Aggressive ice-cream man blaming me

[Itsjustasreetfullofkarens]

This could be long, but I'm currently the subject of a local Facebook group, as two days after I was threatened and intimidated by the local ice cream man for saying something he didn't like about his conduct, he posted a long take of woe on the estate only group about the abuse he'd suffered from 'a Karen' on the estate.

I'm furious because he'd already upset me, but was so arrogant as if he was god's gift to the estate - 'all children love me for serving ice-cream, I'm here to make my customers happy, not you', but his parking nearly contributed to an accident.

His post has been unanimously supported with about 50 neighbours fawning over him and his ice cream, saying he's so friendly, cares about the kids, they get so excited, please don't let this vile cretin stop you coming.... But I wasn't at all threatening or abusive to him. It was the other way around.

I pulled up well behind him because he was blocking my drive, stopped right over the dropped kerb, opposite a junction. There were two cars parked further up ahead of him, where it was straight and to be fair, be does stop if he can. I waited and indicated (couldn't see me as he was serving through the side hatch) and a customer seemed to tell him he should move up. Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing. They didn't know there were other cars in front, due to the height of the van.

After he moved and I parked, I went to get my bin and as I walked up he asked what he could get me, oblivious. Since he was the 'friendly local ice cream man' I asked if he could help out with the congestion by not blocking access, and tried to say what happened.

He said he'd moved and to get over it. I said yeah, thanks for moving, but still don't stop there again.

I got a mouthful of abuse - who do you think you are, why should I listen to a woman, ive been driving longer than you, ive done the job a long time, you're not my boss, noone else has a problem, how long have you even lived here, you didn't have to wait long, I'll park where I like, report me if you're not happy.

I stupidly went out when he pulled up the next day, this time partially blocking me in. He asked some nearby kids, who hadn't left as they sensed some drama from his tone, if they thought he was parked safely, as if this vindicated him. He encouraged them to film me and my 'aggression' towards him, still pointing and shouting at me. They were cheeky too, butting in to say my drive wasn't mine (?), Loads of cars were parked on the road, shut up moaning etc. He then asserted that these kids had come up to him to report how I always told them off. They denied this, 'nah it wasn't her, we just live on a street full of Karens'. I pointed out that other neighbours had said the drive blocking was becoming a problem, but he didn't seem to lose his temper with men. Ironically one of the kids piped up to say that what I said made me sexist... They got free ice cream and told to get their parents to send him the footage. Huge waste of time and energy.

He tells it that those kids had to tell me to leave him alone because I was so awful. Now there are people asserting that it was their kids and they came home upset about the aggressive lady.

It's not the whole neighbourhood, but if I'm somehow identified to one of these 50 who've lapped if all up (as nobody will say otherwise, it's just an echo chamber) I don't know what will happen.

I did speak to him. He was in the wrong. He went further. I didn't broadcast it and now I'm hated, and this man will still be right outside my house once a day when he chooses.

AIBU to report him to someone? Who? Should I try to set the story straight or stay out of it? Feel like I need to move, all because he's loved by kids for giving them sugar and it's unthinkable that he just didn't like his behaviour being called out.

Me too. I skip over posts like this on FB, I think using gender based slurs like that reflects badly on the person saying it.

I hate it too. And I’ve noticed it being used more and more. What a surprise there is no male equivalent. It’s such a sexiest term and is designed at shutting women up for fear that they will be labelled a ‘Karen’.

Can you put cameras up filming your drive so that if he blocks it, you have evidence?

You are lucky he only comes once a day.

My friend (who works night shifts) is blasted by the blaring music every 5 minutes for 12 months of the year on her own estate.

He seems to work an eight hour shift, devoted entirely to a few streets on there and does a roaring trade seemingly 🤔

I was thinking about this the other week that there was no male equivalent but we could make a male equivalent. How about Kevin?

Getting drawn into the verbal back and forth was absolutely pointless.

"Never wrestle a pig. You'll both get dirty but the pig likes it"

Get him a peace offering.
A nice tub of Ben and Jerry's
Or Haagen Daaz

But only if you want this to escalate.

Given that in the continuum of time and space he was probably only going to be there a matter of milliseconds anyway, it's hardly worth getting excited about.

However 1 or 2 suggestions.

1. You know the rough time he arrives so block your own drive a few times and he'll move on.

2. Reply briefly to his whiney post how some kids almost got run over and he was abusive to a woman.

3. Do nothing. Things that get blown up on local groups vanish as quickly as it starts.

I once delivered 5000 leaflets about a stolen dog then found myself being libeled on a local group and accused of pretending to deliver them and probably being involved in the theft. Trust me, things blow over as fast as they appeared. It's not nice and we shouldn't have to put up with it but nobody dies. Everyone forgets and we all move on.

Tomorrow they'll be outing the old lady down the road for fly tipping or her husband for being a bully.

You have been caught in whats called a "destrutive pendulum", Vadim Zeland talks about this phenomenon in his book. The problem is, the more you seethe with negative energy- anger and fear, and the more you get involved, the more it feeds it and the pendulum keeps swinging. The best thing to do is not avoid it, not engage with it, but completely ignore it. Stop thinking about it entirely and choose the reality you intend in your mind- with no anger, only positive thoughts. I have started doing this and have been utterly amazed by the results. It might take a few days but if you do this, he will just stop and he will drop out of your daily reality. The pendulum will stop swinging.

He sounds like a grade A arsehole. Ignore him entirely, ignore the post. Don't give the stupid man or the thickos lapping it up any ammo. It will soon be forgotten about.

I love this, am going to try to adopt this.

(Also laughed out loud at the don’t wrestle a pig saying - also adopting that.)

I would seriously consider finding something totally unrelated that will cause more of a stir on Facebook and then the ongoing drama on Facebook will move on. For example would one of your neighbours perhaps set a few fireworks off? Or someone could mow their lawn at 9pm on a school day….that would have all the Facebook devotees frothing for ages round here! Apart from those who are joining in calling you a Karen etc, there will be thousands more thinking what a wa**er he is.

Also again trying to take the heat and excitement away from him I would just keep a very low profile for a few days, just drive on by for a few moments if you come home and he is blocking you. He will soon get fed up.

the kids will definitely find some other entertainment soon enough, they aren’t interested in a random lady arguing with the ice cream man.

as a pp said, the issue really was the car driving dangerously although ice cream man’s parking contributed. So in your position I wouldn’t have said anything but too late now.

So the facts seem to be:

He is popular with the kids and adults
You don't like him parking where he does
You didn't handle either conversation well
He's banned you
He's posted his version online
Because people like him having met him and because they see the benefits if having an ice cream van they are inclined to believe his version
You don't feel that anything you post will change the material facts here which are that you twice told him where he was allowed to park on the street
You're extremely bothered by an ordinary event

Can you report him to the police for intimidation and abuse? And the council? What vile misogynist aggressive scum

@Itsjustasreetfullofkarens the problem with calling every adult woman who disagrees with someone a Karen is it instantly makes them become the bad person. There was a recent case of a heavily pregnant nurse who was filmed arguing with a group of young people and called racist. Then it came out that the young people were trying to take a bike that had been paid for by the pregnant nurse who just wanted to get home after a long shift.

If you think the ice cream van is parked illegally and may cause an accident, then can you call the council up and report your concerns to them. They may know it's you that's reported them, but you did mention that others have expressed the same concerns.

As for the social media post, just leave it and be glad that it doesn't seem to have video or photographs of you or name you.

He's a thick, manipulative twat and he's stuck that way forever.

Be busy doing something more fun and interesting. You'll soon forget about him.

Though, I would probably give 101 a call because the concern is that his poor parking choices might cause an accident and contribute to a child being hit by a car (obviously the car driver is at fault and should not have been speeding but this happens). You've identified that risk. If that happens and you've said nothing to the right people, you won't be able to forgive yourself.

He will of course view any visit from the police as vindictive game-playing. Because he is a thick, manipulative twat and thinks everyone else is the same.

This - it just isn't worth it.

But like you, I'd be horribly upset by it. His original attitude was bad enough, but now that he's deliberately gone out of his way to engineer confrontation to justify his behaviour he's proved himself to be a bit unhinged. You will never get tw@ts like that to recognise they are in the wrong, never mind admit it.

Horrible situation - and I just hope that it doesn't happen again with a child being hurt. I think ice cream vans, which attract and excite children, have an extra responsibility to drive/ park safely.

Yes woman hating misogynistic pig, how dare a woman call out his dangerous driving and behaviour.

This.

He has got it filmed. Just because he thinks being all mouth and shouting about how someone is wrong - makes them wrong - it doesn't.

It's what bullies do.

Local licensing won't (shouldn't!) allow,Pam one to have have a transient business who goes around parking irresponsibly, bullying local residents and inciting minors to join in and film it.

It was the young guys who had paid for the bike.

The white woman was trying to steal it.

The hospital that employs her have apologised and launched an investigation.

They never called her a Karen.

You're being very very misleading with your version of this story. Why?

A Karen is a white and entitled woman who tries to demand that their preferences are put before general rules and who believes she is entitled to have things her own way, typically is demeaning to non white people and demands they comply or threatens to go to 'the authorities'. It does not just mean 'woman' it is an indictment of behaviour not sex or race.

No one has asked OP her ethnicity or that of the ice cream van man. But it could be that in her attitude and behaviour he sensed that his race was part of her high handed approach.

I have managed to live a long time without ever having to tell another human where they can park.

It is a hysterical reaction completely out of proportion to the inconvenience. Hence the term Karen.

@Niceseasidetown you've been called a Karen before haven't you...

YABU

He blocked your drive but then moved up when asked.

Its hardly something to be rude to him about.

And @Niceseasidetown I think you will find receipts provided as evidence that she had paid for the bike. But that doesn't go with the situation you want to have happened. I can't personally see why you would want to hate on a heavily pregnant tired nurse, but you do you.

It is the use of 'Karen' as an insult. And the fact it is starting to be used to completely shut women down

Let parking enforcement know his time of day and activities, they'll check in to ticket him. You can also complain via the council that he isn't parking safely to run his business (they might do something if he gets a lot of tickets).