Thinking sports day is awful

[Toarrie]

First experience of sports day and honestly isn’t it just awful for the children who aren’t fast runners? They have to run in front of loads of parents but schools wouldn’t dare making slow learners read to loads of parents.
Trying to console a very upset 5 year old who can’t understand why they don’t do competitions for the things they are good at.

now I completely understand not everyone can win but our school didn’t even do races by ability so put in 1 very slow runner with 4 that represent the school competitively

Yes that's my experience of sports day too.

Lovely days.

I thought you said it wasn't a race to the bottom?

and again, it is assuming that all sporty children aren't academic and all academic children aren't sporty.

It’s good for kids to know what they’re not good at. It helps them identify what they are good at and that others have different strengths.

I also think losing helps build resilience and kids learn they can be sad at losing but pick themselves up and move on.

And I lost ever single race at sports day, but my parents were great at saying “those other kids might be better at running than you are, but we can find what you are good at or you can work harder to get better at running”.

I genuinely think a lot of my resilience and success in life has stemmed from that attitude.

Going round in circles aren't we?

It's not a race to the bottom unless the child isn't academic eh? Then they don't count.

My children are sporty and it turns out that out of the 'over competitive race to the bottom' schooling system they are also academically capable. My DS was humiliated on a frequent basis in primary school for his undiagnosed dyslexia and autism, he was great at sport. His year 5 teacher told me, in front of him, that it was a good job he was good at sport as he was not going to be great academically. I ended up home educating him for his entire secondary education after he had a breakdown which I absolutely believe was in part to do with the way he was treated and humiliated in school despite being intelligent. He is now recovered and back in mainstream 6th form and he has just got 2 A*s and an A in his year 12 mocks.

So yes I do have a bit of an issue with this topic. Children are humiliated frequently in primary school if they don't learn in a normal way. Some times so badly that they can't face school any more.

So no I don't feel terribly sorry for the academic kids who loose races. It doesn't effect their life chances.

What happens to the children who struggle academically is much much worse.

Also echo what the poster above said.

Children have to learn that they can't be the best at everything.

My kids have done well in their chosen sports. The higher a level you get to the more likely you lose. Learning that you are not going to win everything and not taking it as humiliation is an important life lesson.

I was the last/worst in my year at sport. Every sport. I was jeered at. I was bullied for it. I was laughed at. I was always picked last for every team. In any race I would come in miles behind the second to last runner. Every single PE lesson, every week. Sports day, with parents watching was the worst. Sports days at primary school gave me my first experience of suicidal ideation. Because I genuinely considered whether I could kill myself to avoid it. It was only decades later that I had the lightbulb realisation that 1)I was the youngest in the year by a country mile, and 2)I had undiagnosed dyspraxia. So I never had a chance at any of it. Can't imagine why I've been put off sport for life.

Sports day is pointless. They don’t have art day, music day or maths day (thank goodness, I would not have survived that). I always went with take the kids to the first one and if they don’t like it they don’t have to go again. So far my kids have really enjoyed it so we go. But for non sporty kids it an entire day of torture. I wasn’t sporty and I got plenty of resilience from the humiliation from PE lessons. Nothing wrong with skipping it.

I have an issue with the topic too.

I wasn't academic OR sporty in primary school so get frustrated with the black and white thinking that academic kids aren't sporty and sporty kids aren't academic.

I'm also dyslexic and like your son, with a diagnosis and the correct support it turns out I actually am academic and I now have a successful career. Truly, congratulations to your son. I can understand where you're coming from.

Sports day put me off of sports for life.

My son hated sports day because it was the only thing at school he was good at. He wanted just for once to be the best at something at school. His primary and secondary school did the non competitive sports day. No one wins except in a team and D's said even that is hard because teachers put him in a team with 3 children who are all slow runners for the relay race. Instead of an 800 meters running race they have 3 points each for walking around the field. He plays sports competitively out of school: cricket, swimming and triathlon but his school friends never see him win anything and he thinks they must think he's crap at everything. It's hard to please everyone. I just keep reminding him of his trophies and medals he wins out of school. He hates sports day at his school though because he says it's nothing to do with sports.

Just keep them at home for that day. I did, in their twenties now and haven't suffered from the lack of the ritual humiliation that is sports day

My kids have always hated and on the odd occasion when I thought it was to hot or they really weren't in the mood I kept them off. I recently moved school and it's now sports week... and I have to pay towards it!! I hate it and so do my children but I can't justify keeping them of a whole week 😕

No, but maybe keep it within normal school time - like every other subject. No need for PE to be the standalone subject where every single child (regardless of ability) is made to perform in front of the whole school plus parents so that everyone can see where they ranked.
If schools forced every child to do a public spelling bee or times table test, whilst parents shouted from the sidelines and filmed the whole class performing, we'd think it was cruel.

I was fairly rubbish at sports, but always loved then including sports days.

Rather than teaching kids that losing=humiliation it would be good to help them develop that mindset. Sport is fun, parents need to try not to let their bad memories spoil their children's opportunities.

I was rubbish at sports but did not care about coming last. It wasn't even a blip for me. Not because I'd been taught resilience or anything else. It was just my personality. One of our DC is the same.

The other absolutely hates it. And hates the bullying attitude from the 'sporty' kids who very much see it not just as their chance to shine but their chance to mock anyone who doesn't shine.

At 5, your school should have fun events and group activities. I'm really surprised they are having a sports days from the 1980s. I didn't think they existed for 5-yr-olds any more.

@VivienneDelacroix

So you stop sports days , you got to stop school shows , school prize giving , school assemblies
Not every child will want to take part in a school show , not every child will win a prize for doing well academically

@snitzelvoncrumb

Why are they pointless
Beacuse some kids don’t enjoy them - what about the kids who do ?

Some kids don’t like , maths , english but we don’t tell don’t try , don’t turn up for the test

Why is sports day different ?

How many parents are sitting watching the children who struggle at English or Maths? Whereas on sports day lots of parents are watching and can see how good or not your child is.

But why does that matter? A race lasting a few seconds isn't really going to give a good idea of how good or bad someone is at sport as a whole anyway. Most kids in a running race will all finish at about the same time anyway, with a couple of standout kids finishing faster than the rest. I don't think most parents would be judging the other kids - they'd be watching theirs.

At my boys' school they had charts up in the corridors showing who was on which book band level and who had memorised which times tables. So all the children, and their parents when they visited for regular parent/child craft sessions could see who was 'top' and who was 'bottom.' The whole school could see. Wasn't that more humiliating for whoever was bottom than a 30 second race?

I totally agree. Sports Day can be humiliating for the kids, and as a parent I get bored out of my skull sitting there in the heat for 2.5h watching 7 year groups, having to chitchat with other parents and pretend that I and my kids enjoy this day. Competitive sports should be left to those who love it and are good at it. In my case it put me off exercise well into my 30ies because I was reminded during every PE lesson how slow and uncoordinated I am.

I don't agree with displaying academic abilities in this form either. Not sure if its that common though; its certainly not a done thing at our school. Whereas sports day happens everywhere.

School swimming competition day was the worst for me. No parents but multiple years all crowded around the swimming pool. You had to walk past all of your class mates in a swimming costume, jump or dive into the swimming pool and then swim x number of lengths.

Except that I am visually impaired, this was in the days when prescription swimming goggles were really expensive and my parents couldn't afford them and my teachers wouldn't let me wear an old pair of glasses for swimming lessons.

So I couldn't see my class mates, I would walk up the side of the swimming pool but I couldn't see where I was headed, I would jump into a pool I couldn't see and swim down until I finally could see the end.

I couldn't swim properly because when teachers had demonstrated the strokes I couldn't see them and at the end I couldn't see where the door to the girls changing room was, where the showers were or more importantly where my glasses were in my belongings.

Honestly compared to that sports day was a dream. I might not have been able to see where I was aiming the javelin at but so long as it went in generally the right direction it was fine.

So for me if sports day was removed, but swimming day remained then the only sports related competition would have been one I couldn't even see properly.

And yes you could remove swimming day but we had some excellent swimmers who deserved the opportunity to showcase their talent

I don't think sports day or other competitions should be removed, I do think the formats should be carefully considered with a mix of competitive and fun items and consideration given to those who may have physical limitations.

I don't think I've ever won anything at sports day but I know I quite enjoyed the ones at secondary school where there were a mix of events which you had to choose 3 to compete in, you moved around in groups and only a small amount of people were at each event at a time and it was very relaxed and chilled.

At the primary that our dc went to they did practice for sports day in PE so that everyone knew what to expect, this also gave teachers the chance to group similar abilities together so every event was pretty close. They did running, jumping, throwing and obstacle course events. There was teachers and parents tug of war and a parents running race. Everyone who competed got a sticker for each event so they all came home with a t-shirt full of stickers which they loved. Overall it was a competition between the 3 houses with the winning house being presented with the trophy at the end of the day. Points were awarded to everyone taking part and higher points for 1st 2nd and 3rd. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

@Toarrie It sounds as if you’re not very happy generally with your dc’s school.

why not see if there are any alternatives in the area that you’d both be happier with?

I think most schools have other sorts of attainments though, don't they? Maybe just a private school thing, but our non selective had sports days, sports competitions, musical performances, drama competitions, points for good behaviour, points for good work, both team and individual, and every week individuals and teams were awarded cups, academic prizes, ballet prizes. It was rare indeed, that someone didn't get points or prizes for something. Being kind and helpful could earn you points, so just being a nice person.

Sports day at our kids school is all about teams. Each child is put into a group they all have to wear the same colour and every event is a team event, relay running, obstacle courses and so on. It means every child is getting cheered and encouraged by their team mates. There are inter-schools athletic competitions which the fastest most athletic kids compete at and represent their school, they do trials for these (no parents attend the trial and it is voluntary if they want to do it) no need to do a school one of those too.

Also awards for "bravery" for injury's or sad times.