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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aggressive ice-cream man blaming me

120 replies

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 18:27

This could be long, but I'm currently the subject of a local Facebook group, as two days after I was threatened and intimidated by the local ice cream man for saying something he didn't like about his conduct, he posted a long take of woe on the estate only group about the abuse he'd suffered from 'a Karen' on the estate.

I'm furious because he'd already upset me, but was so arrogant as if he was god's gift to the estate - 'all children love me for serving ice-cream, I'm here to make my customers happy, not you', but his parking nearly contributed to an accident.

His post has been unanimously supported with about 50 neighbours fawning over him and his ice cream, saying he's so friendly, cares about the kids, they get so excited, please don't let this vile cretin stop you coming.... But I wasn't at all threatening or abusive to him. It was the other way around.

I pulled up well behind him because he was blocking my drive, stopped right over the dropped kerb, opposite a junction. There were two cars parked further up ahead of him, where it was straight and to be fair, be does stop if he can. I waited and indicated (couldn't see me as he was serving through the side hatch) and a customer seemed to tell him he should move up. Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing. They didn't know there were other cars in front, due to the height of the van.

After he moved and I parked, I went to get my bin and as I walked up he asked what he could get me, oblivious. Since he was the 'friendly local ice cream man' I asked if he could help out with the congestion by not blocking access, and tried to say what happened.

He said he'd moved and to get over it. I said yeah, thanks for moving, but still don't stop there again.

I got a mouthful of abuse - who do you think you are, why should I listen to a woman, ive been driving longer than you, ive done the job a long time, you're not my boss, noone else has a problem, how long have you even lived here, you didn't have to wait long, I'll park where I like, report me if you're not happy.

I stupidly went out when he pulled up the next day, this time partially blocking me in. He asked some nearby kids, who hadn't left as they sensed some drama from his tone, if they thought he was parked safely, as if this vindicated him. He encouraged them to film me and my 'aggression' towards him, still pointing and shouting at me. They were cheeky too, butting in to say my drive wasn't mine (?), Loads of cars were parked on the road, shut up moaning etc. He then asserted that these kids had come up to him to report how I always told them off. They denied this, 'nah it wasn't her, we just live on a street full of Karens'. I pointed out that other neighbours had said the drive blocking was becoming a problem, but he didn't seem to lose his temper with men. Ironically one of the kids piped up to say that what I said made me sexist... They got free ice cream and told to get their parents to send him the footage. Huge waste of time and energy.

He tells it that those kids had to tell me to leave him alone because I was so awful. Now there are people asserting that it was their kids and they came home upset about the aggressive lady.

It's not the whole neighbourhood, but if I'm somehow identified to one of these 50 who've lapped if all up (as nobody will say otherwise, it's just an echo chamber) I don't know what will happen.

I did speak to him. He was in the wrong. He went further. I didn't broadcast it and now I'm hated, and this man will still be right outside my house once a day when he chooses.

AIBU to report him to someone? Who? Should I try to set the story straight or stay out of it? Feel like I need to move, all because he's loved by kids for giving them sugar and it's unthinkable that he just didn't like his behaviour being called out.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 10/06/2023 18:30

Leave it. People will soon forget about it.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 10/06/2023 18:34

If it is like here they tend to come at a similar time each day. Park across your drive for a few weeks so he has to park elsewhere.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/06/2023 18:37

Just leave it. It will be forgotten about in a day or two.

EvilElsa · 10/06/2023 18:39

I wouldn't get involved in an online scrap with someone who is NEVER going to see things your way. It will drag on and on if you do with he said/she said. It will all be forgotten about in a couple of weeks, it's hardly the gossip of the century. I'd block seeing the post and avoid him. Nobody will even remember it soon.

7eleven · 10/06/2023 18:44

How upsetting. It’ll move down the newsfeed pretty quickly.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 10/06/2023 18:45

I would keep out of a discussion on Facebook OP. People get fanatical about local businesses even if they are in the wrong and especially a woman who made the complaint. A woman got dragged through the coals on our local Facebook page for pointing out that the local bakery has a 1 star hygiene rating.

Sewingdufus · 10/06/2023 18:49

Don’t engage. Photograph and report every time.

strawberrywhisk · 10/06/2023 18:54

Unless the post as your name or picture I would ignore it and block him

strawberrywhisk · 10/06/2023 18:54

Has not as

GoodChat · 10/06/2023 18:58

You said he threatened you but there's no threat in your post. This sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. There was no need to go out on the second day.

MonumentalLentil · 10/06/2023 18:59

Assuming he has all the relevent licences and ratings to be running the business, it just leaves reporting him for parking over a dropped kerb. He probably isn't there long enough for the parking enforcement at the council to ticket him, or be there at the right time to be caught. However you could take photos and forward them to the council. Probably not worth it but if it annoys you to the extent you are fuming several days later...

I most certainly wouldn't drop any sharp objects there just before he is due, and remove them after he drove off.

ReachForTheMars · 10/06/2023 19:00

He can only win a popularity contest if you enter.

Dont. Stay away from the online drama.

Report his driving. Report near misses. Obstruct your drive, ideally with someone else's car and send a big bloke to buy an ice cream and tell him it's for you as hes staying with you and you've been good to him in the past and he wants to treat you.

EatingWormsMichael · 10/06/2023 19:04

Just ignore it and it'll be yesterday's drama. People are giving supportive messages cos he's someone they recognise and he's sold one side of the story. Add in the horrible "karen" situation that gives people permission to hate on woman without any context, and you are feeling victimised. You were right, you didn't go looking for an argument, he's a twat - unfortunately there are lots around. Have a virtual hug from me x

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 19:05

GoodChat · 10/06/2023 18:58

You said he threatened you but there's no threat in your post. This sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. There was no need to go out on the second day.

He shouted and aggressively gestured at me for chancing saying something to him when engaged in normal conversation. He outright told me he would continue to park where he liked (i.e. over my drive). That made me feel vulnerable (because he's going to keep coming back to my home on purpose) and is his hostile response to get back at me for daring to question him.

There was a need to go out on my own property that day. I made the choice do continue to do so despite him being there, rather than avoiding stepping outside because of him. He addressed me through his window as he waited for children to flock to him.

OP posts:
bussteward · 10/06/2023 19:07

Log it with 99.

AfricanGrey · 10/06/2023 19:08

Just ignore it.

I can't see where he threatened you?

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 19:08

bussteward · 10/06/2023 19:07

Log it with 99.

Can't even have a 99 now, as I'm barred from his ice cream van!

OP posts:
towriteyoumustlive · 10/06/2023 19:09

I remember a similar incident with my MIL and her dog once. Someone did a Facebook post saying her dog was out if control and had attacked their dog and then left their daughter terrified with a bleeding dog.

MIL then posted the other side of the story pointing out that both dogs were off the lead and their small dog ran underneath the legs of their large dog who didn't like it so bit it to get it off! My MIL even offered to take the dog to the vet but the girl said it was fine!

Amazing how two sides can be very different.

So either ignore it, or politely reply saying your name is X and not Karen, and you merely asked him politely to move his van and not block your drive as his parking had almost caused an accident, and that his response of misogynistic verbal abuse was totally unnecessary.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/06/2023 19:09

bussteward · 10/06/2023 19:07

Log it with 99.

(snort)

Just park across your drive through the summer. He can't put his van there and the kids will get used to waiting for him further along the road.

AfricanGrey · 10/06/2023 19:09

bussteward · 10/06/2023 19:07

Log it with 99.

😄👏👏👏

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2023 19:15

He stops on a dropped kerb for 10 minutes once a day. Big deal. There's no one to report this too, just forget it and get on with your life.

twilightsleepiness · 10/06/2023 19:16

Get a ring doorbell. He will soon spot it and stop parking across your drive

GoodChat · 10/06/2023 19:18

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2023 19:15

He stops on a dropped kerb for 10 minutes once a day. Big deal. There's no one to report this too, just forget it and get on with your life.

To be fair, it's not just him parking there she has an issue with.

Theunamedcat · 10/06/2023 19:20

He is a twat and you never "win" with a twat

Get a camera in case the dumb ass kids he gets to film you (and his aggression) decide a bit of social justice is in order and start causing trouble it will also serve as handy evidence you can just drop on the group of you doing fuck all and him being a twat

Personally I wouldn't take my kids to a van where an argument is happening

Theunamedcat · 10/06/2023 19:21

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2023 19:15

He stops on a dropped kerb for 10 minutes once a day. Big deal. There's no one to report this too, just forget it and get on with your life.

Great idea except he hasn't done that he has escalated it hoping for a fight