Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

This

And I don’t supposed her brother is inclined to make it fair, not just because the money to his daughter was between her and her grandfather, but in light of her attitude towards him and his child. I doubt either of them are unaware of it.

Your poor niece has lost her mum, I'm glad she can have an easy ride at uni and come out with no debt. People have to make decisions based on the information they have at the time. Hopefully he'll try to balance things up in the future but to be honest no amount of money can make up for not having your mum.

Absolutely it's out of our control and of course a person can leave their money to whoever they want. It just beggars belief that a loving parent would choose to treat their own children and their children so inequitably

one flutter of the eye lashes and she has whatever she wants!!

Except her Mum obviously. Is it really any wonder that her Dad and Grandad make a fuss of her? It might have been nice if her Auntie joined in with that rather than begrudging her some financial help from her grandparents. The way you’re talking about her is horrible.

No, your ds isn’t entitled to any of his cousins money. No one is. You are not entitled to an inheritance but if you get one, you’re free to use it to help your ds if you wish. Money that was owned by your dad in his lifetime and given away has nothing to do with you or your child.

I don’t think you should talk to your Dad about this because I can’t see how you would come out of the situation looking anything other than bitter and overcome with misplaced jealousy. What could you realistically expect the outcome to be anyway?

Do you want your dad to try and take money back? Do you want to hear that he regrets helping his granddaughter? Do you expect him to pull another £150k out of nowhere?

The gift of a cushty retirement doesn't come from the DF but from the niece choosing to spend her money on uni. She could just have easily spent it partying or travelling for a while then coming back to go to uni. He gave her the gift when she was 11, she may not have even gone to uni.

C’est la vie 🤷🏻‍♀️

And who are all the people who think 7% interest is a steal and they can get more by putting the capital into a savings account. I would be delighted to hear about these savings accounts. Because that is the current situation with student loans, they are not the cheap money they once were. The neice isn't the stupid one

If you get on with your brother and he is as comfortable as you say when your dad dies - he may give some money to your DS -

Would you give money to someone who was so rude about your child!

This all comes down to a man who’s forgotten where he came from, now knows the price of everything and the value of nothing, his vastly favoured son and his largely forgotten daughter.

How your dad cannot see the value in your jobs, I do not know. In time, perhaps he will. But it’ll be too late.

I don’t blame you for being resentful. @ducksandquackers

And because resentment is damaging, I’d talk to my dad. Not with the aim of obtaining money for my son, that ship has sailed, because I want him to see how his secretive and unbalanced actions, not to mention his placing value in annual salary above the value in people, has made me feel.

This all comes down to a man who’s forgotten where he came from, now knows the price of everything and the value of nothing, his vastly favoured son and his largely forgotten daughter
What on earth?

Yeah, that's not the situation at all!

I think you absolutely can raise it with your father if you like.

Whether it will make any difference is the thing.

Tricky one, I think this is a mix of things that were just an honest mistake, and things that were a bit shitty.

The sensible thing to do, if he were intent on being fair to the two of you, would be to have held onto the money until she was 18, since she can't have made use of it before then anyway, by which time it would have become clear whether you were going to have children or not.

But it doesn't sound like he is particularly motivated by fairness. I can't imagine doing anything other than leaving my estate equally to my two children. It's nice that he wanted to give something to his GD but at the same time, with a dad on that money, she's likely in a better position than you, his daughter will ever be.

Uni or not doesn't matter. 150K is a huge chunk, enough for both an undergraduate degree and a house deposit. Not going to uni just means more for the house, she could probably buy outright,

Also if the money was held in trust she might not have been able to spend it as she wished. The rules might stipulate that the money had to be used for housing/education.

But the OP isn’t worth less - the money didn’t go to her brother, it went to OPs niece. The money was given to an individual. Yes the OP has now gone on to have a child and who knows how they will benefit financially, the OPs some is only 8 months old!! When he is older he may also be gifted something. This hasn’t been done to be cruel to the OP. It’s ISNT about the OP and her brother, it’s about a grandfather gifting something to his granddaughter.

I don’t know what you’re on about being kicked out at 18 etc, but OPs dad is leaving her half of whatever he is when he dies. We have no idea if he is planning a gift for her son. The man is still alive and the Op is angry about her 8 months old baby not receiving money, it’s just too much. Maybe when he is older and off to buy a house or go to uni or whatever there will be a cash gift for him too. And the OP will get half of her dads estate. Yet she is still angry over this money.

I do think its odd that hes just given it to her knowing you were having a baby

does sound like favourtism

It's not actually ok that some people earn vastly more than others in the same society.

he didn't, it was given years ago

Yes I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. To even things up he could change his will to leave the remainder of the inheritance to you and/or your DC instead of your brother. Whether he will or not is a different matter

What your brother saves for his child is irrelevant. The issue here is that Grandad has given £150k to one grandchild and nothing to the other. He needs to even that up and make it fair. Either tell her to give your DS half or give your DS the same amount.

Op presumably knew full well she was never going to earn £150k as a nurse.
She made the choice regardless; feeling eaten up with bitterness against someone who made a different choice is both pointless and stupid.

i thought op said it was a gift when she turned 18-maybe i misread

We are not talking about Elon Musk here. Her DB is mid range accountant, her husband is a police officer who will probably be able to claim a pension at 50.