AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

Oh sorry, just seen it's fine for them to drop and go. In that case, YANBU.

Always had siblings too. Some people won’t have a choice to not bring them. I really find it very inhospitable that some object to this reflective of general attitudes to children. Parents of only children are the worst for this.

I wouldn’t dream of taking a sibling to a party, yes people did this when mine were little. Didn’t even ask. I always had to take a few spare party bags as they’d be expecting one too

I don't think its rude to at least ask. Politely. And accept the answer whether it be a yes or a no.

My children hardly ever go to parties as I don't have childcare for the others.

I think it depends on the party and the age of kids. Young kids where parent is expected to stay, many will have to have a sibling with them otherwise they can't stay for the party to supervise the invited child ....you need to choose if you want both or none.

If it's older kids and the parent is expecting to drop the two of them off and then skip off until pick up time then it is not unreasonable to say no.

I e had parties at my house and if a sibling was tagging along behind mum or dad I would ask if they wanted to stay - but often it was because I knew the kid, and I'd have to say to the parent that I could feed the child but wouldn't have a party bag.

I think there is an age where it is rude, as you will obviously drop and go. There is an age where it is rude NOT to invite siblings, when they are tiny and you are really inviting the mums you like. You are right in the middle - I think it's fine to ask.

What attitudes to children, exactly?
From the people hosting a children’s party?!

Not rude to ask if you have a genuine need to bring siblings due to childcare, however I wouldn't be expecting a party bag or food to be provided for any siblings I needed to bring. Parties are expensive enough for the children who are actually invited to attend. I wouldn't expect any extras to be catered for and neither would I cater for extras myself. When both parents attend with all the siblings in tow though I do find weird more than anything. Why subject both of you to the noise and chaos of a 5yo party when only one of you had to endure it?? 😄

I usually hire a massive hall with an inflatable and put on lots of food so if never bothered me but now it's smaller parties in places like flip out where it's £25per child so no, can't have siblings.

In the minority, but YANBU in my opinion.

The childcare thing is for them to work out. If they're not single parents and they don't work shifts, it's not unreasonable to expect the other kids to stay at home with their other parent. It's not really your problem how people arrange childcare for their kids. They can decline if they can't work it out.

If it was a party I was hosting at home I wouldn't mind but if I'm paying for a venue, then I wouldn't accept siblings and I would consider it cheeky to ask.

Seems to be against the grain but I’m with you op - it’s rude to ask - especially when it’s a pay per head event. People are banking on the host feeling too awkward to say no but older kids quite often don’t want toddlers running round their party! Obviously it’s different if it’s at a public venue - playcentre etc and the parent pays for their other child and occupies them and doesn’t expect them in the party room etc.
If I didn’t have childcare for my youngest I would just rsvp saying I can’t make it as I have youngest. Parent can then say ok thanks for letting me know or on one occasion a parent did say loads of siblings were coming and it was fine (not a pay per head event) but outright asking if an extra child can come (and be paid for) is really rude imo.

Yes I do think it's rude to ask UNLESS the parent had a dire emergency and desperately needed childcare. Or unless you are expecting the parents to stay anyway to help out.

My kids are grown up now but we hosted many parties for them and I don't recall anyone ever asking this. Perhaps attitudes have changed in the past 10 or so?

A lot of parents at kids parties I’ve been children to have come with a friends parent who has kept an eye on both children as well so unless your kid has no friends I can’t see that the no childcare option is actually the reason. They just likely want their younger child entertaining as well/don’t want to put up with a tantrum due to the youngest not going.

Depends on the party, the age etc I think. I really don't think it's ok to turn up with the whole fam without asking (or at all actually!) this seems to be a thing now.

I don't remember my parents staying at any parties in the 80s, but I do remember them running off practically whooping at their 2 free hours 😂 and my brother never came to the same parties I did at any age.

DD's last class party was when she was in Y1. She wanted a big party, and a big party she got! Whole class plus others from her year she was friends with. I invited some of the older siblings myself as I knew them anyway and they were close in age.

The entertainer we had was much anticipated by all and absolutely amazing, really unusual and special, and a couple of people who couldn't come originally as they had plans actually changed their plans and changed their RSVP, someone asked if they could bring a same age cousin. I said yes to all as I knew the entertainer was happy for up to 120 people (!).

We had a huge hall with great kitchen facilities, all the gazillions of kids got fed, loads of adults stayed to see the show, it was a truly awesome afternoon people still talk about now. Luckily I had overbought party bags tho....

The only sibling I said no to was a 2 yr old, it frankly wasn't safe for them as so many excited older kids. The mum had said either could she bring the sibling or leave the invited child so it wasn't like she couldn't come if her sibling couldn't. I know them well so just explained why, no problem.

I agree OP, you wouldn't get a wedding invite and ring up and ask if you could bring 4 random relatives along. The invitation is for the specified child. If it means you can't attend due to lack of childcare, so be it.

Thinking about this more, maybe things have changed and parents are expected to stay with their child at parties? Is that the issue? Then it makes more sense that they'd want to bring younger siblings.

My eldest first went to a party aged 4 (nearly 20 years ago now) and naturally I stayed with her as she was anxious and didn't know the family (neither did I). I was shocked then by how few parents stayed. I recall that one of her friends from nursery was visibly distressed by being left- her mother told me breezily that if you started staying to parties with them, you'd never be able to stop. 😳 I obviously didn't agree but, as I said, barely any of the parents did stay, so must have had the same view. (It was one if those invite everyone at nursery although we don't know any of them type parties.)

The thing is with a good old party is that you can invite a class of 30 and even if every single one of them said they were going to come you can guarantee you will still only have 20/25 turn up if your lucky and when you have paid for a certain amount anyway you may as well get your money's worth. Always better to over invite so to be honest I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I find it more weird when people have twins. They seem to think that because their kids are twins they should both be invited. I find it rather sad actually that the twins can never be invited individually without the other one going too. I would’ve hated my siblings being at the parties I went to.

Exactly this! No wonder we have been raising a society of children with literally no resilience. I have DC’s and I’ve never stayed at a children’s party, why on earth would I - my child is with their friends, and it’s a party for children! You drop them off, go and have some me time, pick them up later. Having to be the host once a year and supervise approximately 25 children is enough, I wouldn’t put myself through it or expect anyone else to every time they get a party invite!

If it’s a large party I don’t see it as a big issue although I think it’s polite for the parent to send a text message first to check it’s ok. It can’t always be helped.

It completely depends on the party, if parents are expected to be there it’s understandable that they may need to bring a sibling. I think it’s very rude to bring siblings to drop off parties, there is a mum at school who asks to bring her youngest to every bloody party (whether it’s a a home or an activity) and leaves them there to be looked after.

I would just respond with a polite ‘sorry but their isn’t room in the house and the entertainer has specified an amount I can’t go over, but I’m happy for you to drop Emily and go, I have your number if I need to contact you, but she’ll be fine’

I don't really understand the need for child care though.
Once they are at school it's drop and go.
Do all the parents literally stand there watching at a party ?
It's part of children's development for them to get used to being around other people without their parents and for siblings to learn that you aren't always invited and that's OK.
Mine loved telling all about it and rating the food 😂

It depends what sort of party it is. Soft play I would expect parents to pay for siblings. We invited the whole class to my daughters and it wasn’t per head so it didn’t matter although I was worried about exceeding the maximum. I didn’t need to worry as bug did the rounds anyway and we had 12 guests and I was happy for siblings to help eat the food as well. It’s not always easy to find childcare and if it was a close friend I wouldn’t want that to be a reason for them not to go.