AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

At my 5yo's party, his best friend's parent also had to bring their younger sister, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to come and my 5yo would have been gutted. Having her join in wasn't a problem at all.

I find it weird that most parents of five-year-olds expect to stay at the party with their child. It would definitely have been drop-and-go when I was that age.

It sounds as though you struggle to understand normal social behaviour, tbh.
Hopefully your children will have learnt this from someone else.

Thanks for confirming my suspicions that many parents who do this are just selfish and inconsiderate.

Party hosts similar to you (stroppy, but with a larger venue) will take issue with parents dropping and running rather than just asking if siblings can come along because host doesn’t want to watch all the kids herself.

I don't think it's many tbf... as with most things, there's always one though 🙄😂

I don’t think yabu and you’re welcome to rant about it. Is it really that hard for some posters to read an OP’s posts? She literally said she politely declined those who asked and came here to rant.

I think it is strange to ask because if the host wanted or could accommodate siblings there surely they would have said so on the invitation. If the invitation is addressed ONLY to your child, then only your child should be going. I can understand asking if it is a drop off kids and adults leave party but to ask if a sibling can come, no.

It’s not on the host to accommodate one’s lack of childcare or make another parent’s life easier. If they can, that’s great but it shouldn’t be expected.

it's not a strange comment at all.

If they wanted the younger sister, she would have been invited. Maybe the birthday child wanted to invite more friends, maybe some cousins or a neighbour and numbers were limited.
Very cheeky to bring someone els!

as long as you had enough books/ toys/ tablet to make sure the little brother was quietly entertaining himself, I am sure it was fine.

If you expected the younger one to join in and the parents to pay for an extra guest, then yes, that would be very rude!

This. Must be a newish thing as was never expected to hang around at kids parties when mine were small

Why would a sibling be left alone at home? The parent stays with the sibling. Obviously, in a year 1 party, the parent doesn’t stay at the party!

Agreed.

Rude to ask for a drop and run party.
If parents are expected to stay then some
people will ask and that is fair enough.

I think it depends how it's phrased really. If my child can't attend a party because I don't have childcare for the sibling, then I state that in my rsvp. I don't ask for the sibling to come, but do make it clear it's the reason and they can then choose or not whether to invite the siblings.

If the party is at a venue (say soft play or cinema), which is also open to the public, I ask the parents if they mind me bringing sibling but paying for entry - i.e. not asking for them to be part of the party.

I have a 5 and 6 year old. Every party to date has involved a parent staying, drop and go hasn’t even been suggested although we do sometimes group up, take each others children and watch both/all 3. I wouldn’t be comfortable dropping and leaving my child at a public venue either - I don’t want the host parent to get caught up if they need toilet and am not comfortable with them going alone where there are lots of other adults around

Unless party is at home or the venue is hired exclusively by host (latter uncommon due to cost), I won’t be dropping and leaving

There was a thread about year 6 leavers parties where parents were expected to stay and supervise. At 11 we'd have been absolutely cringing at the thought of our mummies staying at a party to supervise us.
I'm fully expecting to have to attend my children's Freshers weeks at this rate.

I had a gymnastics party for my then three and five year old last year.

Someone brought along twin siblings who were 8 'They love gymnastics, they come here all the time!! Tinkly laugh. When I told them where the party was they insisted!!'

They took over entire areas, doing their gymnastics, not caring if a preschooler went flying in the process. Mother stood there proud as punch.

It was literally unsafe and inappropriate. The venue left it up to me to either manage their interference or kick them out.

What I used to do with my two eldest is ask if they wanted parents to stay or if we could just leave the children, as if I was needed to stay I'd have to see if anyone could watch the sibling before I gave a firm yes or no for the invited child coming. Generally then I was told to bring both of them. If they had just said 'a parent will need to stay' I would have found childcare for the sibling or turned down the invitation. And if we were allowed to leave I just dropped off the child and went back at the end of the party. I would only ask if it was a day I was on my own with the kids. If my husband was off work then it went without saying that he looked after whichever child wasn't invited.

I was a bit annoyed when both of mine were once specifically invited to a party (they were close in age) but loads of people brought siblings who hadn't been invited. So when they gave out sweet cones at the end the entertainer had to say 'only come and get one if you were invited to the party' but loads of siblings nabbed them anyway so my child who was invited, but not in the actual class, had to go without.

I had a party for my youngest the other week and two families brought siblings without asking. It was at a soft play and we had exclusive use so I didn't mind per se but as they just turned up without checking first I did find that rude. And both families came with two children and two adults - so the other adult could have looked after the non invited child elsewhere!

Who on earth puts 'no siblings allowed' on an invite? Would you do that for an adult party? No, you would take the named person as the only invite unless it stated 'plus one'.

@LaffTaff

I think 'many' is fair in my experience. We had a party for my 4 year old this year. We invited 18, all accepted.

On the morning of the party, two mums messaged to say that their kid was really excited about the party but something had come up and they wouldn't be able to make it unless sibling could come. I said ok to both but explained that I wouldn't have enough party bags if everyone turned up. Turns out the 'something that had come up' for one family was the mum going out for brunch. Regardless, these kids were no problem.

At the party, another 4 kids turned up with at least one sibling and 3 of these had entire family (mum, dad and siblings). Space was tight, food ended up being stretched. A couple of older kids got involved in the party games and beat all the 4 year olds. Some of them also nabbed a party bag so 2 of the invited kids didn't have one.

There is now pretty much nothing these parents could do or say that will stop me from seeing them a selfish, inconsiderate twats.

This thread so didn't disappoint, All the cheeky fucker selfish entitled parents out in force

I personally don't mind if people ask. When DD had a party we invited some of the elder siblings as they are in the same class as DS so it was some kids for him to play with.
What did really annoy me was the mum who just turned up with a sibling having not bothered to ask me at all. Mum at no point even addressed it or said anything to me and her daughter was incredibly rude and snatched a party bag resulting in one less for a child who had been invited! Neither parent or child said thank you either. If she'd asked beforehand I'd have probably said yes and would have then made sure that I had enough supplies!

I think it depends - there's bringing a sibling because a parent (for whatever reason) doesn't have any other childcare options, and there's bringing a sibling as an active participant in your child's birthday. I'm very sympathetic to parents who don't have other childcare. I've said yes, and had many show up and make it very clear to the sibling they are basically to sit there and not participate, not eat the food etc. The parent comes prepared to entertain that sibling separately. I didn't ask them to do this, they just did it. I've also had parents show up with siblings unannounced and then act like it's totally fine for those siblings to have cake, to take a party bag. Etc . VERY rude. One particular instance was much older siblings (perhaps tween-age) showing up to my DD's fourth birthday at a all, which featured a bouncy castle and glitter tattoos. The siblings got tattoos bounced on the castle and took like five party bags. So effing rude. I was pissed. But it wasn't as rude as the mom who dropped off her 4 year old and said 'he'll be fine' and walked off. I said, I'm sorry I cannot specifically watch your kid. When she came back, she couldn't find his shoes and jacket and got mad at me.
That party was the last time I did 'everyone's invited'. Now it's only good friends of DD and only kids with parents who aren't total CFs.

If it’s a party where you can drop and run, I’m totally on your side with this. When they’re smaller (say 4 or 5) and you can’t, I have a bit more sympathy with it. Because, generally, you’re asking people to give up a chunk of their weekend for your child’s benefit. And that eats into time people might have as a family together. And looking after a toddler on your own is not as nice as a family day out. So I have a little bit of sympathy in that scenario for a mum or dad who doesn’t want to be lumbered with solo babysitting and would prefer to go cycling or whatever (therefore gaining back some benefit from the arrangement). But there’s no need for it with older kids who can be dropped and collected - you just say no thanks if it doesn’t suit.

I’m in the minority, it seems, but I agree with the OP that it is rude even to ask except for babes in arms - like no older than 18m-2y. Then I would think it was fine to ask.

For a party where parents expected to stay, more polite, I think, would be to decline, saying would have loved to come but (optionally insert special reason) so I can’t arrange childcare. Then the host is under less pressure and can feel more comfortable saying, Such a shame - another time. Or alternatively, Oh please do bring X.

Why didn't you just say 'no, that isn't for you'? I am all for being polite (which is why I endured a CF parent previously), but a rude child making another child who was invited leave with nothing is not on.