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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband annoyed after my trip to Ibiza…

142 replies

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:33

I’m trying to work out if I’m in the wrong here or my husband. I went on a weekend trip to Ibiza with my sister. On the last night I sent a video to my husband of planes flying over the club to show our son. He messaged back saying “who’s that in the background” it was a guy asking if I had got the video as I had spent ages trying to get one. I explained we had met a stag party the day before, who happened to be on the same flight as us. They were also at the same club that day. He then ignored all messages from me and deleted me from Instagram after I posed a picture.

When he eventually got back to me, he said he had been busy looking after our kids while I was out partying with stags. I’ve tried to explain that it was completely Innocent, we obviously didn’t arrange to meet these guys there but why would we ignore them when we bumped into them. For what it’s worth, they were so respectful and obviously nothing happened. We just chatted for a bit and had a few drinks while listening to the music.

My husband is still very annoyed and acting off with me (but saying he’s fine). It’s making me feel terrible and like I have done something wrong. My sister thinks I shouldn’t have said anything at all to him but I didn’t see the need to lie.

I would like to add that he works in nightclubs so spends a lot of days/nights out and drinking and socialising. Im sure if he said he was hanging out with a hen party I might feel worried but I would just ask him , not give him the silent treatment. Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
zmq3Zm96uijcs2c · 12/06/2023 12:43

Jealousy is so unattractive and is, in my experience, often evidence of that person’s own infidelity. The accusation can be a confession.

FloydPepper · 12/06/2023 12:44

When does he get his holiday with mates to go clubbing? Does he get equal time away?

IsThePopeCatholic · 12/06/2023 12:45

He’s being a fool.

5128gap · 12/06/2023 12:47

brunettemic · 12/06/2023 12:34

He’s being a bit OTT but if this was the other way around with a hen party you’d have been advised to get a solicitor at least 3 times by now because he would definitely have had a threesome with the bride and her chief bridesmaid whilst also expecting his washing to be done on his return.

Well people advise from their own experience don't they? Most women know that when men tag onto hen do's it's not because they want to ask what colour the bridesmaids are wearing or have a turn holding the inflatable penis.

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:50

FloydPepper · 12/06/2023 12:44

When does he get his holiday with mates to go clubbing? Does he get equal time away?

He’s going away with his friends in a few weeks

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 12/06/2023 12:57

LillyoftheMountain · 12/06/2023 12:05

I just keep thinking of the carnage that would follow if a husband met a hen party on the flight, and the hen just happened to be at the same club and in a video he sent to his wife 😂

This!

EdinaCrump · 12/06/2023 12:58

He’s likely seen many times at work what he fears and this has caused his jealousy.

He won’t be able to change his jealousy - especially as you are 10 years his junior, so it’s up to you to make sure he doesn’t feel jealous. Or leave. Or don’t go on girly holidays without him. Or put up with it until he forgets about it.

YukoandHiro · 12/06/2023 12:59

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 11:35

He's trying to make you feel guilty so you don't go away and leave him with the children again.

Ignore him.

This.

Just pretend you haven't noticed his strop and carry on as usual.

SunflowerTed · 12/06/2023 13:00

Was there a tiny bit of you ‘getting your own back’ on him spending his life in nightclubs??????

userxx · 12/06/2023 13:00

I'd be furious with him. Can't stand insecure moody people, such a turn off.

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:02

no, you shouldn’t be hanging out with random men while your in a relationship. You wouldn’t feel ok if it were the other way round would you? No. So don’t do it yourself and expect your husband to be ok with it.

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 13:04

SunflowerTed · 12/06/2023 13:00

Was there a tiny bit of you ‘getting your own back’ on him spending his life in nightclubs??????

I also met a lovely group of girls as well as a lesbian and gay couple. I didn’t intentionally seek out a stag do to ‘get my own back’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
FloydPepper · 12/06/2023 13:06

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 12:50

He’s going away with his friends in a few weeks

I was being a bit cheeky, as that’s the kind of thing that immediately gets asked when a man goes away.

Ponoka7 · 12/06/2023 13:09

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:02

no, you shouldn’t be hanging out with random men while your in a relationship. You wouldn’t feel ok if it were the other way round would you? No. So don’t do it yourself and expect your husband to be ok with it.

In my world, people go to pubs/clubs and socialise, regardless of relationship status. Can you imagine how shit city centres, festivals etc would be if people only spoke to the person who they went out with? And it isn't about shagging, it's about having a laugh. If the OP was Muslim/evangelist Christian I'm sure that she would have said.
OP I'd wonder if he's cheated, because otherwise he'd know that you can speak to other people without sex being involved. This is a classic case of double standards.

Thesharkradar · 12/06/2023 13:10

The fact that he is suspicious of you says a lot about what he gets up to at work
☝️👀

Shoxfordian · 12/06/2023 13:12

He sounds like an insecure dick- nothing attractive about jealousy

diddl · 12/06/2023 13:13

he said he had been busy looking after our kids while I was out partying with stags

What's his point?

Does he not trust you?

LocalHobo · 12/06/2023 13:14

To be fair , if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be the same . But that’s me.
As innocent as it is. I am the same.

And I'm aware that insecurity is unattractive but I can't help it.

notokaywiththetropes · 12/06/2023 13:20

ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/06/2023 12:04

Sex swap this and I can easily imagine a wife writing the other end asking if her DH has cheated.

She'd a daft twat as well then.

You either trust each other or you don't. Doesn't matter where you go or who you meet or anything.
Jealous people are the worst. It's a form of control.

theGooHasGone · 12/06/2023 13:24

Given the age gap I understand why he's insecure about the whole thing, but it's his problem to get over. Sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue where maybe relations between the two of you aren't the best, if I'm honest. Happy people don't project suspicion onto others.

Deleting you from Instagram is stupidly petty teenage stuff.

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:27

Ponoka7 · 12/06/2023 13:09

In my world, people go to pubs/clubs and socialise, regardless of relationship status. Can you imagine how shit city centres, festivals etc would be if people only spoke to the person who they went out with? And it isn't about shagging, it's about having a laugh. If the OP was Muslim/evangelist Christian I'm sure that she would have said.
OP I'd wonder if he's cheated, because otherwise he'd know that you can speak to other people without sex being involved. This is a classic case of double standards.

Nope, sorry, I disagree with you. Also, I wouldn’t be impressed if my Dp was hanging out with a hen group! And i definitely have not cheated so 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheMurderousGoose · 12/06/2023 13:36

I went to Spain with my friends a couple of weekends ago. One night we spoke to a stag group. Managed not to shag any of them.

I sometime go on nights out with my friends too. Sometimes speak to blokes. Also manage not to shag them.

The world is filled with people of the opposite sex who are not your romantic partner. It’s okay to interact with them on a platonic level.

RPost · 12/06/2023 13:49

Sounds very childish - and he doesn't seem willing to discuss it if he says he's 'fine' when he's not!

EvelynKatie · 12/06/2023 13:54

Feels like he's projecting.

notokaywiththetropes · 12/06/2023 14:11

Daisydu · 12/06/2023 13:27

Nope, sorry, I disagree with you. Also, I wouldn’t be impressed if my Dp was hanging out with a hen group! And i definitely have not cheated so 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can't really disagree, since she is describing normal human behviour that is most peoples actual experience.

You don't trust your DP and want to control him. That's not ok.