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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband annoyed after my trip to Ibiza…

142 replies

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:33

I’m trying to work out if I’m in the wrong here or my husband. I went on a weekend trip to Ibiza with my sister. On the last night I sent a video to my husband of planes flying over the club to show our son. He messaged back saying “who’s that in the background” it was a guy asking if I had got the video as I had spent ages trying to get one. I explained we had met a stag party the day before, who happened to be on the same flight as us. They were also at the same club that day. He then ignored all messages from me and deleted me from Instagram after I posed a picture.

When he eventually got back to me, he said he had been busy looking after our kids while I was out partying with stags. I’ve tried to explain that it was completely Innocent, we obviously didn’t arrange to meet these guys there but why would we ignore them when we bumped into them. For what it’s worth, they were so respectful and obviously nothing happened. We just chatted for a bit and had a few drinks while listening to the music.

My husband is still very annoyed and acting off with me (but saying he’s fine). It’s making me feel terrible and like I have done something wrong. My sister thinks I shouldn’t have said anything at all to him but I didn’t see the need to lie.

I would like to add that he works in nightclubs so spends a lot of days/nights out and drinking and socialising. Im sure if he said he was hanging out with a hen party I might feel worried but I would just ask him , not give him the silent treatment. Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 11:35

He's trying to make you feel guilty so you don't go away and leave him with the children again.

Ignore him.

1987qwerty · 12/06/2023 11:36

How old is he? 15?

PleasantOwl · 12/06/2023 11:41

You are allowed to speak to men. You’re not being unreasonable.

DH was away this weekend for a night out in a different city. He told me they got chatting to a hen doo on the train, who shared some cans of cocktail with them. There’s no issue whatsoever.

Bananalanacake · 12/06/2023 11:44

Has he been controlling before or is this the first time.

Original poster
Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:55

1987qwerty · 12/06/2023 11:36

How old is he? 15?

This made me chuckle. He’s 46!!

OP posts:
Seas164 · 12/06/2023 11:59

This tactic is to make sure that next time you have the opportunity to go on a weekend away, you decide against it as it's not worth the aggro when you get back.

Make sure it doesn't work.

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 12/06/2023 12:02

To be fair , if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be the same . But that’s me.
As innocent as it is. I am the same.

< gets hard hat and legs it>

GCalltheway · 12/06/2023 12:03

Leave him to it - what an immature response.

Nordicrain · 12/06/2023 12:04

I think my husband would have asked too. He's a bit jealous and you can't help how you feel. But I would have been cross if he kept sulking about it, and called him out on it. That's ridiculous behaviour.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/06/2023 12:04

Sex swap this and I can easily imagine a wife writing the other end asking if her DH has cheated.

LillyoftheMountain · 12/06/2023 12:05

I just keep thinking of the carnage that would follow if a husband met a hen party on the flight, and the hen just happened to be at the same club and in a video he sent to his wife 😂

GCalltheway · 12/06/2023 12:06

I would have to say that this pathetic the world is full of men - just because there happens to be a few celebrating a stag it doesn’t mean you are going to run off with one! He either trusts you or he doesn’t?

Spritetype · 12/06/2023 12:07

ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/06/2023 12:04

Sex swap this and I can easily imagine a wife writing the other end asking if her DH has cheated.

If the shoe was on the other foot you know the responses would be savage.

OP of course you haven't done anything wrong, he will get over it I'm sure.

Saschka · 12/06/2023 12:12

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:55

This made me chuckle. He’s 46!!

Show quote history

Are you a lot younger? I only ask because not many 46 year old women go clubbing in Ibiza (I know some do!), and I’d expect a stag do to be mostly younger men too, given the average age of first marriages.

If your DH is 46, and you are younger and off clubbing in Ibiza with men your own age, I suspect that is what the issue is. He needs to get over it, it is part and parcel of being with somebody much younger.

5128gap · 12/06/2023 12:12

As someone who works in clubs who will have seen for himself the typical behaviour of many men, he's struggling with the idea that a bunch of stags would be sitting making polite conversation with two women without an ulterior motive. Which tbf, is quite unusual. Because its outside of his experience he thinks you're hiding something from him. So in a nutshell, because he knows men often behave badly he is making you the victim of his insecurity. Not a lot you can do other than take your sisters advice and don't mention such things in future. You'll not change him.

AlligatorPsychopath · 12/06/2023 12:14

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 12/06/2023 12:02

To be fair , if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be the same . But that’s me.
As innocent as it is. I am the same.

< gets hard hat and legs it>

Then fucking stop being like that. Because it's controlling and messed up.

Original poster
Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:26

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 12/06/2023 12:02

To be fair , if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be the same . But that’s me.
As innocent as it is. I am the same.

< gets hard hat and legs it>

This is why I’m trying to be respectful of his feelings but I have also spent the last 16 years watching him go out to clubs and abroad for work. Knowing full well he loves a drink and a social. I choose to trust him because I can’t spend all my time being worried about what he’s getting up to. I just wish he did the same for me

OP posts:
Original poster
Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:27

Saschka · 12/06/2023 12:12

Are you a lot younger? I only ask because not many 46 year old women go clubbing in Ibiza (I know some do!), and I’d expect a stag do to be mostly younger men too, given the average age of first marriages.

If your DH is 46, and you are younger and off clubbing in Ibiza with men your own age, I suspect that is what the issue is. He needs to get over it, it is part and parcel of being with somebody much younger.

Show quote history

I’m 36

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 12/06/2023 12:29

His judging those men by his own standard and as such his mad at your for “entertaining” men like him when his on holiday.

Original poster
Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:30

Nordicrain · 12/06/2023 12:04

I think my husband would have asked too. He's a bit jealous and you can't help how you feel. But I would have been cross if he kept sulking about it, and called him out on it. That's ridiculous behaviour.

I would have asked too, and have done in the past. I just don’t like the way he is dealing with it by deleting me of Instagram and ignoring me

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 12:31

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:27

I’m 36

Show quote history

Ah, so he's older and insecure about his younger wife going out clubbing with other men.

He needs to get a fucking grip, though - especially as it's okay for him to go out to clubs!

FloydPepper · 12/06/2023 12:32

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 12/06/2023 12:02

To be fair , if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be the same . But that’s me.
As innocent as it is. I am the same.

< gets hard hat and legs it>

You’ll be fine. It’s your “gut feel” which is never wrong. Any partner of yours getting friendly with a hen do is clearly in the wrong.

brunettemic · 12/06/2023 12:34

He’s being a bit OTT but if this was the other way around with a hen party you’d have been advised to get a solicitor at least 3 times by now because he would definitely have had a threesome with the bride and her chief bridesmaid whilst also expecting his washing to be done on his return.

BodgerLovesMashedPotato · 12/06/2023 12:41

Crap, pressed YABU by mistake.
You are definitely not being unreasonable, he's being ridiculous.
What are you supposed to do, just not talk to people?!

BodgerLovesMashedPotato · 12/06/2023 12:42

brunettemic · 12/06/2023 12:34

He’s being a bit OTT but if this was the other way around with a hen party you’d have been advised to get a solicitor at least 3 times by now because he would definitely have had a threesome with the bride and her chief bridesmaid whilst also expecting his washing to be done on his return.

Ha, true 😁