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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband annoyed after my trip to Ibiza…

142 replies

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:33

I’m trying to work out if I’m in the wrong here or my husband. I went on a weekend trip to Ibiza with my sister. On the last night I sent a video to my husband of planes flying over the club to show our son. He messaged back saying “who’s that in the background” it was a guy asking if I had got the video as I had spent ages trying to get one. I explained we had met a stag party the day before, who happened to be on the same flight as us. They were also at the same club that day. He then ignored all messages from me and deleted me from Instagram after I posed a picture.

When he eventually got back to me, he said he had been busy looking after our kids while I was out partying with stags. I’ve tried to explain that it was completely Innocent, we obviously didn’t arrange to meet these guys there but why would we ignore them when we bumped into them. For what it’s worth, they were so respectful and obviously nothing happened. We just chatted for a bit and had a few drinks while listening to the music.

My husband is still very annoyed and acting off with me (but saying he’s fine). It’s making me feel terrible and like I have done something wrong. My sister thinks I shouldn’t have said anything at all to him but I didn’t see the need to lie.

I would like to add that he works in nightclubs so spends a lot of days/nights out and drinking and socialising. Im sure if he said he was hanging out with a hen party I might feel worried but I would just ask him , not give him the silent treatment. Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
RachaelN · 15/06/2023 06:28

I would be planning my next trip away on the flight back. He doesn't own you. So it's ok for him to socialise but not you. He needs to get a grip.

Purplepeaches123 · 15/06/2023 06:37

Urgh I can’t stand jelousy. I’m in my 50’s and married for nearly 30 years. I’ve had loads of girls weekends/holidays. We chat to everyone, men and women. I couldn’t bear if it I got the third degree when I got back. If he doesn’t trust you that’s a problem.

Purplepeaches123 · 15/06/2023 06:42

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:02

no, you shouldn’t be hanging out with random men while your in a relationship. You wouldn’t feel ok if it were the other way round would you? No. So don’t do it yourself and expect your husband to be ok with it.

Oh grow up 😂😂. So if you’re out socialising and a man talks to you what would you do? Say, sorry I can’t talk to you I’m married 🙄

Random789 · 15/06/2023 06:59

Fine for him to feel those little stabs of jealous anxiety but completely fucking unreasonable for him to take it out on you.

That's what makes me angry - the easy way in which so many men just dump their own difficult emotions onto women in their life instead of taking responsibility for them. And we suck it in, because we are in general so overtuned to others' feelings and so programmed to 'manage' them and blame ourselves for them

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 07:24

Tell him as he doesn’t like you socialising in clubs then he should stop as well.

How often is he out without you?

He sounds like a hypocrite.

Harls1969 · 15/06/2023 09:55

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:02

no, you shouldn’t be hanging out with random men while your in a relationship. You wouldn’t feel ok if it were the other way round would you? No. So don’t do it yourself and expect your husband to be ok with it.

Why not? So I can't hang around with random men, what about random lesbians? If my DH is out with mates is he strictly only allowed to talk to men?
If you are in a relationship where you trust each other (because neither of you is an arsehole and, let's face it, cheaters will cheat anyway) then you should be able to chat with anyone. Spending time with someone does not mean you're going to shag them.

Daisydu · 15/06/2023 13:38

Purplepeaches123 · 15/06/2023 06:42

Oh grow up 😂😂. So if you’re out socialising and a man talks to you what would you do? Say, sorry I can’t talk to you I’m married 🙄

Politely don’t engage in conversation. Simple.

Purplepeaches123 · 15/06/2023 13:42

Daisydu · 15/06/2023 13:38

Politely don’t engage in conversation. Simple.

Why, why would you be so rude! Do you not have conversations with women either?! Having a conversation with a man doesn’t lead to dropping your knickers for him!

I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so completely bonkers in my life. My husband works with women, he shares an office with a woman, most of the time it’s just the two of them. Imagine if I told him he was not allowed to talk to her 😂😂😂

ReachForTheMars · 15/06/2023 13:42

In your shoes I'd tell him I wont be with a jealous man and if he doesnt go back to being normal by tomorrow morning he can piss off and find a new relationship because I'm too old for nonsense like this.

Then you can expect him to wonder you up when he is away and oh what a healthy way to behave as an adult with kids.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 15/06/2023 13:56

I don't think I know a man who wouldn't react this way to be honest. Not saying he's right but it's a pretty normal reaction.

Nottodaysatan87 · 15/06/2023 20:38

Sorry I’ve not had a chance to respond to individual messages, it’s been a busy few days but I appreciate you all talking the time to reply 😊

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 15/06/2023 21:06

I think my husband would have asked too. He's a bit jealous and you can't help how you feel.

You can help what you say!

Politely don’t engage in conversation. Simple.

If you aren't allowed to engage in conversation with any man who's not your husband/partner, then you are in a controlling relationship. If you voluntarily choose not to engage in conversations with men who aren't your husband/partner because you think it's wrong, I don't know what you're in. The dark ages, probably.

Devora13 · 18/06/2023 07:47

Knowing the club culture, it always makes me wonder if people react like this because they're projecting their own (mis) behaviour.

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 10:47

Daisydu · 15/06/2023 13:38

Politely don’t engage in conversation. Simple.

@Daisydu

how ridiculous

and do you not engage in conversations with women either just in case they are gay or bisexual??

Daisydu · 25/06/2023 11:17

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 10:47

@Daisydu

how ridiculous

and do you not engage in conversations with women either just in case they are gay or bisexual??

Not really. There is a difference. For example my dp chatting to a mum at sports day.. completely acceptable. My dp chatting to a random woman while drinking on a night out.. nope.

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 11:36

Daisydu · 25/06/2023 11:17

Not really. There is a difference. For example my dp chatting to a mum at sports day.. completely acceptable. My dp chatting to a random woman while drinking on a night out.. nope.

@Daisydu

why?!

i couldn’t be in a relationship like that. Too stifling. I’ll talk to who I want when I want. And I’ve never been unfaithful in my life.

Daisydu · 25/06/2023 17:27

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 11:36

@Daisydu

why?!

i couldn’t be in a relationship like that. Too stifling. I’ll talk to who I want when I want. And I’ve never been unfaithful in my life.

Well I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone with the attitude “I’ll talk to whoever I want”. Each to thier own and all that.

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