Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

She might not get a high-paying job when she leaves uni. Even if she does, would make far better financial sense to get student loans and invest the £150,000.

Junior stocks and shares isa

Your kids have dipped out here financially. But I’ve learnt you get so much peace from accepting families aren’t fair.

I don't think there's much you can or should do.

It's no longer your Dad's money, and never was your brother's money, so they can't do anything.

Your Dad acted in good faith that she'd be his only GC. It's his money to give to whoever he likes.

If your Dad had actually died before your DC was born and left this money to your niece, would you still think it was unfair?

Personally wouldn't bring it up with your Dad. He's well aware that he now has another GC. He sounds generous. Surely he'll have already thought about it.

Yes I would why do people find it so strange to talk about inheritance with their own parents? Obviously don't have a very open and honest relationship if you find that sort of conversation awkward.

I agree with this

It's likely he put it into her name long ago to avoid inheritance tax.
He doesn't have a crystal ball to know you would have a child one day.
But since your niece brought it up I think its Ok for you to raise it with him. You don't have to ask for money for your son - just mention in passing your niece brought it up and it might trigger him to think about your son or it might not.

Just to clarify - we said we wouldn’t be having children due to fertility issues, we tried IVF to no avail and decided to stop trying, this was 10 years ago!! When we had DS we weren’t actively trying.
We weren’t lying and didn’t chose to wait until we were older to have children that’s just the hand we were dealt !

I think you are being unreasonable here and need to just enjoy your son for the next 18 years. If when your son is heading to university and your dad hasn't made any provision for him, then you are entitled to let the green eyed monster out for a bit. But until that time, don't let this fester as it could eat you up needlessly. It sounds like you are rich in what matters in life.

I've just seen this girl lost her grandma and mum.

And her aunt despises her because she's got 150 grand. Poor kid.
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He can’t, it’s not his money. It’s his daughters money, it’s has nothing to do with the Op or her brother. It’s between their grandfather and the OPs niece. She’s an individual, she was gifted the money. It’s her business, not her dads.

I was really sympathetic until

not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts.

while this is sad these are circumstances beyond anyones control. You could just as easily argue your niece in fact deserves it all because she lost her mum age 10 & your son gets to grow up with a mum, which wouldn’t be a rational argument either.

I do think it’s desperately sad but if your dad was convinced she would be the only GC, I can see how this happened. It is sad for your son & I hope your dad has made separate provisions for him. Ideally the fairest thing to do here, though potentially unpopular, would be upon his death to will your son 150k from the sale of his flat & split the remainder (however that much is) between you & your brother. Who’s the highest earner between you two shouldn’t be a consideration your dad should have to make.

Also why not get a better job?

Love it when people say this on MN. Like you can just walk into a "better" more well paid job at the drop of a hat 😂

You could just as easily argue your niece in fact deserves it all because she lost her mum age 10 & your son gets to grow up with a mum

That's not a given though - OP could also die at any point.

In general yes it's shit when there's unfairness in families like this, it's damaging and causes bad feeling, which is a pretty crappy legacy to leave behind really.

OP, you are way out of line. As someone who has adult children I would be incensed at them questioning what I did with my money. It is your father's money and you have no say whatsoever about what he chooses to do with it.

Get over yourself. No child is owed an inheritance.

Get over yourself. No child is owed an inheritance

Actually in many companies they legally are.

It's in response to the OP stopping over the fact her brother strived for a well paying job and that's not given him more money.

She is using this as a stick to beat them with. Instead of doing something about it or just accepting he was smarter.

Companies?

Companies?

Countries. Autocorrect.

When my parents made their will in Spain all money automatically went to my brother because he’s a man. They had to specifically say I would partly inherit.

what other countries do isn’t a yard stick. It’s about what happens here.

Or did you mean countries, sorry.
Op’s Dad is actually STILL ALIVE, though? Nobody had inherited anything yet.

@FrostyFifi completely agree. I don't understand how any loving parent can treat their children or grandchildren so unfairly.

This makes me so sad but not for you.

You are jealous of your niece.

What do you propose happens now?

My point still stands.

You are 42, with a dual income, presumably both of you worked FT for many years. Both you and your DH have secure jobs.

If you're not in a good financial position at your age then that's on you. Not your dad, your brother or your niece.