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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aggressive ice-cream man blaming me

120 replies

Itsjustasreetfullofkarens · 10/06/2023 18:27

This could be long, but I'm currently the subject of a local Facebook group, as two days after I was threatened and intimidated by the local ice cream man for saying something he didn't like about his conduct, he posted a long take of woe on the estate only group about the abuse he'd suffered from 'a Karen' on the estate.

I'm furious because he'd already upset me, but was so arrogant as if he was god's gift to the estate - 'all children love me for serving ice-cream, I'm here to make my customers happy, not you', but his parking nearly contributed to an accident.

His post has been unanimously supported with about 50 neighbours fawning over him and his ice cream, saying he's so friendly, cares about the kids, they get so excited, please don't let this vile cretin stop you coming.... But I wasn't at all threatening or abusive to him. It was the other way around.

I pulled up well behind him because he was blocking my drive, stopped right over the dropped kerb, opposite a junction. There were two cars parked further up ahead of him, where it was straight and to be fair, be does stop if he can. I waited and indicated (couldn't see me as he was serving through the side hatch) and a customer seemed to tell him he should move up. Before he did, a car approached me at speed, veered quickly around us all and then had to brake hard as there were kids crossing. They didn't know there were other cars in front, due to the height of the van.

After he moved and I parked, I went to get my bin and as I walked up he asked what he could get me, oblivious. Since he was the 'friendly local ice cream man' I asked if he could help out with the congestion by not blocking access, and tried to say what happened.

He said he'd moved and to get over it. I said yeah, thanks for moving, but still don't stop there again.

I got a mouthful of abuse - who do you think you are, why should I listen to a woman, ive been driving longer than you, ive done the job a long time, you're not my boss, noone else has a problem, how long have you even lived here, you didn't have to wait long, I'll park where I like, report me if you're not happy.

I stupidly went out when he pulled up the next day, this time partially blocking me in. He asked some nearby kids, who hadn't left as they sensed some drama from his tone, if they thought he was parked safely, as if this vindicated him. He encouraged them to film me and my 'aggression' towards him, still pointing and shouting at me. They were cheeky too, butting in to say my drive wasn't mine (?), Loads of cars were parked on the road, shut up moaning etc. He then asserted that these kids had come up to him to report how I always told them off. They denied this, 'nah it wasn't her, we just live on a street full of Karens'. I pointed out that other neighbours had said the drive blocking was becoming a problem, but he didn't seem to lose his temper with men. Ironically one of the kids piped up to say that what I said made me sexist... They got free ice cream and told to get their parents to send him the footage. Huge waste of time and energy.

He tells it that those kids had to tell me to leave him alone because I was so awful. Now there are people asserting that it was their kids and they came home upset about the aggressive lady.

It's not the whole neighbourhood, but if I'm somehow identified to one of these 50 who've lapped if all up (as nobody will say otherwise, it's just an echo chamber) I don't know what will happen.

I did speak to him. He was in the wrong. He went further. I didn't broadcast it and now I'm hated, and this man will still be right outside my house once a day when he chooses.

AIBU to report him to someone? Who? Should I try to set the story straight or stay out of it? Feel like I need to move, all because he's loved by kids for giving them sugar and it's unthinkable that he just didn't like his behaviour being called out.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 09:10

Photograph and report him to the council every time he parks across your drive in future. And the first time you report him, tell them about the abuse and the near accident this time.

Redburnett · 11/06/2023 09:10

Ice cream van drivers are licensed by local councils to cover specific areas. I do not know what the terms of their licenses are but you could try raising it with your local council. I suggest you get photographic evidence of his parking/video if he is abusive again.

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 09:12

Niceseasidetown · 11/06/2023 08:42

It was the young guys who had paid for the bike.

The white woman was trying to steal it.

The hospital that employs her have apologised and launched an investigation.

They never called her a Karen.

You're being very very misleading with your version of this story. Why?

A Karen is a white and entitled woman who tries to demand that their preferences are put before general rules and who believes she is entitled to have things her own way, typically is demeaning to non white people and demands they comply or threatens to go to 'the authorities'. It does not just mean 'woman' it is an indictment of behaviour not sex or race.

No one has asked OP her ethnicity or that of the ice cream van man. But it could be that in her attitude and behaviour he sensed that his race was part of her high handed approach.

I have managed to live a long time without ever having to tell another human where they can park.

It is a hysterical reaction completely out of proportion to the inconvenience. Hence the term Karen.

So if someone parked across your drive you would just let them crack on, would you? On the basis that you don't have the right to tell anyone where to park?

RedHelenB · 11/06/2023 09:13

I'm siding with him and can see why he used the term just from your posts OP. The ice cream van used to stop in the middle of the road on our cul de sac and the amount of sugar the kids must have consumed would be what some mumsnetters have all year. Really, no big deal

TooJoy · 11/06/2023 09:22

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 09:12

So if someone parked across your drive you would just let them crack on, would you? On the basis that you don't have the right to tell anyone where to park?

OP asked him to move up and he did.
There was no need to make such a big deal out of it.

Delivery drivers park across my drive to deliver packages to me all of the time.
Its not an issue.

It sounds like OP wanted an argument and now she’s annoyed that other people aren’t taking her side, so she’s come on MN because she knows some women will definitely take her side regardless of the facts.

orangegato · 11/06/2023 09:27

Don’t move just buy a shitty old car or two for a few hundred to make parking there untenable for him.

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 10:57

TooJoy · 11/06/2023 09:22

OP asked him to move up and he did.
There was no need to make such a big deal out of it.

Delivery drivers park across my drive to deliver packages to me all of the time.
Its not an issue.

It sounds like OP wanted an argument and now she’s annoyed that other people aren’t taking her side, so she’s come on MN because she knows some women will definitely take her side regardless of the facts.

You...don't see the difference between a delivery driver stopping for a minute across your drive to deliver something to you and a random person parking across your drive for an unspecified period of time to run their own business, causing a dangerous obstruction for other road users?

Grapewrath · 11/06/2023 11:01

He’ll only be there 5 mins. The kids want ice cream, so you won’t come out well in this argument. I’d leave it tbh.

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 11:05

Grapewrath · 11/06/2023 11:01

He’ll only be there 5 mins. The kids want ice cream, so you won’t come out well in this argument. I’d leave it tbh.

He can park in front of one of the kids' parents' driveways then.

Niceseasidetown · 11/06/2023 11:26

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 09:12

So if someone parked across your drive you would just let them crack on, would you? On the basis that you don't have the right to tell anyone where to park?

Lol. Of course. What difference does it make to me? They are there for 5 minutes once a day for 4 months of the year. If I was in my car trying to get out im sure they'd move...if I'm in my house why would I even notice or care?

Goodness life is too short to get aggrieved over nonsense.

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 11:28

Niceseasidetown · 11/06/2023 11:26

Lol. Of course. What difference does it make to me? They are there for 5 minutes once a day for 4 months of the year. If I was in my car trying to get out im sure they'd move...if I'm in my house why would I even notice or care?

Goodness life is too short to get aggrieved over nonsense.

Sure Jan.

7eleven · 11/06/2023 11:39

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 11:28

Sure Jan.

‘Sure Jan’ is as offensive as ‘Karen’.

Florissant · 11/06/2023 11:43

No, it's not and they are two very different things.

LlynTegid · 11/06/2023 11:55

If he is not self employed report him to the company he works for. You would not want him to be behaving like this to someone else.

7eleven · 11/06/2023 12:02

Florissant · 11/06/2023 11:43

No, it's not and they are two very different things.

If that was for me, can you explain how they’re different? Aren’t they both derogatory put downs?

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 14:41

7eleven · 11/06/2023 12:02

If that was for me, can you explain how they’re different? Aren’t they both derogatory put downs?

Because you can say "sure Jan" to anyone who is talking complete guff, whereas "Karen" is reserved for middle aged white women who dare to complain about anything, however justified.

7eleven · 11/06/2023 18:27

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 14:41

Because you can say "sure Jan" to anyone who is talking complete guff, whereas "Karen" is reserved for middle aged white women who dare to complain about anything, however justified.

Have you ever heard “Sure Jan” be addressed to a man? I haven’t. I’ve heard it used to suggest a woman’s being uppity and is meant to be a condescending put down.

Oh well, let’s agree to disagree.

MargotBamborough · 11/06/2023 18:36

7eleven · 11/06/2023 18:27

Have you ever heard “Sure Jan” be addressed to a man? I haven’t. I’ve heard it used to suggest a woman’s being uppity and is meant to be a condescending put down.

Oh well, let’s agree to disagree.

I have, in fact I have said it to plenty of men.

Hogsmeadpiglet · 11/06/2023 18:47

quiteathome · 11/06/2023 09:03

It is the use of 'Karen' as an insult. And the fact it is starting to be used to completely shut women down

Totally agree with you

Hogsmeadpiglet · 11/06/2023 18:50

VeganStar · 11/06/2023 07:47

I was thinking about this the other week that there was no male equivalent but we could make a male equivalent. How about Kevin?

Yes that would be perfect 😉

wizzywig · 11/06/2023 19:00

You've watched that bbc programme on icecream van wars???

hannonle · 11/06/2023 19:08

A lot of people missing the point that it wasn't really about him parking over her driveway, but about him parking opposite a junction and there nearly being an accident.
OP was waiting for him to move.

People parking opposite junctions is just as annoying as people who double park. Grrr

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/06/2023 19:43

hannonle · 11/06/2023 19:08

A lot of people missing the point that it wasn't really about him parking over her driveway, but about him parking opposite a junction and there nearly being an accident.
OP was waiting for him to move.

People parking opposite junctions is just as annoying as people who double park. Grrr

it wasn't really about him parking over her driveway, but about him parking opposite a junction and there nearly being an accident.

THIS ⬆

purplehair1 · 11/06/2023 19:44

They have to have a licence from the council to sell ice creams - if he keeps parking illegally can you report him the that department?

Angrywife · 12/06/2023 00:32

Grapewrath · 11/06/2023 11:01

He’ll only be there 5 mins. The kids want ice cream, so you won’t come out well in this argument. I’d leave it tbh.

Somebody blocking my drive for 5 minutes (and refused to move when I explained) meant I missed getting to my gran before she died. I literally missed her by moments.
I was devastated as was my mum who was with her telling her I was on my way.

Do not block people in. Ever.

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