To say enough is enough re flakey or late people

[arcticgreen]

I was supposed to meet a friend of mine today at a cafe to pass her some snacks she had specifically requested me to get for her from overseas. We were supposed to meet at 2:30 pm (per her request) and I texted her at 2 to remind her of the meet alongside a message saying 'don't be late!' as she has form for it. She replied with 'relax 😂😂'. Is being habitually late funny?

I ended up waiting 40 minutes for her! To be fair I wasn't doing anything else today anyway but it still feels ridiculous having to wait for her every single time. She's not the only one like this.

Someone had a birthday party recently, notified everyone months in advance, made reservations at a cosy local restaurant (the kind that has a very, very limited number of seats so the restaurant was basically booked out by us) and only 5/16 turned up! Of the 11 that were absent, 6 were last minute to very last minute cancellations, with 3 not even bothering to notify anyone that they weren't going to show up!

I'm so sick of this. AIBU to slowly cut off contact with everyone like this? Or should I just 'relax 😂 😂' as today's friend put it?

I think the ones claiming 'anxiety' for being late have no idea how anxious they make the person waiting for them (am I in the right place? Did I get the time wrong? Is it the right date? Did I send the text with the time?) Etc etc.

It's pathetic.

I cannot abide late people and I will not let them waste my time as it is disrespectful and downright rude for them to think their time is more important than mine.

I will give everyone a fair chance chance but if you mess me around more than once, or flake on me last minute for a shitty reason, then I am not going to waste my time again. I'll still invite them to group activities or casual gatherings where it doesn't matter if you rock up an hour late but anything 1:1 or with a set timing like a show/film/meal reservation etc then you're not getting invited and if you invite me then I'll more than likely decline (unless it's something I'm happy to do alone when they invariably flake or show up late)

Everyone will be late occasionally due to an emergency/unavoidable delay - bus is late, traffic accident holding up traffic, no parking so having to park further away than expected etc - but when you are late more often than you aren't then it's not an emergency, it's a failure to prepare and that is disrespectful to my time and my effort to be on time.

There will always be someone turning up on these kinds of threads to say they can't help being late, it's just who they are tinkly laugh but that's just not good enough. I have anxiety and always struggled with being on time when I was younger, but that's why I have put strategies in place to minimise that - setting alarms, scheduling time in my diary, giving myself too much time to do something so I don't arrive late (eg it takes literally 5 minutes to drive to work, and I have been doing the same journey for years, but I still get anxious if I'm not getting into the car20 mins before my shift), blocking time backwards (eg if I have to be somewhere at 11am it takes 20 mins to drive there, so I need to leave at 10:30 to allow time for traffic and parking; it takes 20 mins to get dressed and put on make up, so I need to be out of the shower by 10:10; I need 10 mins to shower, so I need to be getting in the shower at 10:00; I need 30mins to wake properly and have breakfast so I need to set my alarm for no later than 9:30am so I'll set an extra one at 9:20am too just to be sure etc) and writing literally everything in my diary and on a family calender.

Dp has a mate who has zero sense of time

He's missed holidays as his mum has the right idea and just leaves without him (he doesn't care,he's not paid for it and he gets time at home by himself)

He's always at least half an hour late for everything

We once agreed to have his dog

He love this dog and its a pleasure to have him

I was up at 6:30am for work-i got home just after 3-he was meant to come over to drop dog off around 4pm

12:15am he finally showed up!

I was fuming-dp answered the door as if we hadn't,he wouldn't have been able to go on holiday as he couldn't leave the dog which meant letting his mum,girlfriend and dd down

My aunt is always late-even to her own weddings (married twice)

It drives my parents up the wall as they are always early

At least 4 people are always late at my work-up to two hours in some cases) its laughed off as a quirk (but not for the poor soul who's waiting for them to arrive so they can go on their break)

I was late for work once-in 7 years-we where behind a car that crashed into a supermarket wall and we almost went into the back of them

Work is on the same road and it was caught on cttv

The bollocking I got for being 10 minutes late was unreal

I ended up putting in a complaint as my record for never being late the whole time ive worked there (plus the cctv that showed them what happened) should have been enough-it was beyond my control

I did get a verbal 'sorry' in the end

I've tried a meet-up at my house once YEARS ago. She arrived almost 3 hours late and wouldn't give me a meet-up time cause 'we'll see how it goes'. 🙄

Has anyone brought up their social anxiety yet as an excuse for being late? Or some other condition?

I have anxiety and it stresses me out so much when people are late, especially as I've already circled the block 10 times because I arrived 10 minutes early because I was worried I would be late even though it's just coffee so being a couple of minutes late would not be the end of the world and now it's the time of the meeting, they haven't arrived and I haven't received a message saying they'll be late so now I'm stressing that they're not coming, or I'm in the wrong place/got the wrong time etc

I will do anything not to be late, even of it inconveniences me, so it really annoys me when other people just don't care how late they are. I was on my way to work the other day and got a puncture. I figured out the puncture arrangements but then needed to walk to work. The walk was about 25-30 mins and I was due to start work in 20mins, so I immediately called work and told them what had happened, that I was walking in but would be about 5/10 mins late. My boss was absolutely lovely, told me not to worry and just get there when I could but I was still stressed about being just a few minutes late for my shift.

Two days later a co-worker rolled up to their shift 90mins late with no call and when we called they didn't answer. They only live 10minutes from work but apparently woke up late and missed our call as they were getting ready but rather than calling immediately when they woke up (at which point they should have already started work) to let us know they would be late and an ETA they just carried on getting ready. This left us short staffed and after the lack of reply to our call we had to assume they weren't coming in so had already started calling round and asking people to come in to cover. By the time the late co-worker showed up someone else had already been called, got ready and been in work for nearly an hour and late co worker didn't even have the courtesy to apologise, just shrugged and walked away. Any goodwill the covering colleague had disappeared and from now on late co-worker will not be getting any favours or shift swap help from anyone else.

THIS. As I explained to my habitually late (ex) friend, "You have no idea of the sacrifices I made, plus associated stresses and anxieties created, for me to arrive on time". I don't give a fvk about other people's bullshit "issues" causing them to be late, because they manage to catch planes, make doctors appointments, hold down jobs, and numerous things important to them.

It's rude, and we're simply not compatible as people. The upside of cutting off late people is it leaves you free to be with people like you, and they can spend time with people like them.

She’s treating you like shit. I wouldn’t have waited.

If you told her she would have to pick the snacks up at a later time and date, then she would have to be on time, because you would go out/not answer door beyond allotted time.

Or you can just carry on as you are, with her walking all over you because she has zero respect for you…

I'm quite relaxed up to around 10minutes late, especially if people have younger children. I can't be bothered getting needlessly annoyed over something like that.

40 minutes late and is significantly late on a regular basis is ridiculous and you're being a bit of a pushover always hanging around for her OP.

My best friend is like this. It's ruined our friendship over the years, ive spent literal days waiting around for her. I feel disrespected and unimportant, and I don't feel the same about her anymore.

Had a couple of friends who would think nothing of arriving 30/40 or so minutes late.

Always an excuse , every single time. One of the most annoying excuses was ' Sorry I'm late, I just wasn't feeling it!!!!'

Notice the word 'had ?'

We arranged to meet friends for a curry at 7.30pm, we arrived Approx 7.15ish, by 7.50 they still had arrived so we ordered our food, ate starters & half way through our main course, when they eventually arrive an hour late (no prior texts) a silly giggly ‘what are we like’ and were clearly a bit miffed we didn’t wait for them before we started eating! Table was only booked out for 1.5hrs, very popular restaurant here. They could only have a starter in the end…. We don’t often make arrangements with them any more, funny that!

I went off on a habitually late friend once explaining exactly how much it pissed me off she viewed my time as absolutely worthless. (I'd been sitting on my own for 30 minutes in a cafe 10 minutes away from her flat.)

She's never been late again, which genuinely surprised me. Apparently you can teach an old dog new tricks

Last week, I was supposed to meet a friend who I had not met since the pandemic. Lots of gushing and cries of "how lovely it will be to catch up over Pimms sitting by the river". Lots of back and forth about date and time.; me always trying to make it work. I accepted the first date she suggested, moved stuff around to see her. Two hours before we are due to meet, she cancels with a feeble excuse "I double booked and have another appointment". I am not going to bother with her again.

3 hours late? Oh dear ☹️

See I would love to know why it caused a shitstorm - what possible excuse is there?!

After she sent her "🤣🤣 relax" message I would have left (and not sent her a message.
She'd get there and then she'd have to send you a message asking where you are. You would then send her a message with "🤣🤣 relax" in it.

Then if you wanted to, you could follow up with another message saying that you've gone home, you're not going to hang around waiting for her to show up. If she wants whatever you bought her, she'll find a way to get to your house and collect from there instead.

Well because I had the audacity to just leave. It wasn't their fault they were late and they would NEVER just up and leave if I were late.

Some people just live in an alternate reality don't they? Well I am cheering for you

Hate people like this - especially those who have kids and use them as an excuse to be late for everything.
Your offspring is no excuse, set an alarm ffs

I had a friend who was always late and seemed to get a kick out of it. We had planned to meet on a Sunday evening at a really busy pub by the river. I said shall we meet at 7.30, knowing she wouldn't get there til 8. Taking me aback she said it's a really warm night, let's make the most of it and meet at 7. I had to rush to get there by 7 going without eating, and surprise surprise there was no sign of her. I had to stand alone surrounded by crowds of drunk people looking around for her, and on form she turned up 30 minutes late at 7.30 with a smirk on her face!

So true that they wouldn’t miss a flight when they’re going on a nice holiday… It really is simply self-centred behaviour at the end of the day.

With very young children there can be emergencies (poonami anyone?) just as you're leaving the house. And they can't sit around for ages because they get annoying. So it's a fine balancing act.

I'd be a sight more understanding about that than just because they're so cool and wacky.

I would start saying "text when you're ten minutes away and then I'll leave mine".

Being on time is a basic part of being an adult. People who "struggle" with this for whatever reason need to develop strategies for dealing with this fundamental life skill. I am not friends with people who can't master it.