Would you let nanny do this ?

[MILha]

Nanny has been with us several months now. She looks after our two small children. Older one is at nursery most days and younger one is at home with nanny all of the days.

She asked to go and visit her family for the day next week and wants to take my kids. It's an hour drive away and I don't know her family.

Would others who have had a nanny be ok with this ?

She's taken my kids to nearby softplay / the park / for lunch with her boyfriend/ a friend/ her grandma.

I don't love it, as i don't know the people she's meeting with. It's happened a few times but I haven't been massively comfortable with it I don't know if I'm being too much. I don't mind so much in softplay, as she will need a hand with both of them ( but I would rather know who she's going with ).

I think taking the kids an hour away to go into homes of people I don't know is a bit problematic for me. I know they're her family, but I am not comfortable with it.

Is this me being too much ?

I mean I trust the judgement of my kids’ school teachers but that doesn’t mean I’d let them remove my child from school for the day and take them to lunch with their boyfriend. Most people trust their cleaners but that doesn’t mean they must allow their cleaner to visit their home with friends and family at any time. That’s not how it works. The nanny is being employed to care for the op’s children. Not to go for lunch with her boyfriend and take long trips to visit family.

I’m a nanny. As well as play dates with other nannies/school friends I’ve always spent time with my family (my parents/sisters/nephews and nieces) while with my charges. My oldest charge is now 22 and still refers to my dad as grandad and recently on his birthday sent him a card to the best grandad she ever had! Majority of my charges have become part of our extended family. I always checked first, but the bottom line is my bosses have trusted me and therefore trusted my judgement on what we do/who we are around.

A contrary perspective. I had a nanny from very small. She often took me to see her Mum and her elderly grandfather. I adored them all. I was as much part of her family as she was part of mine. And we continue to be. Her Mum was a guest at our wedding, for example. My DC now have a long term childminder and see her family. I trust my childminder as my DM trusted our nanny.

Sounds like my experience 😊

No I wouldn’t allow this. She’s being paid to work not to galavant about. That should be done in her own spare time.

No I wouldn't be happy with this. Especially at this point on where she hasn't really looked after them that long.
I would never have done this with ex nanny kids.

You don't need to sack her or anything of course!

If it's her first nanny job then you just need to be a bit more proactive in managing her and setting expectations.

I certainly wouldn’t allow it, I wouldn’t allow her to meet up with anyone either, she can do that in her own time, not during working hours. I’d only allow visits to activities if they’d been prearranged by myself first.

It soundsihe she is acting how she might if these kids were her own. Nannying is a job, not an adjunct to her social/ family life. It sounds like she may not be focusing properly on your children and their needs if she does this. I would accept outings to the kind of places I might take my kids if I wasnt at work - soft play, library, toddler groups, park etc. But I wouldn't accept the family and friends being involved unless they were friends she made as a nanny through meeting other nannies at, say, a toddler group.

We had a nanny for about a year when eldest was 3 and she did this kind of thing - we also allowed to her care for her own pre school child at the same time which sort of blurred the boundaries, I suppose. But she never took our child anywhere except to child friendly places and sometimes child focused gatherings at a friend's house.

Anyway, he who pays the piper calls the tune so set your own boundaries or find a more committed nanny.

Honestly some people might be happy with this as PP have shown... If the nanny is local, you know her and the family etc it can work.

But if you're not comfortable, you're just not.

Even among my local friends/family there are some that I be happy giving free reign as we have the same standards ... Some definitely not.they smoke around the kids, drink lots etc. Nope.

No, it’s too far. I did allow our nanny to have her nanny friends round with their kids, even when we didn’t know the parents. But with driving it was (our car) and only ever to school or play dates.

I necessarily mind them coming to visit, or meeting in a local park.

No way. She shouldn’t be lunching with her boyfriend either - there are safeguarding concerns here surely? I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with her taking my children to anyone’s house that I don’t know - an hour away too! No way.

I’ve allowed nannies to take my kids to meet their families but would draw the line at having their boyfriend around during working hours. But the wider family aspect has enriched my kids lives. My first nanny was Chinese and used to take my two older children to Chinatown with her family every year to celebrate Chinese New Year which they loved. Another nanny had a parent who was DBS checked and worked in a preschool. They used to cover for her when she was on holiday and it worked well because my kids already knew both her parents and were very comfortable with them.

Both lived locally however. A two hour round trip might give me some pause.

No I wouldn’t allow any of that.

It sounds like it's a bit too early in your relationship for her to take the children so far away; I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

I've known my children's Nanny for 5 years now, although she started off being their nursery key worker for the first 4 years.

My DC are primary age so in the school holidays where they are with her for many hours, she has asked if she can take them to see her house (she lives alone), or to other relatives (who I have also met) for some variety, and she loves introducing them to her family.

It can be beneficial in some ways for children to be involved with the Nanny's family, however personally I think yours are much too young, and it's too far away for them. Maybe revisit in a few years.

I am sure she should be able to manage two children at soft play. It IS her job.

She is using her working hours paid by you, to conduct her own social life. While she's with her BF, granny etc, her attention is on them, when it should be on the cildren. I would not allow that. Nor would I let my children spend time with a boyfriend I'd never met, or visit the homes of her friends/family I'd never met. There's no assurance the hosts are not smoking, drinking alcohol etc.

Just tell her you don't want your kids socialising with adults who you don't know that aren't CRB checked. Totally reasonable.

Yes same, my nanny was young and hadn’t yet had children at the time she looked after me, so her parents treated me a bit as a surrogate grandchild and I was very fond of them. I was also bridesmaid at her wedding so very much part of the family

See this is the sort of relationship I would want with my nanny given they are pretty much a pseudo-parent. Rather than so many posters on here who want to keep it a strict formal relationship

Just adding my voice to those who have become part of the family. I was asked to be godmother to my youngest charge and her and her sister were bridesmaids at my wedding a few years later.

But you aren't comfortable with this sort of relationship, at least not yet, and that's all that matters really.

This blows my mind.
What a question 😳
Poor children.

The key point is that you're not comfortable with it; you're their mother so you call the shots. You can always change your mind later.

No I'd not allow this and I'm not as anxious as you about losing sight in a soft play place.

It really calls into doubts her judgement and professionalism

It very much depends on the relationship and trust you have in her. I wouldn't have given it a second thought with my nanny who very occasionally took my children to her mums. Often dropping something off etc but they'd stay a few hours and play there. And they loved it. I didn't know her at the time although met her a few times subsequently.

She would also meet up with other nanny friends (who had children I didn't know at all) as well as all manner of activities to vary their days.

It is a good thing for children to socialise and be in different home environments but obviously it's totally a matter for you and if your instinct is no then tell her it's not ok. You're her employer not her friend.