Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

It's a tough one OP. You told your Dad you would never have children. He made his decision to be generous with his dgd based on the situation at the time. May he intends to leave your DC an equal amount of £150k from sale of his flat if not needed for care home. Then he might split what is left between your brother and you. I'd leave it a few weeks to settle then ask your Dad if he plans on leaving your child money for Uni too? Whatever he decides you have to accept. My niece's child was left £100k.by her uncle when he died. He was very close to her son and she went daily to care for him. My niece went on to have 2 more children. They don't have an inheritance from her uncle as they weren't born before he died. Nothing she can do. The money is tied up in a trust for her firstborn and he won't get it until he is 25. He may choose to give some to his siblings but may choose not too.

Maybe the grandad will leave something in his will for the DGS’s university expenses.

Her DB was not rewarded for having a child. The child who was the only GC in existence then was given a gift by her GF.

Except at the time the money was gifted the OP had no children, and by her own admission didn’t plan on having any and told her father that. So it’s not surprising that, given he wanted to help his grandchild, that he made the decision he did. Skipping a generation is often a very sensible way of distributing an inheritance - it gets money into the hands of those who have the greatest need, at a time when they actually need it, and if gifted then the giver gets the pleasure of seeing the difference it makes. It can also significantly reduce the number of opportunities that the tax man has to levy IHT. I imagine that the grandfather took the OP at her word when she said they weren’t having children and it’s churlish to complain now; though it’s completely understandable to feel the way she does, and don’t think she can say anything without appearing grabby and entitled. I’m sure he’s painfully aware of the problem, assuming they have a half decent relationship, and they’ll all just have to wait to see what his will says.

Giving a 18 year old who is just about to head off to university £150k is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, hope your dad will enjoy her splashing it all on booze and nights out! (I’m being dramatic I know but it’s still not sensible in my opinion, would of been better in a trust or for house deposit)

The secrecy clearly shows they all know it was wrong. I’m just cringing imaging their horrified faces when she spilt the beans.

The money should have been split between you and your brother with your brothers share going to his daughter who if they wanted would have had more than enough to pay uni fees . Then you could have had some pressure eased off your own mortgage.

The secrecy clearly shows they all know it was wrong
It wasn't wrong, just because op has thrown a hissy fit. It's none of her business.

Then you could have had some pressure eased off your own mortgage
Fascinating, the way some people's minds work.

No, he should have done with his own money exactly what he wanted to do with it.

They’re perfectly entitled to keep it a secret, as it’s not in fact any of OP’s business.

My niece went on to have 2 more children. They don't have an inheritance from her uncle as they weren't born before he died
Yeah, that happens... 😂

So which child was being treated unfairly 6 years ago when the money was given to the niece as the OPs child is currently only 8 months old?

Should it now?
And whys that? Does he lack the capacity to make decisions about his money?

He could hardly give money to a child that didn't exist yet. When your child gets to university age he may give them money. If not hard luck it's his money. You may get part of his estate when he dies you can give that to your DC.

The money should have been split between you and your brother with your brothers share going to his daughter who if they wanted would have had more than enough to pay uni fees . Then you could have had some pressure eased off your own mortgage

No. The op’s father should have done whatever he wanted with his money. Which he did. Op has no right to be aggrieved on behalf of her son who didn’t exist at the time and who, going by what op was telling her father at the time, was never going to come into being.

It very much depends on the child, some you couldn't trust with anything, some are very responsible. He chose to skip a generation with his gift, quite sensible really, if the other sibling didn't have children hard luck.

@FirstDogOnTheMoon I haven't said everyone feels as I do. I've said I feel as I do. I'm allowed to feel differently to you.

I don't think skipping a generation is the right thing to do. Yes he can do what he wants, but in my opinion, what he wants shafts his daughter and it wouldn't be the choice I would make, as a parent.

I wouldn't have an issue if my DPs gifted my sister money whilst alive, obviously, they've gifted both me and her money and I have no idea what it amounts to, but I would be hurt if they left her different inheritance to me. Yes you could argue that this was just a random gift, but it wasn't really, it was the proceeds from his main home that he shared with her grandmother while she was alive, from which he has now downsized, his life's work was no doubt in that house, it was clearly intended as an early inheritance.

These are facts. Not disputable .It's very strange to pretend they sound ridiculous.

What are facts? You sound so very, very strange.

I can understand it feeling a little unfair on your DS. But I don't think your father did anything wrong when his actions considered the fact that you said you did not plan to have children. Additionally your DS not having a Grandma, or not having a Grandfather young enough to run around with him is not a fair arguing point. If you have a child at a later age yourself it also means that grandparents are unfortunately going to be much older or sadly passed on. Sadly your niece has no mother, so could that have also been a consideration for your father?

Rarely before the testator is deceased.

This thread is nuts.

The last sentence in the post above is very revealing..... but maybe not in the way that the OP intended.

It’s not inheritance. It doesn’t matter if the money came from the home ‘that was his life’s work’. It’s his money.

He isn’t dead. It’s not inheritance the home he is now spending his life in is the flat. Which he chose to do.

Jesus, if I sold my home and down sized and the kids called any cash I had ‘our inheritance’ I would hit the roof. Inheritance is what you leave when you die.

Jesus, if I sold my home and down sized and the kids called any cash I had ‘our inheritance’ I would hit the roof. Inheritance is what you leave when you die.

Exactly 👏

Why is it assumed that it was a secret between father and son? At the time of the gift, the niece was, and was expected to remain, the only grandchild. There was no unfairness so no reason for father and son to make a pact to keep it secret. It was just a decision that GF made about his own money, and none of OP's business.

OP not being aware of it doesn't mean it's a secret. I've helped each of my kids out financially at different points of need. Sometimes the other has been aware, sometimes they haven't. But when they haven't, it's not because it's been a secret. There's just been no reason for them to be told, and it's not come up in in conversation.

@jenandberrys and @Cosyblankets you are both missing the point again. It's not 'discussing who you give your money to' and telling the world. It's a father secretly giving lots of money to one sibling and not the other. No. I would not do that without a discussion. It's called nepotism.