To like some acknowledgment that walking everywhere is bloody exhausting!

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Not really an AIBU but I have PMT and need a little handhold (lighthearted 😂).

I don't drive but I am fortunate that I only live a 30 minute walk from work. This is also the main town centre so all the shops/facilities that I would need are there. If I need anything or want to do anything, this is where I need to go.

That's all fine but I would just like some sort of acknowledgment or recognition from the people in my life that walking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) is really really tiring and hard work! The part of the country I live in is widely acknowledged as being not very good with public transport so virtually everyone has a car and drives everywhere even if they don't need to. So it's very hard to get people to comprehend that if I want to do an activity or get something I need to a) walk to and from the place and b) carry any equipment I need with me or carry it home with me. It's bloody hard work! I have a massive backpack that I carry everywhere in case I need something from the shop while I'm out.

I don't complain about this IRL as I know it's just the way things are but it's just hard sometimes when no one around me 'gets it'.

For example, yesterday I walked DDog for around an hour, then walked to work, walked around at work (job is fairly physical with almost the whole time on my feet and lots of lifting boxes), then walked home. Today will be much the same. Some days I'm exhausted before I even get to work!

Aibu to want just a tiny grain of recognition that this is hard?

And I rather suspect if I brought it up with anyone they’d think I was angling for a lift anyway best to just keep shut or you’ll get the whole driving crowd lecturing you on how it’s your own choice. Despite the fact that no one ever lectured them that driving was their own choice when everyone was moaning about the cost of fuel and shortage of fuel!

I think so. Which is fair enough. If I moved to a place without public transport and walked my partner's dog and carried all the shopping, all for my partner, I would want acknowledgement too!

Your friends won't care. Your partner should.

I actually don't think it ever been easier to not drive.

Foldable eclectic bikes are now affordable prices- means you can have assist with cycling and fold them down for trains and buses-not an option for me but DH has one and cuts his commute down.

Trying to get compost to do the garden is nigh on impossible!

Wicks or amazon - sometime you pay slightly more but you are saving on petrol. Or you wait till you need several things and the delivery charge seems more reasonable.

On-line shopping for food -had that over 20 years now.

We have to live somewhere with decent transport and near to facilities - and have occasional taxis and yes getting places takes more time and planning.

There are sometime thing you just can't get to and it's very frequent that you say you don't drive and people hear it but don't understand - so be polite smile and explain - that will take over an hour and then I have to carry that back for an hour -it's so out of many people's experiences they don't get implications.

But why don't you speak up? "This won't work for me because it's too far to walk - can we go to XYZ instead".

Would you get a fold up push bike? It would be easier to take into work. I passed my driving lessons late in life. I walked everywhere and relied on public transport. Walking is exhausting for sure. Could you get better quality shoes/trainers? Change your active job to an office based one? Try and make your life easier.

Exactly!!

I completely agree with everything you’ve said.

OP I don’t understand why you think you’re so hard done by when you’ve chosen to live like this and there are many ways in which you could make your life easier and not have to walk so much but you’re choosing to walk the dog or walk to the shops etc even though your partner can do both of these things.

By acknowledgement from friends I mean not changing the time/place we'd agreed to meet to one I can't get to by bus/easily walking or on days out with the kids saying "let's go to McDonald's" in front of the kids knowing it'll take me an hour by bus or walking to get there but 15 minutes in the car for them.

I did get frustated when for one child a popular party venue was in middle of nowhere no nearby transport - best we could do was bus and long walk or taxi. Especially as it was exactly same as three nearer venues with same prices and facilities.

Our options were to decline or get them there - we often tried and many time we did get a lucky unexpected lift back which we were very grateful for.

But in group situation with friends- I'd pipe up - that doesn't work for us.

As someone who doesn't drive and also walks most places in summer (cabs in winter, cold and wet), I feel really privileged to have walking as it's such good exercise, good for mental wellbeing, free.

I do a 50 minute walk to my dad's house every week with my 7 year old daughter in the summer. I love it, a taxi is £8 and the bus is laborious when we are carrying things.

@minipie

But it’s so much healthier that I reckon it’s worth it. Also being outside a lot makes me happy in a way that driving really really doesn’t.

Same here. I can drive, have a car, but choose to walk most of the time for shorter journeys, i.e. to work (just over a mile away), small shops (again within a mile), and then longer walks just for fun and exercise.

Some weeks, I don't drive at all, as evidenced by the dust and cobwebs on the car!

Main weekly shop is delivered, and I also do a lot of online shopping for clothes, DIY stuff, tech stuff, etc. So all I ever have to carry is my rucksack with a laptop and tablet (both slim/lightweight), my lunchbox, and odd bits and pieces of grocery shopping such as top up milk, bread, etc.

I've lost six stones in weight since I started doing it! The health benefits have far outweighed the small amount of extra time it takes.

I can walk my commute in 15 minutes (fast walk), and it takes around half that, to do it by car, when you factor in waiting at junctions, traffic lights, etc. I once set off from home at exactly the same time as OH in his car (literally left the doorstep at the same time), and he'd only just opened up the office, turned on the light and turned off the alarm when I walked through the door - driving takes longer than you think when you factor in unlocking it, putting your bag in the boot, starting it up, then the journey, then parking up, getting your bag out, locking it, walking even a short distance from where you've parked to the entrance - all sounds trivial, but you really can't compare the time "moving on the road" and ignore the starting up/setting off/parking up/shutting down which also takes a few minutes, however quick you are!

I've also noticed the mental health improvements. I know I'm more grumpy and muddle headed when I've not had any exercise, i.e. on bad weather days when I take the car instead of walking - my mood and mental functions are clearly worse when I've not had blood rushing around my body due to even light exercise! When I've walked to work, I'm "up for it" the moment I walk in the door, so it improves my productivity/efficiency too!

I am sorry but you did choose to move in with your dp who lives remotely - although from what you are saying you rented in an isolated area anyway?
if you can’t manage a bike how about one of those scooters - parents often use teen scooters in our village.
cost is prohibitive now for driving - but you have admitted you have delayed due to nerves as well so living remotely was prob not a good idea

You are a bit unreasonable. Walking is awfully time consuming, but not exactly boot camp.

Your partner drives, then let him do the shopping?

Even if you were on your own, I see plenty of people, young or old, use one of these fabric shopping trolleys, they carry more than enough that you don't need to go to the shop every 3 days.

Walking the dog is hardly tiring, why does it have to be anything other than a leisurely walk if you don't want to.

With one care and one driver, life doesn't need to be as relentless as you make it!

It is, but not sure why you'd need any sort of acknowledgement. I drive as often I have to drive across the country for work, but if I can I walk. We grew up without a car so walked or cycled everywhere. It is indeed more time consuming and more tiring, but not sure why you'd need someone else to tell you that!

Have you no understanding of the world at all or do you just like being a fuckwit?

I walked 6.5 miles to and from uni for 5 years and it is tough. I’d need to leave at 6.30 to get there for 9 and I’d often now get home until 8pm. I did have a car but couldn’t afford the uni parking permit cost. I did this 5 days a week

Could you get a bike?

I understand your frustration as I didn’t drive until my 2nd dc was born. Your life is ultimately much more difficult without having the option of driving somewhere. Add in bad weather, not feeling well, tired dc…. Not being able to quickly drive somewhere adds a lot of stress on.

I get it. My advice, OP, learn to drive. Honestly, it makes your life so much easier.

This! You need to say what you mean. Say-‘can we eat here instead, as the bus will take x time?’

Or if you mean that they are deciding to take their kids to McDonald’s on the way home, you don’t have to go as well,

You have made the decision to move in with your partner to a remote area-you have to accept that will have an impact on your lifestyle.

do you feel morally superior because you drive or are you just miffed to be called lazy😂

I applaud people who don't drive. It means more parking space for me! Roads are busy enough, why on earth do you want to add more cars if you are genuinely a driver?

Op I think this is one of those threads where the poster thinks they have a certain problem but they actually a DP problem - he managed all these things without you before you moved in, he’s not recognising how all this walking is making you feel and adjusting things because of it

This

Goodness haven’t read every reply but what sort of dog do you have that needs two x hourly walks a day especially in this heat?!?!

I am just wondering how you could make life easier for yourself. I think you need to maybe to either get your shopping delivered and or get DP to help out more with shopping/picking things up or could he or someone else not give you lifts to some things sometimes (whilst you are learning to drive/finding a bike etc)? You don’t need to make life even harder than it already sounds.

Get a bike? Don't have a dog? Easy to reduce the amount you have to walk, then walking could just be for the essential things, ie getting to work.

In this heat? People do go a bit crazy about heat and dogs. 20C is barely pleasantly warm for them unless they are a thick furred breed.

I walk everywhere because I like walking, and although I can drive, there's no point having a car where I live.

I do have a bike and use it a bit (though don't like cycling in traffic). I have a good lock for it and it lives outside (no garage/shed/space indoors).

Have you thought of getting one of those old lady shopping trolleys, OP? I have one, and they are very useful for walking with heavy stuff.

Why isn’t your partner picking up heavy shopping in the car on his way home from work?

Get an ebike, keep it in the garden under a cover. It will weather faster than one kept indoors, but that's life.

I get your frustration but the world is built for cars and that's the way it is in most places. Walking to shops that are built for cars is particularly spirit crushing, usually a bleak walk that's much longer than it needs to be.