Cry it out method... do people still do this?

[gonewithtthewind]

I'm NOT a cry it out parent, if whoever does it with their child wants to, that's fine... not my lane. But why when you don't use the Cry it out method do people have something to say?

I still contact nap, I love it and my baby will go down in her cot. I don't co-sleep.

When it gets the witching hour she can be difficult to put in her cot, but I just assumed that was to do with the witching.

I've posted about my MIL before. And she tells me to just leave her to cry and she will go to sleep, she says my SIL does it with her two children and it works so I should do the same! I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, it's so awful. I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable or what, I've cut contact for now but it's not my family so it can be tough.

I tried it with all three of mine.

I didn't just leave them to cry. I went back in every 5 mins to do verbal reassurance and tell them it was sleep time. The two boys were self settling within 6 days. My daughter however did not crack and it wasn't going to work.

Its definitely worth trying and saved my sanity.

My brother and his wife STILL have to sit with their kids who are now 7 and 9 until they fall asleep as they've never been taught to settle themselves. This can take anything up to 11pm each night so they don't get much time to themselves.

Each to their own.

I’ve never done any kind of sleep training and my now two year old goes to sleep in his bed by himself and sleeps through 7-7. He also settles himself for his naps.
We co-slept and did contact naps until he was ready to sleep alone. It can and does happen naturally and when they’re developmentally ready without “training” them and absolutely without doing cry-it-out.

I sometimes wish I could do some sort of sleep training because my 2 year old still wakes throughout the night wanting milk; she is breastfed.

I haven't had one nights 'full' sleep in the two years. I am drained. Just lucky I'm a sahm otherwise I'd be dead 😀 I think she wakes 2-3 hourly.

I am hanging on to the hope that one day she will sleep through and also won't be in our bed forever...

People have always had a range of approaches. I’m in my 40s and my mother never used cry it out. Don’t start doubting what you’re doing when it’s working for you and your baby.

I think crying out is horrible. But I did sleep train. They are different.

It does not work for all babies and children. It is one of those annoying issues where people are determined to give you advice/ say what you are doing is wrong, despite the fact you know your child best.

I tried this method but it never worked for my son. I gave up after two weeks, I felt terrible when I heard him cry.

When my first child was a month old, the health visitor told me that 'no baby ever died of crying'. That child is now a successful and deeply compassionate specialist nurse,

Ignore your mil and do things the way you want to do them with your baby.

I have never sleep trained, went with what they needed at any given stage and have 3 happy kids who sleep in their own beds despite people telling me one of them(who coslept until 3) would never leave my bed.

I guess if you are complaining in any way to your MIL that your baby doesn't fall asleep easily at night, then it's natural to respond with advice with what she would do?

It's absolutely fine to do your way if you want, and for you to deal with those consequences in any way you want - but I wouldn't complain about it if you don't want to hear advice.

Yes, I did CIO. Didn't realise it was called that at the time. But yes, I put them in their cots and then went out of ear shot for five minutes whilst I had a cup of tea/glass of wine, after a full on day. Not sure if they cried for the full five minutes or not, but after 2 days I didn't go out of ear shot any more. I also breast fed, baby wore all day long; but at night, Moses basket and lights out after the night time wind down routine. My dc have both been marvellous sleepers since.

I did Controlled crying after trying multiple gentle methods with DD because she was a horrendous sleeper. People have different levels of tolerance but minimum 5 wakes a night, plus daily 5.30am wake ups for over a year destroyed me. I slept through my stop on the train more than once, I was in meetings in work about my performance. I'm a better mum for getting a good nights sleep, DD was much happier for sleeping properly too.

Never had to do anything with DS as he's a decent sleeper, if I'd have had him first I'd think I was a parenting genius.

*didn't need to

Didn't ask for advice, nor did I moan about her not going down straight away. Baby was napping on me when she came round and told me she'll never sleep if she always sleeps on me, I said she goes down at night once she's done watching - she then told me to leave her to cry. X

This

My American BIL and SIL were actually recommended to do cry it out at 8 weeks by their paediatrician. I actually googled their paediatrician later to confirm I had understood it correctly:

https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/sleep/

We did controlled crying at around 8-10 months with both. It worked really well for us.

If they're psychopaths, yes.

To qualify-there is a difference between being desperate and putting a crying baby safely in her cot and walking away to breathe and regroup and actually using a "method."

people confuse crying it out with controlled crying. they are completely different. the first just lets them cry with no reassurance whatsoever. the second means you go in every 5 minutes to quietly reassure. we did this with all 3 of ours at 6/7 months and I am glad that we did. would never have done crying it out thats horrible.

That US link is insane. At 8 weeks they should be sleeping in a room with their parents anyway.

People like to give unsolicited advice with babies, sounds like you are happy with how things are so ignore MIL.
I can't believe a doctor suggested CIO on an 8 week old surely that's too young? I did do it with DD but she was probably around 8 months. We realised she cried just because she was put in bed and learned the difference between that cry and an actual distress cry. It worked and for a while she was great at bedtimes settling herself off to sleep by 8pm. She's 4.5 years now and although she doesn't expect us to stay till she falls asleep she stays awake till rather late some nights despite our efforts. Still mostly we get evenings to ourselves (or did before DS was born! He's very young still, too young to worry about sleep yet)

Honestly, most people do sleep training. Not many will admit to it though!

@Somanycats "Honestly, most people do sleep training. Not many will admit to it though!"

Evidence, please?

The issue here is your MIL giving unsolicited advice.

I suppose, looking at it from her perspective - if she used to put her babies down and let them cry a bit, SIL did the same, she might feel defensive about it. Mothers don't stop being touchy about their choices when their kids stop being babies! She might perceive your behaviour as implying there was something wrong with how she did it.

I used to love a good contact nap. CIO is sometimes a reasonable thing to do when the sleep situation is not working and causing real issues. CIO can describe techniques where you keep returning to the baby or stay in the room and provide reassurance, whereas I think Ferber is where you go for it from the get go and don't return regularly. Arguably, returning often is mainly for the parent's benefit and just drags the whole thing out.

Just do what works for you.

How old is your baby, OP? There is a bit of a difference between a 3mo always contact napping and a 12mo or 18mo. Not that there's anything wrong with an older child napping on you, but at some point it's more comfortable for everyone if they're in a cot rather than on your lap.

Whether you dress up your method as controlled crying or sleep training, if it involves leaving your baby to cry alone I think it’s horrible. My friend did what you describe as controlled crying: going back in every 5 minutes to reassure. Her 1 year old got so distressed she vomit in her cot.
There are gentler ways to help your baby sleep better and I’d urge any mums reading this thread looking for advice to look up Lyndsay Hookway on instagram. She describes methods of helping your baby sleep more independently that don’t involve them crying alone for any period of time, and it works! It just isn’t the quick fix that some people are after.

She's 5 months x