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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband annoyed after my trip to Ibiza…

142 replies

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 11:33

I’m trying to work out if I’m in the wrong here or my husband. I went on a weekend trip to Ibiza with my sister. On the last night I sent a video to my husband of planes flying over the club to show our son. He messaged back saying “who’s that in the background” it was a guy asking if I had got the video as I had spent ages trying to get one. I explained we had met a stag party the day before, who happened to be on the same flight as us. They were also at the same club that day. He then ignored all messages from me and deleted me from Instagram after I posed a picture.

When he eventually got back to me, he said he had been busy looking after our kids while I was out partying with stags. I’ve tried to explain that it was completely Innocent, we obviously didn’t arrange to meet these guys there but why would we ignore them when we bumped into them. For what it’s worth, they were so respectful and obviously nothing happened. We just chatted for a bit and had a few drinks while listening to the music.

My husband is still very annoyed and acting off with me (but saying he’s fine). It’s making me feel terrible and like I have done something wrong. My sister thinks I shouldn’t have said anything at all to him but I didn’t see the need to lie.

I would like to add that he works in nightclubs so spends a lot of days/nights out and drinking and socialising. Im sure if he said he was hanging out with a hen party I might feel worried but I would just ask him , not give him the silent treatment. Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
5128gap · 12/06/2023 16:08

brunettemic · 12/06/2023 15:53

Fair to say then that when women tag onto a stag do it’s not to have a turn holding the fake plastic breasts then? You’ve proved my point though.

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No I'm fairly certain that women don't typically want to hold plastic breasts. So if that's the point you think I've proved for you, then happy to help.

DeflatedAgain · 12/06/2023 16:14

Ignore him, OP 🤣

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:18

It's a bit odd that married people with children want to go away on these type of holidays individually. Surely you move onto family type holidays once you're married with kids?

TheMurderousGoose · 12/06/2023 16:19

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:18

It's a bit odd that married people with children want to go away on these type of holidays individually. Surely you move onto family type holidays once you're married with kids?

You can do both. I enjoy weekends away with my friends. Hope I always will.

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:21

Weekends away in Ibiza and other destinations typically associated with people on stag and hens doos looking for a shag?

cheeseslices90 · 12/06/2023 16:22

I've had similar with my 'D'H. I go to Ibiza every year with a group of girls (we are all around 50 in age). First few years H didn't want to hear or know anything about the trip. He didn't even know where I was staying or the flight number or who was going. Totally pathetic.
OP I would ignore your DH and go next time regardless. I hope you had a great time btw !

TheMurderousGoose · 12/06/2023 16:23

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:21

Weekends away in Ibiza and other destinations typically associated with people on stag and hens doos looking for a shag?

this may shock you but there are people looking for a shag in every place on the earth.

perfectly possible to go to Ibiza and have nice laidback time with friends without hopping into bed with a stranger.

Crazy I know.

cheeseslices90 · 12/06/2023 16:24

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:21

Weekends away in Ibiza and other destinations typically associated with people on stag and hens doos looking for a shag?

I've been going to ibiza with a group of girls for around 10 years now. I've never gone for a hen do, I've never seen a rowdy stag do and I have never shagged or tried to shag or had anyone try to shag me - thank goodness !

cheeseslices90 · 12/06/2023 16:28

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:18

It's a bit odd that married people with children want to go away on these type of holidays individually. Surely you move onto family type holidays once you're married with kids?

I'm married and have DC. I go for a week of relation with no DC, a week of girly time. We shop, sip cocktails, do face masks, chill, sunbathe, have nice dinners and the best bit is that we each only have our own stuff and we are not responsible for anyone else for that entire week.

dartsofcupid · 12/06/2023 16:32

5128gap · 12/06/2023 12:47

Well people advise from their own experience don't they? Most women know that when men tag onto hen do's it's not because they want to ask what colour the bridesmaids are wearing or have a turn holding the inflatable penis.

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hahahaha

StartinOverAgain · 12/06/2023 16:33

Nottodaysatan87 · 12/06/2023 13:04

I also met a lovely group of girls as well as a lesbian and gay couple. I didn’t intentionally seek out a stag do to ‘get my own back’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

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Watch out for him "getting his own back" when he goes away though...! I have been with a man like this, was exhausting.

TheMurderousGoose · 12/06/2023 16:34

cheeseslices90 · 12/06/2023 16:24

I've been going to ibiza with a group of girls for around 10 years now. I've never gone for a hen do, I've never seen a rowdy stag do and I have never shagged or tried to shag or had anyone try to shag me - thank goodness !

Show quote history

Ibiza is such a gorgeous place and offers so much more than randoms looking for a quick shag. It's as though some people's knowledge of foreign holidays begins and ends with 18-30 style holidays.

sueelleker · 12/06/2023 16:53

He won’t be able to change his jealousy - especially as you are 10 years his junior, so it’s up to you to make sure he doesn’t feel jealous. Or leave. Or don’t go on girly holidays without him. Or put up with it until he forgets about it.
So basically, you think she should pussyfoot around him so as not to hurt his fragile ego?

ReliantRobyn · 12/06/2023 17:06

He needs to get his ducks in a row ASAP and contact a solicitor.

merryhouse · 12/06/2023 17:15

My husband came back from a work trip to London once and told me about the hen party he'd met in the (very generous) hotel lounge.

Honestly, it never even occurred to me to wonder whether he'd tried to get off with any of them.

Shehug · 12/06/2023 19:24

Could be projection on his part. What does he get up to at his nightclub- ask him? He's insecure for a reason?

Ziggley · 12/06/2023 23:31

Hi, I'm sorry but the first thought that came to my mind, was 'projection' basically, he could be accusing you of something he himself, is or has been guilty of. Such a shame, when you'd probably had a lovely time away with your sister, and no doubt wasn't able to share the details of your trip with him, without you being accused of all sorts of things that had never happened..

MissPoldark · 12/06/2023 23:41

I'm married and have DC. I go for a week of relation with no DC, a week of girly time. We shop, sip cocktails, do face masks, chill, sunbathe, have nice dinners and the best bit is that we each only have our own stuff and we are not responsible for anyone else for that entire week

amusing and ironic typo there 😁

MrsMikeDrop · 12/06/2023 23:44

You're not in the wrong, but it is funny because if the situation was reversed people on here would be going insane saying 'DH' has been cheating. Grin

Sarahtm35 · 13/06/2023 00:02

Ugh I couldn’t be in a marriage where my husband was off pubbing and clubbing with his mates all the time at 46. Do people not grow up anymore?

notokaywiththetropes · 13/06/2023 10:14

jc12689 · 12/06/2023 16:18

It's a bit odd that married people with children want to go away on these type of holidays individually. Surely you move onto family type holidays once you're married with kids?

WTF? It's not a bit odd! It's odd that you think its odd. We have family holidays AND trips with friends, its not either/or. There's nothing wrong with going out to pubs etc with friends either...

I've been on hen do's and never had sex with anyone, DH has been on stag weekends and similarly has managed to never shag another woman. He meets hen parties all the time in his work, he talks to women and still, doesn't have sex with them.

Such odd attitudes here.

Hotdogincoldbath · 13/06/2023 10:43

Okay so first off I would of asked who's voice was in the background, I'd like to think my wife and I swat away conversations or encounters we don't want to be in so it'd be unusual for me to start off, but being an adult a question doesn't need to be an accusation, I'd have heard listened to the reason and moved on because it seems pretty innocent to me?

From what it sounds like, it sounds like him being a 46 yo out of his prime male working in nightclubs being surrounded by people much younger than himself he sounds very insecure and is probably projecting his own insecurities onto you.

SpicyChickenPizza · 13/06/2023 10:46

Jealousy and insecurity are in my top three of unattractive traits.

Thankfully neither my husband nor I would be upset by this scenario.

The sulking and deleting is the icing on the unattractive cake for me. I would be so annoyed OP. Do not apologise. You did nothing wrong. Yuk.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/06/2023 10:53

zmq3Zm96uijcs2c · Yesterday 12:43
Jealousy is so unattractive and is, in my experience, often evidence of that person’s own infidelity. The accusation can be a confession”

Tbf, in this case I expect he’s basing it on the behaviour of stag dos he sees regularly during his work in clubs.

I wouldn’t want to hang out with one on a weekend away. Don’t suppose many want to have a cosy chat and share photos of their wives and children 😁

Clarinet1 · 13/06/2023 11:10

I’ve never been to Ibiza although I know its reputation.
If you and your DH are going to go away separately, it wouldn’t be much of a trip if you didn’t speak to anyone of the opposite sex! What about the waiting staff, receptionists, cleaning/maintenance staff…. I’m afraid there is a possibility that he may be reacting because of what he does when working or out on his own.

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