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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aggressive ice-cream man blaming me

120 replies

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 18:27

This could be long, but I'm currently the subject of a local Facebook group, as two days after I was threatened and intimidated by the local ice cream man for saying something he didn't like about his conduct, he posted a long take of woe on the estate only group about the abuse he'd suffered from 'a Karen' on the estate.

I'm furious because he'd already upset me, but was so arrogant as if he was god's gift to the estate - 'all children love me for serving ice-cream, I'm here to make my customers happy, not you', but his parking nearly contributed to an accident.

His post has been unanimously supported with about 50 neighbours fawning over him and his ice cream, saying he's so friendly, cares about the kids, they get so excited, please don't let this vile cretin stop you coming.... But I wasn't at all threatening or abusive to him. It was the other way around.

I pulled up well behind him because he was blocking my drive, stopped right over the dropped kerb, opposite a junction. There were two cars parked further up ahead of him, where it was straight and to be fair, be does stop if he can. I waited and indicated (couldn't see me as he was serving through the side hatch) and a customer seemed to tell him he should move up. Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing. They didn't know there were other cars in front, due to the height of the van.

After he moved and I parked, I went to get my bin and as I walked up he asked what he could get me, oblivious. Since he was the 'friendly local ice cream man' I asked if he could help out with the congestion by not blocking access, and tried to say what happened.

He said he'd moved and to get over it. I said yeah, thanks for moving, but still don't stop there again.

I got a mouthful of abuse - who do you think you are, why should I listen to a woman, ive been driving longer than you, ive done the job a long time, you're not my boss, noone else has a problem, how long have you even lived here, you didn't have to wait long, I'll park where I like, report me if you're not happy.

I stupidly went out when he pulled up the next day, this time partially blocking me in. He asked some nearby kids, who hadn't left as they sensed some drama from his tone, if they thought he was parked safely, as if this vindicated him. He encouraged them to film me and my 'aggression' towards him, still pointing and shouting at me. They were cheeky too, butting in to say my drive wasn't mine (?), Loads of cars were parked on the road, shut up moaning etc. He then asserted that these kids had come up to him to report how I always told them off. They denied this, 'nah it wasn't her, we just live on a street full of Karens'. I pointed out that other neighbours had said the drive blocking was becoming a problem, but he didn't seem to lose his temper with men. Ironically one of the kids piped up to say that what I said made me sexist... They got free ice cream and told to get their parents to send him the footage. Huge waste of time and energy.

He tells it that those kids had to tell me to leave him alone because I was so awful. Now there are people asserting that it was their kids and they came home upset about the aggressive lady.

It's not the whole neighbourhood, but if I'm somehow identified to one of these 50 who've lapped if all up (as nobody will say otherwise, it's just an echo chamber) I don't know what will happen.

I did speak to him. He was in the wrong. He went further. I didn't broadcast it and now I'm hated, and this man will still be right outside my house once a day when he chooses.

AIBU to report him to someone? Who? Should I try to set the story straight or stay out of it? Feel like I need to move, all because he's loved by kids for giving them sugar and it's unthinkable that he just didn't like his behaviour being called out.

OP posts:
Angrywife · 10/06/2023 19:27

Report him blocking your drive, and his attitude, to the licensing dept at your local council

Aprilx · 10/06/2023 19:28

The only person that nearly caused an argument was the person who drove to fast and without care. As drivers we will always encounter obstacles and need to deal with them correctly.

You made far too big a deal over an ice cream van being parked for a few minutes. Anyway just leave it now.

Bathintheshed · 10/06/2023 19:48

twilightsleepiness · 10/06/2023 19:16

Get a ring doorbell. He will soon spot it and stop parking across your drive

This is what I'd do. Mine certainly made me feel more secure. People know they are being recorded. You can also look back at past footage and use live view if out.

Tigofigo · 10/06/2023 19:57

Ugh sorry to hear that and I bloody hate this whole being called a Karen thing for just daring to point anything out or call anyone out. I've had similar when I pointed out to a grown man that he was breaking the law. People are twats.

Crunchymum · 10/06/2023 20:45

No-one pulled him up on his use of the term Karen? Now that's the real shame here.

DonnaBanana · 10/06/2023 20:50

Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing.

This is the actual person who was in the wrong and causing danger, not the ice cream man who would have been there for a minute or two

crackofdoom · 10/06/2023 20:51

I would have commented on his Facebook post giving my side of the story. But then I've never shied away from a fight.

MeinKraft · 10/06/2023 20:59

DonnaBanana · 10/06/2023 20:50

Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing.

This is the actual person who was in the wrong and causing danger, not the ice cream man who would have been there for a minute or two

This. Stop fighting with the ice cream man.

SummerDuck · 10/06/2023 21:00

I would now work on the basis that you will be named and shamed and called out. Ice cream vans are a traditional and much-loved local amenity and I’m not surprised that locals are showing low tolerance for a nimby trying to prevent him coming.

FictionalCharacter · 10/06/2023 21:06

why should I listen to a woman
Well that sums him up! By "Karen" he means "a woman who stands up for herself".

Cherrysoup · 10/06/2023 21:08

Park over your own drive. Sorted.

CheeseTouch · 10/06/2023 21:16

Crunchymum · 10/06/2023 20:45

No-one pulled him up on his use of the term Karen? Now that's the real shame here.

I agree.

Probably let it go, he isn’t worth the headspace, but any more shit from him and you go to town. Report him.

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 21:19

Thanks for the comments. I felt like I was going a bit mad reading what he wrote and those jumping on. Nobody challenged his 'karen' comments, a number used it themselves, so that's another place those kids are hearing it. I don't know how they can see him referring to someone like that and not connect that he's not actually a nice man as soon as you challenge him instead of gratefully pay his extortionate prices to keep your kids happy.

Unfortunately, as I said about the junction opposite, I would really be the obstruction and a hypocrite if I blocked the driveway myself.

I won't comment on his story, as I can see whatever I explain won't be accepted after so many have aligned themselves with him.

OP posts:
Fiftyisthenewsixty · 10/06/2023 21:20

He sounds like an idiot but I think you'll just have to drop it as you are not going to win this one.

SummerDuck · 10/06/2023 21:35

I’d also be prepared for him to make a point of returning and blocking your drive on a regular basis accompanied by the kids so I would make alternative arrangements for egress at this times.

BeverlyBrook · 10/06/2023 21:53

Park over your own drive

LongDarkTeatime · 10/06/2023 22:08

Do you know who the admins of the localFB page are and if they are reasonable? Could you have a chat with them and potentially get the post taken down?

underneaththeash · 10/06/2023 22:23

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2023 19:15

He stops on a dropped kerb for 10 minutes once a day. Big deal. There's no one to report this too, just forget it and get on with your life.

You’d be happy with someone blocking your drive every day?
I suspect not.

Florissant · 10/06/2023 22:31

YABU. It's a scrap on Facebook; leave it there.

Aprilx · 10/06/2023 22:36

underneaththeash · 10/06/2023 22:23

You’d be happy with someone blocking your drive every day?
I suspect not.

He doesn’t do it every day. She mentioned that there were some cars in his usual spot.

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 22:56

Aprilx · 10/06/2023 22:36

He doesn’t do it every day. She mentioned that there were some cars in his usual spot.

I was trying to be fair to him and said that he does when possible, but I definitely didn't say the safe straight stretch was his usual spot. It's basically been adopted by certain residents who work from home and have more cars than driveway space, so he stops there if they happen to have gone out when he gets here.

Anyhow, it's not right, it's regular enough not to be a one off and as others have agreed, his vindictive attitude might just lead to it happening deliberately each time.

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 11/06/2023 00:07

why should I listen to a woman
Well that sums him up! By "Karen" he means "a woman who stands up for herself"

Yep. The term 'Karen' sickens me.

Toenailz · 11/06/2023 01:58

I really couldn't get worked up about an ice cream van outside my drive. They're trying to make money, so usually gone as soon as possible to move onto the next road. If no one buys - it's like what, 30 seconds? If they do, a couple minutes or so?

If I saw this going on in my street, I'd think you were a bit of a miserable twat to be honest. If not in front of your house/drive, it'll be in front of someone else's (usually). It's for the kids, and a couple of minutes a day. Stop being a miser and you won't get into confrontations like this when you're in the wrong. It honestly sounds utterly ridiculous, and I've seen some miserable awful grumpy twats on streets. I've never seen someone moan at an ice cream van man. I'm willing to be called unreasonable, but I think you were being utterly ridiculus and made a show of yourself for being so petty. Sorry.

theGooHasGone · 11/06/2023 04:14

Let it go, you won't win. The kids are always going to side with him, and to be fair, you did start the fight by going back to make a big deal out of it the day afterwards. He told you to report him, so do that!

Dazedandbemused0 · 11/06/2023 04:48

Honestly if someone was stopped in front of my drive selling ice creams and immediately moved when I asked, I’d not have pushed the issue with him further and instructed him not to park there in future. That just seems a bit passive aggressive and unnecessary. He already showed you that he’d immediately move?

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