Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

That's just the weirdest claim yet.
Firstly, it's scientifically and philosophically unproven: there isn't much evidence that we have free will.

Secondly, even if we do, obviously there are numerous constraints and circumstances out of our control and we're very far from having equal opportunities.

Yes it is. It's life. And it's ridiculous to use it as an argument when the money he earns is from years of hard work and his education.

If eanring money means so much to the OP. What's she doing about it?

"batting her eyelids to get anything"

Making out a. Child whose lost the female roles in her life sound like a conniving typical female minx

Dreadful..

Don’t talk rot!
Anyway, these two are siblings, raised together in the same family.
Why wouldn’t they have had equal opportunities?

It's the outcome of very recent political changes, not just 'life'. What an absurd and immoral claim.

Why does he have to? Given the rules about living 7 years etc it may not make sense for him to make another gift, maybe the OP is as unpleasant IRL as she is on this thread and her father doesn't wish to giver her or her offspring anything. It's his choice, not your choice or the Op's choice

*But the OP isn’t worth less - the money didn’t go to her brother, it went to OPs niece. The money was given to an individual. Yes the OP has now gone on to have a child and who knows how they will benefit financially, the OPs some is only 8 months old!! When he is older he may also be gifted something. This hasn’t been done to be cruel to the OP. It’s ISNT about the OP and her brother, it’s about a grandfather gifting something to his granddaughter.

I don’t know what you’re on about being kicked out at 18 etc, but OPs dad is leaving her half of whatever he is when he dies. We have no idea if he is planning a gift for her son. The man is still alive and the Op is angry about her 8 months old baby not receiving money, it’s just too much. Maybe when he is older and off to buy a house or go to uni or whatever there will be a cash gift for him too. And the OP will get half of her dads estate. Yet she is still angry over this money.*

Yes, but given GD's father's income, if I were him I would have considered that my GD was already well cared for and I would have wanted to leave that money equally to my own two children, knowing that one of them wasn't as well off and the other would eventually pass it to GC.

Yes I'm aware that nobody is entitled to inheritance etc etc but I think it is logical for parents to leave their money to their children and understandable if one is upset to have been overlooked in favour of skipping to the GC. Even more so when the money can only have gone to GD now, when he WAS aware OP had a child. If I were him I would now be wanting to leave my flat to the younger GC and nothing to my children. Of course there won't be a similar amount to gift to him, that money is gone and he has no other windfall coming.

Er, it's not rot, it's the way things are.

Your posts are complete nonsense…

Very hard situation and I totally understand why you are upset.

I'm your son in this scenario. My four cousins on my Dad's side had Uni and deposits paid by my Grandad. They are all 15 - 25 years older than me. Their parents are older than my Dad and had children young. When I was born I saw my Grandad once before he died and he said to my parents he was changing the will to ensure it said split between 5 grandchildren. He made the appt and then died. The other 4 didn't split it 5 ways. They each received 25%.

I nor my parents never had any animosity to my Grandad. He was infirm by time I came around. I do think it would have been better for cousins to split it to 20% each vs 25%. All of them had another large inheritance from their other side coming to them later. I didn't and won't.

I think sometimes things like this lead to people feeling very hurt and so I'm really hoping your brother and Dad may think of something that's more fair. Perhaps whatever is left, 150k comes to you first for your son and then you and your brother split what is left after that. That's the only thing that seems right if your neice isn't going to suggest 75k goes to her cousin. 75k still very much gives her enough for Uni, accomodations etc etc etc. That's what I'd do. But doesn't sound sadly like she's been raised that way...

What is fair is what your dad wants to do with his money.
No one will be telling me what is fair to do with my money.

“Also, there's the niggly bit, of you know the OP being worth less because she didn't have children. Yes, it's his money and he can do what he likes - but why would you give your grandchildren a large sum to the detriment of your children?”

if the rest of the will is split evenly between the two children, then all siblings have been treated the same. She’s not worth less because she didn’t have children.

So you change your mind about having kids, and everyone suddenly is expected to shuffle their finances to suit you? WOW! Talk about entitled!

I grew up knowing that my parents would have nothing to leave me, and learned that anything I got would be down to my own efforts and hard work. In short, I learned to stand on my own two feet.

Lots of elderly people end up going into Care Homes these days because their family haven't got time, or don't want to take care of them at home, and then you hear family members moaning that they lost 'their' inheritance to a Care Home. How selfish can you get? Unfortunately, Care Homes do cost a lot of money, but if you can't be bothered to look after your parents, then you shouldn't expect to inherit. I've also heard of elderly people struggling to care for themselves at home, rather than paying to be looked after when they need it, because they feel obliged to leave money to their children, which I think is dreadful.

Personally, I think that everyone would be better off learning to expect NOTHING! That way, if you are lucky enough to receive an inheritance, all well and good, and it will be a nice surprise, but it seems so many people seem to think that their parents should continue to provide for them, even when they're grown up and capable of providing for themselves these days. I can't help wondering what will happen when the people relying on parents for a last handout, are elderly themselves. They're clearly selfish now, so will they be thinking that they can't afford a nice packet of biscuits because they have to leave something for their children, or will they be so wrapped up in themselves, that they'll say to hell with that, let the kids stand on their own two feet, I'm going to live out my days in comfort?

@Trying2understand

It must be hard too ready this having also lost your dad and grandad in a short space of time whilst young

Explain “the way things are”?
Was it preordained that op became a nurse and her sibling became an accountant?
What higher force was responsible for their choices, if you claim they were incapable of actually choosing for themselves?

That's what her brother has said though. It might not be true - how many people would happily stand in front of their sibling and say 'hey you're getting less than me'?
Even if it was, there might not be anything left after care home fees etc. It's still a possibility.

Of course, people can comment as they wish but if you look at the full context of the thread. The father has never approved of the daughter's financial choices, he's given the more well-off siblings' child a huge chunk of money. It does feel like a kick in the teeth. I don't think this is solely about the OP's child.

You're either the sort of person who can see this, or you can't. I would never let inheritance 'skip' a generation, unless there was a compelling reason like lifelong disablity.

Of course the niece's mother has passed away, and that's very sad, but it hasn't left them in any financial trouble so a huge chunk of money doesn't seem 'fair'. Even if it's not OP's money. She's not wrong to feel hurt.

At the time the gift was given, the OP had no children so from a financial POV, was no worse off than her brother. If anything she was still significantly better off what with the person she married still being alive, whereas her brother wasn’t so fortunate.

Regardless of that, it wasn’t a gift given to the brother anyway. It’s unlikely that this man who was grieving for his wife and considering how his loss could benefit his grieving granddaughter was thinking about his adult children’s retirement.

The OP has nothing to feel aggrieved about, even the fact that she wasn’t told. It’s not her business.

Just ask your dad, would my child get anything in teems of inheritance? Just asking because x got 150 000. As long as you ask him nicely, there's nothing with asking. You may find that he leaves the same amount to your child, from his property.

I think the hidden nature of this is tricky. It only came out by accident, her Dad could have mentioned something which she announced she was pregnant/gave birth.
The OP may have been juggling financial needs herself. IVF isn't cheap and money does buy better chances of success for each cycle
I think the OP must still feel full of emotion and her statements probably don't reflect her normal view of her brother and niece.

So crass and grasping. Really awful.

You sound as ridiculous as the OP.

OP just read about your fertility journey. I'm so elated for you. Enjoy that baby!

How is this diatribe relevant to the OP?
She's not relying on anything, and you seem really bitter than you got nothing.

Maybe he will do that. We have no idea what he will do and nor does OP in reality. As I have said, her son is 8 months old, we don’t know what potential provisions her dad will have for her. And if the money was given to his GD when she was 11, that’s 7 years before Ops child came along.

But the point remains that this isn’t about OP and her brother. The grandchildren are separate people, they aren’t extensions of their parents. GF gave GD money to support her own life. Will her dad benefit from it? Yes probably, which sucks a bit for OP, but her dad may not have even considered that. He wanted to give his only grandchild, at the time, a good start in life. It would be very nice if he made provisions now for his second grandchild, but that grandchild is only 8 months old so who knows what OPs dad has done/is doing.

one flutter of the eye lashes and she has whatever she wants!
What an unpleasant comment.
It is in no way your niece’s fault your own child hasn’t been given any money. Yes it’s a bitter pill for you to swallow, but you really need to let it go. Nothing is going to change with the money, but you’re likely to lose your family if you can’t find a way to make peace with it.