Cry it out method... do people still do this?

[gonewithtthewind]

I'm NOT a cry it out parent, if whoever does it with their child wants to, that's fine... not my lane. But why when you don't use the Cry it out method do people have something to say?

I still contact nap, I love it and my baby will go down in her cot. I don't co-sleep.

When it gets the witching hour she can be difficult to put in her cot, but I just assumed that was to do with the witching.

I've posted about my MIL before. And she tells me to just leave her to cry and she will go to sleep, she says my SIL does it with her two children and it works so I should do the same! I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, it's so awful. I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable or what, I've cut contact for now but it's not my family so it can be tough.

Would love to know how all these contact naps recommended above work when you have a 2nd baby?

I'm despairing with getting my 7 month old in her cot for naps and can't afford to just hold her sleeping when my 3 year old also needs my attention.

They are one and the same thing. I think both methods are awful. Each to their own but there is nothing that would convince me either of these methods are valid. That US link shared by another poster is shocking.

I understand the contact naps when tiny but my pair were very long and heavy babies.

We did what both our mothers did. Very gentle controlled crying - by that I mean we would have popped them in Moses basket or cot with me or their dad chatting away parting their back and moving away from them, say to a chair in the room etc

If they were upset we always reassured them patted their back etc. Both settled easy enough, talking to friends most did the same. Also they both slept in very splayed out fashion so I think that was their natural default position, not great for contact naps.

If the contact naps work for you do it. If not then try what you are comfortable with. As previous posters have said when you need to be doing school runs and have other children then you may not have capacity to do this. So there will be a way without contact that will work.

I think the 5 minute check in works once you know your child's cry! There is a huge difference between a whimper that is looking for attention or fighting the sleep, or a cry when something is wrong that is leading to short breathes and / or vomiting like another poster mentioned.

OP I think you need to come up with a comment along the lines of "that's great that worked for her, but I want to try a different method, each child is different and responds to different things" and repeat and repeat and repeat until she gets the hint you don't want unsolicited advice about sleep!

Cry it out is very different to controlled crying.

We did controlled crying method with all 3 Dcs, BUT they were over a year old, and we didnt just shut the door and leave.

Its a gradual process that works quickly, we would go from cuddling to sleep to standing at the bed with a hand on them, then next night just standing at the bed, then next night standing by the door and so on so on.

IMO its a very gentle method and absolutely not leaving them screaming and distressed.

Any type of cry from my baby makes me feel ill, I always pick her up and soothe her. She instantly calms down. I don’t understand how anyone can bear to ignore it.

I have an acquaintance with a similar aged baby who got the baby into a sleep routine at under 6 months old. When asked ‘How, doesn’t the baby cry?’ The response was yes but you have to ignore it.

That’s too young even if you want to do the cio method. Scientists say at least 6 months as I’m sorry to say, there is evidence to show brain damage. Later on there is less evidence but I still can’t do it. So yep I’ll probably be cosleeping forever!

Children are very different and there is no evidence it would ‘work’ on your child anyway.

My baby’s the same - we contact nap for every nap and he co sleeps so we can get some unbroken sleep. I’ve had all the comments about creating bad habits etc but i wouldn’t go NC about it, just nod and smile and do what you want to do. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I think going no contact for this is over the top.

Plenty of mums leave their babies to cry from time to time. Some times they are going to lose it, some times there is another child, some times they need a shower, sometimes they are sleep training.

Leaving them wailing for hours is probably a bit much, but honestly this seems like an over reaction.

Sleep is such a polarising subject and one that people LOVE to give advice on, even though what works for one child does not work for another. I have found women in the US are more likely to go for the more extreme versions of sleep training, I imagine is brought on by the lack of real maternity leave.

I also think we live in a consumerist society and we love to be sold an answer for everything.

My almost 3 year old was always a contact cosleeper - crying would not work because she goes straight to hysterical choking crying. I let her lead and she self weaned herself at night and started sleeping 7-7 at 2.5. That worked for us.

I imagine if you have multiple children and shiftwork, you might need to try other methods.

I think the most important thing to remember is sleep is developmental.

Everyone offers unsolicited advice. Everyone. The best way to avoid it with people who you dont want an opinion from is to gloss over it.

When MIL asks about baby sleep/weaning/anything else the answer is a vague "everything is fine, it's going well." That's it.

My mother never did it with us and I'm nearly 40 and my grandmother never did it with her kids either. So I never even considered it with DS.

It's not just this reason i want no contact, there is a huge number of things

People who do things like you also have something to say, I see so many banging on about it on the internet. People in general can be nosy and offer unsolicited opinions.

What if you had to go to work and were knackered? Or had another child who also needed attention?

Exactly secretVictoria! if you have 3 kids to juggle (at one point we had 3 under 3) then you have to for the sake of your sanity do something like this. lovely if you just have the one pfb but thats not the experience for everyone. plus, I would not have been able to cope at all with no sleep and how is having a mother too tired to go to the shops or the park with a child a good thing? Of course no one wants their child crying but neither do I want an exhausted unhappy child unable to do things during the day because they have had no sleep.

What did you say to her when she said these comments? I think no contact is very dramatic and unfair on your child and your other half who will be cutting contact by default. I would tell her you will come to her if you need advice but for now you are happy to keep trying your way. Going no contact doesn't achieve anything, when / if you resume contact you will still have the same issue.

I don't think anyone really leaves babies crying alone for hours.

But i think this idea that they will just doze off silently/happily can be what leaves people struggling with bedtime routines.

Unless you breastfeed them to sleep (which for my two involved holding & feeding them continously for hours, they'd simply wake if you removed the breast from their mouth after less than about an hour), lots of babies will grumble/fidget a bit for a few minutes at bedtime. They are tired, they have fomo, and have no other way to communicate those feelings than to whinge a bit. I'm not talking about prolonged distressed crying here.

With my two i realised if i just let them whimper/fuss, it only lasted about 3 or 4 minutes whereas if i rocked and soothed and held them, they found that quite stimulating and it made it worse.

Yep this! The co sleeping, sling wearing "I have mever allowed my baby to cry for one second" crew can be just as annoying. If you don't like your Mil's advice just ignore it.

As for wehther people do sleep training - you know full well some people do, but it's none of your business is it? Was this just a goady thread?

I don't care what people do with their child, or how they have parented, it's not my child!! People do things there own way. If you heard some of the other things my mil says to me maybe you'd understand more. She bought me a book on parenting when I was pregnant, corrects my spelling, tells me how to dress her, all sorts. It's not just a one time incident

Show me this evidence of brain damage, that's bullshit

A child with a responsive, caring parent won't be brain damaged because they spend 10-15 minutes crying for a few nights, FFS

What do you think happens with twins when you can't attend to both at once?

The thing that causes brain damage is being left to cry in a USSR orphanage type of way - nobody ever responds and you're always left so children learn not to cry

Absolutely 100% different to a well cared for child being helped to learn new habits over a few nights

Parents are often absolutely at their wits' end when trying sleep training, it's incredibly damaging and irresponsible to post pseudo-science claiming they'll damage their kids if they do anything differently

Whatever works for you. I think cry it out is a bit much but I also think gently moving towards self soothing is important

I used to have DC2 in the sling when he was small, or contact nap on my lap and toddler DC1 would read books or do stickers with me. DC2 often got woken up though!

I think a lot of the time it’s not about leaving them to cry for hours it’s just not rushing in at every slight whimper.

Everyone, babies included, wake up multiple times a night. If they are used to attention, soothing, picking up to get them back to sleep they won’t be able to settle alone. And you’ll have years of sleep deprivation for you and your child. That is far worse than a few minutes of crying/fussing. Babies, at some point, need to learn to self settle.

But to be fair you should only do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to co-sleep/contact nap, rock the baby for hours to sleep then go ahead. It’s not really anyone’s business .

Not if they care about their child they don’t.