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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cry it out method... do people still do this?

133 replies

gonewithtthewind · 12/06/2023 09:08

I'm NOT a cry it out parent, if whoever does it with their child wants to, that's fine... not my lane. But why when you don't use the Cry it out method do people have something to say?

I still contact nap, I love it and my baby will go down in her cot. I don't co-sleep.

When it gets the witching hour she can be difficult to put in her cot, but I just assumed that was to do with the witching.

I've posted about my MIL before. And she tells me to just leave her to cry and she will go to sleep, she says my SIL does it with her two children and it works so I should do the same! I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, it's so awful. I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable or what, I've cut contact for now but it's not my family so it can be tough.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 16/06/2023 10:13

Flufferz · 16/06/2023 09:50

Ahh yes every mums group I’m in… “ahhh DC doesn’t sleep, how awful, poor you, I’m so lucky mines a great sleeper” “oh but I did sleep train” then said mum goes on to spend a good 5 mins justifying why she sleep trained which in its self leads me to believe they too don’t actually agree with it. Usually followed on with “well if you don’t teach them to self settle they will NEVER EVER sleep!

The BBC did an article on it where it followed research that showed sleep trained babies wake up as much as not sleep trained babies they just don’t bother crying as they know no one is coming… how incredibly sad that babies have already learnt that their parents don’t give a s**t and aren’t coming! How is that affecting them and their little personalities. Funnily enough it’s only even a thing in the UK and USA, every other nation accepts that children need looking after overnight too, it seems to be a thing now that parents only want to parent at times that are convenient to them.

My daughter is 8 months, sleeps through the night in her cot in her own room 8:30pm - 8:30am. If she stirs in the night she can “self settle”. It hasn’t always been like this till 6 months she was waking every 2 hours and would take an hour to go down at bedtime, at 3months the witching hour went on till 1:30am it has been very very hard.

My daughter has learnt to sleep by knowing that it is safe in her cot, in her room. If she needs something, anything, mummy comes. Even if that something is just a cuddle to help her feel safe… how many cry it out mums lay in bed snuggled up to their partners whilst ignoring their baby crying for that same comfort.

I am so incredibly proud of myself that I ignored all the (very loud) voices telling me I was wrong and making a rod for my own back. I know I have made the right decision and both me and my daughter are happier for it.

Keep going Mama you’re doing an incredible job and I hear ya that it’s f’ing hard!

Sleep training doesn't automatically mean cry it out. It's an umbrella term for many methods, not all which include leaving a baby to cry.

I sleep trained my 6 month old from birth, never used cry it out though.

Tryagainplease · 16/06/2023 12:21

I know there is a difference between CIO and other methods of sleep training, but I still find them a very strange concept.
Surely, you want to teach your child that if they need you, you will be there. Not just present in the room with your hand on their back or whatever, sitting in silence but actually there.
It would be a strange thing to do if, say, your partner was crying about something and you just kept walking in and out of a room, placing your hand on their back and saying nothing… why would you treat a baby that way?! Pick them up and bloody cuddle them! Bring them into your bed and be there for them!

Mistressofnone · 16/06/2023 12:36

@Tryagainplease totally agree! I love the feeling of them relaxing when you pick them up for a cuddle.

Though I do admit to trying CIO on my DH when he has man-flu. Doesn't work.

Tryagainplease · 16/06/2023 12:37

Mistressofnone · 16/06/2023 12:36

@Tryagainplease totally agree! I love the feeling of them relaxing when you pick them up for a cuddle.

Though I do admit to trying CIO on my DH when he has man-flu. Doesn't work.

That made me seriously laugh out loud Grin

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/06/2023 14:06

Tryagainplease · 16/06/2023 12:21

I know there is a difference between CIO and other methods of sleep training, but I still find them a very strange concept.
Surely, you want to teach your child that if they need you, you will be there. Not just present in the room with your hand on their back or whatever, sitting in silence but actually there.
It would be a strange thing to do if, say, your partner was crying about something and you just kept walking in and out of a room, placing your hand on their back and saying nothing… why would you treat a baby that way?! Pick them up and bloody cuddle them! Bring them into your bed and be there for them!

Not everyone is comfortable with co-sleeping, especially with a tiny baby. I have never had my baby in my bed and never would.

I'm not my husband's parent, it isn't my job to teach him things so the comparison doesn't work for me.

Sleep is a need. I see it as my job to teach him how to sleep, it has worked well for us and I have no regrets. He gets plenty of cuddles during the day but he doesn't need to be cuddled all night, he needs sleep at night.

FernGully43 · 18/06/2023 08:17

My mil used to think it was bizarre that we held Ds1 for every nap and that I coslept every night. She used to say "well E (her partner's daughter) just pushes A in the pram and she cries but goes to sleep eventually".
I was like ok good for her if that how she wants to do it. (Also because ds1 was and is a stubborn wee devil who could honestly scream for ages then fall asleep as soon as you picked him up).
Ds1 is now 3. At around 10 months, I'd lie with him on his floor bed, nurse him to sleep and then get up for naps and evenings. This carried on until he finally dropped his nap at 2. Now, we just lie next to him for ten minutes and he sleeps all night.

We have ds2 now (nearly 5 months old) and mil actually said recently she now understands why we hold the boys for every nap, keep them close and cosleep, and she thinks it's actually lovely. It was nice to hear her say "hey this is different to what I did, and that's fine too" basically.

Always go with your instincts, op and never do something you're not comfortable with with your own child just cause someone says so.

Anonnewbie · 24/10/2023 13:10

I'm going to try CIO but it's a desperate last resort for me having tried all the things that people who hate cio tell you to do. I read up on everything pre baby and was consistent from the start, subject to trying a few different things at different points ie cosleeping for a few weeks instead of the crib.For some babies nothing works - we are up with the baby for about 80% of the night and it's not ok.
But why would you ever do it if you and your baby are sleeping ok? If I was able to get a couple of hours sleep at a time most nights I probably wouldn't, but I'm literally going to die so it's worth a shot.

AuntieJune · 25/10/2023 07:47

I suppose parents say something when they see you struggling and know they got their kids to sleep more reliably within a couple of days of sleep training.

I said I'd never sleep train, then did after 13mo of barely getting 2 hrs at a time. Couple of unpleasant nights then we all slept well, dd would be positively happy to go in her cot and ask for it.

I don't tell other parents to do it but I do see exhausted parents still co sleeping after 2-3 years and wonder why they don't at least try it. A couple of nights of stress weighed against several years of exhaustion and crying in the night seems like a no brainer.

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