Cry it out method... do people still do this?

[gonewithtthewind]

I'm NOT a cry it out parent, if whoever does it with their child wants to, that's fine... not my lane. But why when you don't use the Cry it out method do people have something to say?

I still contact nap, I love it and my baby will go down in her cot. I don't co-sleep.

When it gets the witching hour she can be difficult to put in her cot, but I just assumed that was to do with the witching.

I've posted about my MIL before. And she tells me to just leave her to cry and she will go to sleep, she says my SIL does it with her two children and it works so I should do the same! I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, it's so awful. I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable or what, I've cut contact for now but it's not my family so it can be tough.

I don’t do cry it out I do controlled crying. I think it promotes good sleep health as children learn to be relaxed and happy falling alseep.

if that doesn’t work for you then fine. Well done enjoy your contact naps.

have you actually followed any of the links in that article, or just skim read it because it supports your views?!

It's one of the worst pseudo scientific articles I've seen in a long time.

The only links that work properly are the ones to the study that shows that leaving babies to cry doesn't harm them! 🙄

All the other references to studies/articles that support the authors point either:

• link doesn't work (404 link not found)

• Lead to articles that aren't studies, just other opinion pieces

• lead to studies that are nothing to do with sleep training or babies crying at all (cortisol levels in daycare settings)

• lead to an advert for a book

• and in one case, take you to a straight up attack on formula feeding parents, with no reference to crying babies at all...

Please can you at least check you aren't posting complete nonsense before you try and scare parents with it. 🙄

I agree with the original poster. All the legitimate studies that you can actually find and reference (i.e not pressure group led ones designed to make parents feel guilty) show that leaving babies to cry to sleep is totally safe and does them no harm.

You’ve said everything I was going to say. I even have three children. 😂

Instilling a sense of independence and confidence is empowering your child for later in life. Leaving baby to cry for a little while keeps mum (or dad) sane or even to satisfy just basic human needs like eating and showering. Babies learn by observing so it's much better for them to observe their caregivers going about their business, making food, talking to them while doing so, interacting, but at a distance, this is all great groundwork for the future. If they are picked up every time they cry then they won't learn so quickly about their independence in the world.

Sorry but that’s absolute rubbish. Especially for very small babies/children.
A small child is not going to think “oh, nobody is coming even though I am crying, I all of a sudden feel so empowered and am really glad
my DM/DP is taking some time for themselves”

Wherever possible, I attended to my DS every time he cried or needed anything. He is 5 now and incredibly independent. They learn to be secure/independent by having a secure base - a healthy attachment to their primary caregiver(s) bit by being ignored by them.

Biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever read.

No, I couldn't hear them cry. 4 years of never having a full nights sleep but I still couldn't! 🫠

Tell me you care more about a quiet life than your baby and their wellbeing, without telling me you care more about a quiet life than your baby…

All the links work for me, it must be your location / cookie settings. I also only quoted 3 parts of the article, all 3 relate to the question the OP asked “do people still use cry it out?” I didn’t make any reference or comment about the other off topic elements of the wider article.

Even if the links didn’t work for you, all the original research papers can be found easily found. For ease here are the links to the specific 3 papers I referenced, not the links that were included in the article.

https://earlyyearsstudy.ca/early-years-study-1/#:~:text=In%201999%2C%20the%20Hon.,for%20the%20high%20tech%20economy.
Page 33 onwards talks about stress, being left to cry, comfort, etc. all relevant to the question the OP asked. All concluding CIO is not beneficial.

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Michael-Commons-2/publication/272210021_Why_Not_Crying_It_Out_Part_1_The_Science_That_Tells_Us_That_Responsiveness_is_Key/links/58402ac408ae8e63e61f75b7/Why-Not-Crying-It-Out-Part-1-The-Science-That-Tells-Us-That-Responsiveness-is-Key.pdf?origin=publication_detail
Discusses multiple studies, on both sides of the argument, but ultimately concludes that even though CIO might work in stopping infants crying, those infants ultimately learnt that they are alone so not to bother crying.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2946618/
Not specifically about CIO, about responsive care in general and concludes that increased cortisol levels can have a number of negative impacts on behaviour, but warm, responsive care does not increase cortisol levels.

In conclusion, don’t come for me because you feel guilty for ignoring your crying child.

Are you sniffing glue?!

The first link directly references 'romanian orphanages' as it's study group.

The second link isn't a study, it's an opinion piece.

The third link by your own admission isn't anything to do with crying children.

🤦🏾‍♂️

Same! CIO and CC are in the same bracket for me. A five minute interval would feel like 5 hours of extreme distress.

I feel awful leaving her to cry when I have to make her a bottle, and that's only because I don't do everything at the same time. I don't know how some people do it, not shade to that I just don't!

Can't not dont*

I didn't do it, couldn't do it, hate the idea of it. Babies require comfort and company not to mention they have small stomachs so need feeding little and often. I always held my daughter to sleep and tended to her when she cried as a baby. She was a bad sleeper back then but it all changed once she turned 1 and she just naturally started sleeping through the night. Then, as a toddler, she began (again it was done on her terms when she was ready for it) to happily go to sleep by herself in her own room without needing me to stay with her. So my comfort and lack of sleep training didn't cause any issues with her sleep in the long-term.

But I have friends who did sleep-train, one did it with her 3 children from a very young age, and they equally seems to have happy, well adjusted children so each to their own. Personally though it wasn't for me. You're the mum, you decide how to raise your own child because you'll have to live with your choices.

No I don't think anyone does that. That basically means you just leave the baby in the room to cry forever. Everyone I know has done a version of Ferber, my version only went to 3 min max, then you go back in the room for a cuddle, I think most are 5 minutes. Totally recommend it. I think it took two times to go in the room, baby started sleeping through for 12 hours at 9 months. No looking back for me. You also need to get naps right as day sleep, affects night sleep.

Totally, one thing I don't understand is your baby is worse off if they can't sleep properly and aren't getting quality sleep. I don't see why you'd want your child to need to wake up and need comforting unless its actually you who wants to feel needed. My neice still sleeps with her parents and she's 7! Another nephew slept with his mum til he was 12!! 😳🤯

I agree with this too, I do think some kids just perhaps aren't good sleepers. Mine took to it instantly which is why I'm such an advocate, but he always was a great sleeper anyway, just around 8 months he decided he didn't like his cot anymore and I was too scared to risl co-sleeping as I had a friend who's child died this way. Once I had him into a proepr routine, with timed naps, and tried sleep training I actually felt bad I hadn't done it earlier as he was sleeping about 3-6 more hours in a 24 hour cycle. The science behind it is quite fascinating (my friend is now a professional sleep coach so I haven't learn3d loads from her).

People have plenty to say when you do sleep train too, usually people who have never done any sleep training method and make incorrect assumptions.

I sleep trained my 6 month old from birth but have never used the cry it out method.

I didn't sleep train, but I do think the idea that it's harmful is silly. In the context of a secure loving relationship, it's stressful. That's all. I didn't want to do it, because I didn't want to cause that stress unnecessarily, and it was unnecessary for me.

For somebody else, the short term stress vs sleep necessity calculation will look different.

You have to do what's right for your own family. You don't need to sleep train OP if you don't want to.

At the same time it's not a decision between sleep train or cosleep forever! For me feeding to sleep was the quick and easy method. I stopped doing this when it became annoying, around 2.5 for DS1, 2 for DS2, 16 months for DS3. It took a little bit longer the younger they were but I never left them to cry. I just comforted them in a different way which took more effort from me in the middle of the night.

Stress can be a form of harm I suppose, but it's a temporary and totally normal one. Like a skinned knee. There's a difference between minor harm like this and big T trauma, brain damage, broken attachment, ACEs etc.

I don't believe the learned helplessness idea unless maybe you're talking about the full on close the door and don't come back.

I did it for 3 nights on each of my 4 kids and that was it. Bingo.

Ignore what people say and go with what you feel is best! I do not agree with CIO especially at a young age.

We co slept with our daughter for 3 years, it was great and worked well but as she got bigger it no longer worked for us (she’d go to bed earlier than us and we’d just go up when ready). Transitioning was easy as we were able to explain that she’s a big girl and it’s time to go in her own bed. We’ve had sooooo many comments over the years but honestly she’s always been a terrible sleeper and it’s the only way we could ever get any sleep…plus we all actually liked it until it got cramped.

We now have a 5 week old and will do the same again unless he’s naturally a better sleeper :)

I've never done CIO or controlled crying and my children sleep just fine now. I read them a story and lie with them for a few moments and off they pop to sleep.

I love the closeness of putting them to bed, I work full time and they go to after-school clubs so this is one of the only times I get to connect with them.

If they need me to lie with them to go to sleep or sleep in my bed then I do that too, children aren't little for long and they won't need you forever.

I get the desperation for sleep, mine were awful when younger but I refused the unsolicited advice and did contact naps, co sleeping, breastfeeding to sleep and responding to their needs because that's how I wanted to parent. If you don't want to do it ignore her.

This Is one of the silliest posts I've read on MN. Secure attachment creates independence - as if a baby is going to think 'my parents not responding to me but this is so empowering'.

But why when you don't use the Cry it out method do people have something to say?
People have something to say whatever you do. Sleep related or not. Breastfeed? You’re a slave to them, Formula Feed, you’re not giving them the best. Cry it out, you’re damaging them, responsive sleeping, you’re creating a rod for your own back they’ll never sleep properly, repeat ad nauseam.

Just smile and nod while ignoring whatever bullshit person is spouting and practice your butchery skills in your head 😂

Yep, being a mother seems very damned if you do and damned if you don't.