on the Thur and she made a excuse again and got a bit short with me so I left it.

Today I asked again and was again fobbed off. I know four quid isn't a lot in isolation, but it's nearly half an hour's wage so feels a lot. I'm a single parent and money is often a bit tight. I took the money from the change jar and left a note as a reciept.

I feel bloody guilty though and like i should just let it go but it's my youngest's birthday this weekend, I'm tight on money and she did honestly owe it to me.

Wibu?

OP posts:
HomeB · 12/06/2023 12:30

"Oh sorry I didn't bring my purse with me to work today, you'll have to pay,"

😆 you don't pay for ringo using a purse or cash. The OP did it on her phone.

ToneDeath · 12/06/2023 12:30

Thedogscollar · 12/06/2023 12:23

Oh get off your high horse fgs.
As you say 4 quid is inconsequential to the millionaire but not the OP on £11 an hour.

If anyone is the thief here it isn't @Housekeeperbatcocoa
I'd be looking for another job you could earn more cleaning or in Aldi.
She's rich for a reason as doesn't pay her debts.

Show quote history

I have to agree with DogsCollar too. £4 is inconsequential to some. I probably have more than that is abandoned 5ps across my handbags. It still doesn't make it inconsequential to OP. It also might not be inconsequential to someone with millions in the bank. It also might be inconsequential to someone poorer than OP.

OP isn't really being treated fairly and that would be the case whether it is £4 or £40. I think she deserves better and should find a better employer, if she can.

ilovelamp82 · 12/06/2023 12:31

Don't pay for stuff. Say you don't have your wallet. Or say "I can't pay for that this time, remember how you still owe me for..." etc

Yoyooo · 12/06/2023 12:32

Ask her to have a petty change jar for these occasions

Ladderback · 12/06/2023 12:32

Has the £30 accumulated by you buying cleaning supplies that she's run out of? That's so mean of her because she knows you can't clean properly without them. I know this type of wealthy person, they deliberately act like you are petty and bothering them by asking for money you are owed so they can get away without paying. I have a neighbour like this, he keeps his gates locked so tradesmen can't come to the door looking for money he owes them as he 'didn't have his wallet' at the time.

I can't see that she's going to reform. You could try saying you will need to leave if she doesn't fix up in future as you can't afford to keep paying these expenses.

BusMumsHoliday · 12/06/2023 12:33

Can you ask her directly if you can take it from the change jar when you next see her?

I would also ask if she could set up a petty cash tin/envelope that you could take from and leave receipts. I've done this with cleaners and nannies before - it's really normal.

Also, I'm not sure where you are but £11 an hour is quite cheap for cleaning and housekeeping where I am in the South East. Could you put rates up and get a better client?

Iwantcakeeveryday · 12/06/2023 12:33

I think the suggestion of a petty cash float is a good one and you could put that to her as you ask for the £4 and mention that you're actually put of pocket very often. That's if you want to keep this job, because it isn;t easy to find them and perhaps that's not an option to go get another. It is so awful when people in her position do this to those with so much less than them.

ShimmeringShirts · 12/06/2023 12:33

I was with you until you’ve said you’ve effectively stolen from her. I know it’s frustrating (and I know £4 is a lot when you’re on your knees too!), but taking it without her having gave you it can cost you your job. Is there any way you can replace it and remove the note? I’d start looking for somewhere else if I were you though before you end up hundreds down in little payments here and there.

Codlingmoths · 12/06/2023 12:34

Add it up, explain to her it’s 3 hours pay, and say if I can’t get it this week I will take 3 hours off next Friday to earn it back in lieu. In the future I won’t be able to pay for anything, no matter how small. I don’t think you understand what a difference a few pounds makes to me, and I won’t be put in a position where I’m short again. There is plenty in your change jar so I feel very disrespected when you tell me you have no change (assuming it’s reasonable that you know there is money in the change jar.)

RosesAndHellebores · 12/06/2023 12:34

Can't believe what I'm reading.

If she had money, she wouldn't be shopping in Next.
In London and the Home Counties cleaners are on c£15ph
She owed you £4 that you laid out for her, a note in the change jar to say you had taken it is fair enough. It is not theft.

In the short term, stop taking your purse/card to work with you - ah but I bet she pays you cash and you are spending her cash. Next time say "I have to pay x on the way home, I can't"

In the long term get yourself a better job. I'd pay you £16 ph in Surrey.

I'm in my 60s, I can use Ringo. Why TF can't your employer.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/06/2023 12:35

Stop buying things and start looking for another job. She's being a cheeky fucker treating you like this.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 12/06/2023 12:36

Is that not exactly what the change jar is for though?

When I had a regular babysitter/nanny I left a change jar out specifically for bits and pieces like parking/the odd icecream etc.

Original poster
Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:37

Thanks everyone.

I lost my partner about this time last year and was out of work for bit while i got my life back together. I'm still a bit fragile mentally so have been avoiding any conflict.

I know the wage is low but I'm kinda stuck - childcare is expensive in my area and i can't do my old job because i just can't make it work around the school times (no breakfast or after school clubs, and my parents aren't close enough to help). This fits nicely in with school so i need to make it work.

OP posts:
Littlewhitecat · 12/06/2023 12:38

If this is a regular thing can you have a broader chat with her about seeing up a process to deal with your expenses? You could even provide her with a template (there's loads on Google) That way you can then say "here's my expenses claim for this month" and submit your receipts for the £30 of stuff in one go. And do the same every month/week going forward

ToWonderWhyIBother · 12/06/2023 12:38

How does she pay you? Just let her know that she needs to pay your expenses and work it out for her, list them and she should pay you for what your outlay is for her.

Original poster
Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:40

RosesAndHellebores · 12/06/2023 12:34

Can't believe what I'm reading.

If she had money, she wouldn't be shopping in Next.
In London and the Home Counties cleaners are on c£15ph
She owed you £4 that you laid out for her, a note in the change jar to say you had taken it is fair enough. It is not theft.

In the short term, stop taking your purse/card to work with you - ah but I bet she pays you cash and you are spending her cash. Next time say "I have to pay x on the way home, I can't"

In the long term get yourself a better job. I'd pay you £16 ph in Surrey.

I'm in my 60s, I can use Ringo. Why TF can't your employer.

We don't live in the south. Or even England. Not everyone is London based!

She likes Next. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She lives on a 300ac estate with a massive house, owns and breeds horses, and has a brand new BMW in the garage that she paid for in cash.

OP posts:
skyfalldown · 12/06/2023 12:40

the only thief here is the rotten old bag who commits wage theft regularly

Spreadbed · 12/06/2023 12:41

Ask her for it when you’re in view of the change jar.

In future, do not take any money with you when you go out with her.

FOJN · 12/06/2023 12:41

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:37

Thanks everyone.

I lost my partner about this time last year and was out of work for bit while i got my life back together. I'm still a bit fragile mentally so have been avoiding any conflict.

I know the wage is low but I'm kinda stuck - childcare is expensive in my area and i can't do my old job because i just can't make it work around the school times (no breakfast or after school clubs, and my parents aren't close enough to help). This fits nicely in with school so i need to make it work.

You advertise yourself, the hours you can work and the rates you charge. I bet you will be able to pick and choose who you work for. Know your worth and your employ will too.

towriteyoumustlive · 12/06/2023 12:41

You perhaps need to be a little more assertive with her?

e.g. next time, say "Oh, you still owe me the £4 for parking and I've got bills due shortly. Do you have the cash now or shall I take it from the space change jar?".

Then next time she wants something paying, just say "I'm afraid I don't have any spare cash in my account".

Some people who are wealthy are sometimes oblivious to know what it's like to have to check your account before you spend.

Iwantcakeeveryday · 12/06/2023 12:41

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 12/06/2023 12:37

Thanks everyone.

I lost my partner about this time last year and was out of work for bit while i got my life back together. I'm still a bit fragile mentally so have been avoiding any conflict.

I know the wage is low but I'm kinda stuck - childcare is expensive in my area and i can't do my old job because i just can't make it work around the school times (no breakfast or after school clubs, and my parents aren't close enough to help). This fits nicely in with school so i need to make it work.

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you are struggling, you do not need this problem on top of what you are already dealing with. I hope you have some support and someone to talk to. Perhaps look around to see if there is any other cleaning work because you never know, you may find something that gives you a decent hourly rate, which that is not.

PenelopeTitsDrop3121 · 12/06/2023 12:42

Be totally honest and tell her if you're both going out,you need ticket money etc up front as you're struggling.

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 12/06/2023 12:42

Technically it was very much theft. I see that you've put it back and I'm glad, because if this job suits then it's not worth losing.

I missed who was driving, if it was you, she needs to pay for petrol as well as parking and time.

I don't suppose you have a contract? If you do it needs updating to outline that, with the extra activities, then you are working more as personal assistant (carer) and costs need discussing.

I worked for a lady as her personal assistant - cleaning, dog walking, general household duties. All of a sudden I'm collecting items she's bid on on eBay, picking her up from wherever, taking her to the hospital...

I had to have words. I charged her the going rate according to law for petrol etc and extra time. She wasn't happy, so I left.

I do miss the dog though!

PoshHorseyBird · 12/06/2023 12:44

Maybe just say to her "oh gladys I'm just going to take that £4 you owe me out your change pot ok?" She may get grumpy but I don't see how she can, she owes it to you! Also if I were you I'd look for another job, housekeeping/cleaning etc is hard work! £11 an hour? Shes taking the piss. Are you actually employed by her, so you get holiday pay, pension etc? If your self employed you'd be better off working for yourself and setting your own prices.

Thedogscollar · 12/06/2023 12:46

@Housekeeperbatcocoa
Have you thought about starting up your own cleaning business? Put a card in the local shop and advertise yourself in FB and any local monthly magazines.
You could easily charge £15 per hour, be your own boss on your terms so would be able to work around school hours.
You sound like a lovely person who has been through a very tough time but don't let her mug you off.