AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

I think it’s rude as shit, especially if it’s a planned party, a bit different to a free-for-all in the garden, though party bags and food have to be considered.

I suppose, at least they asked. We had people turn up to our wedding with four uninvited (primary to teen) children, and demanded we rearrange the tables and arrange catering for them. Now that was impressive gall. Not seen them since, funnily enough.

Yes, of course it’s incredibly rude to ask for siblings to be included in someone else’s birthday party. 😳😱

Surely, the invited child doesn't want their (younger) siblings hanging around either?

I know many of the kids in my son's class have siblings that can't just be not included (single parents, no child care help at all, SEN, etc) so we always make sure the venue is somewhere where siblings can also attend (even if the other parent pays the fee for entry) and we always make sure there are extra party bags and cake.

I know what you are saying. I have had similar issues at bowling for one of my older DC. Booked for 12 and that was expensive enough and three parents bought their younger DC. One of the DC insisted on having a go at bowling resulting in one invited not getting a go. At the food the three univited all tucked in leaving no juice and less food for the invited. I know say on the invites sorry invited Dc only due to numbers.

Depends on the party really, play centre parties my kids friends have said siblings welcome but you'll have to pay them into the play centre, they are obviously not part of the party. Whenever we do this they always end up eating with the party because people always dropout last minute, it's been paid for already so party parents are happy to say eat the food. Other parties are often thrown open to siblings too, eg anything in a hall rather than paid per head so they've hired out the venue and bought a load of food, everyone welcome. Then there's a few quite wealthy families who will invite the entire family on a day out/to watch something etc, both parents, any siblings etc (them paying!). 95% of people in my children's classes have more than 1, they get it so if possible throw it open, if its not, someone might ask and it's met with a no, no harm done. People work, people have other things on, just because you are a 2 parent family doesn't mean both of you are free in the middle of the day on Sat or in the early evening straight after work.

It absolutely is rude to ask, you are then put in a difficult situation of having to say no. If your kid is invited to a party, why would you assume your other kids can go as well, if they were wanted, they would have been invited, obviously.

Thank god we never had to deal with this when my kids when younger, I really don’t know how we managed ??? It was mostly unheard of then so why can’t they manage now ?

That is really cheeky! I'd have told them to book a lane as it was invited kids only in a situation like that!!

I feel extremely sorry for the invited children in these circumstances where the hosts aren't prepared to step in and say no. Very unfair and I wouldn't take my child to one of their parties again just to be disappointed because the birthday child's parent can't cope with unruly children.

I don't think it is rude to ask - especially if you have not been clear on the invitation. It would be far ruder to turn up without checking!

Aren't we all guilty of the 'I could stay and help, but obviously I'd also have to bring...' ?

I think it depends on the party! There are some parties where it is clear there are strict numbers. Costs per head. And others where it is a big hired hall/ in a family garden and buffet snacks.

I've never had to ask, but I have not been offended when others have. I'd be more put out by random children showing up though... As I would not have catered appropriately.

Also, parties which are clearly priced per head at venues/ with an activity attached it is clear that extras cannot come. I have seen a few class party invites which have said siblings can join for X amount before - usually where it is a party room in a shared event space (bigger softplays).

What's unclear about an invitation addressed to the invitee?

If siblings aren't mentioned then they aren't invited.

At a drop off it's rude
At a stay with your child party it isn't rude as some people have no childcare

An invitation given to a named child is perfectly clear, don’t be daft 😂
Anyone asking to bring more children is not in any way confused as to whether they’re welcome or not.

Our posts have crossed. But I've given examples where there is unlikely to be a strict cap on numbers (hired church hall/ party in family garden) usually less formal. Obviously the invite is for the invited child alone - but I have been asked when I have hosted similar parties before if it would be ok if baby sibling could be there too. That's usually for childcare reasons, or babes in arms. I've never been offended at those asks.

I would raise an eye brow and say no, or they would have to pay X for their own space if it was an activity party like bowling.

@Hannahsbananas please see reply above to @SkyandSurf

How is it not clear? It's clear on the invitation who is invited because their name is on it.

I must be living in a parallel universe because I have never heard of so many rude parents. If your child can't go because for whatever reason their parent needs to stay with them (not the norm in my experience) and they have other children to look after then they decline the invite. Everyone expects a few not to make it because they have prior engagements.

For me, the only think that is acceptable is to ask another parent you are good friends with if they can take your invited child and you'll repay the favour the next time. If they say they can't then again, decline the invite. Stuff happens. It's about the birthday child who will have other friends or family there, not yours.

I think there's a big breadth of responses here based on the ages of the children of the commentors. My child is 4, so I only have experience of stay and play parties. And as No2 is not yet here and I have good childcare support, I've only been the person asked if it is ok not the askee.

Have you read the other comments I have made? I have responded to this a few times already. :)

I do think it’s rude to ask, if it’s in someone’s own home. Obviously you’re not going to be able to accommodate a load of toddlers as well, or a bunch of slightly older ones.

A baby I could understand.

If it’s at a public place such as soft play ans you are asking “are you ok with my paying for my toddler/ older child to come in also, of course I’ll be paying for their food” then obviously that’s fine. Not that you’d need to ask really.

Ok you can say no if they ask, but it’s just uncomfortable. Worse if they just bring them of course!

If the parent replying has got a husband/ wife/ partner there’s no reason to being said toddler. If they are a single parent , and the party child is still as little as yr1, so not necessarily a drop off, I’d understand.

So when YOU receive an invitation to a friend’s birthday party, you’ll ring up the host and ask if it’s ok to bring your younger unmarried sister because she loves parties too?

Of course you don’t.

You understand full well that the party invitation is for the named person only and to ring up and ask for an extra place for someone unconnected to the birthday friend is clearly the height of rudeness.

So why don’t the same rules apply to children’s birthday parties?

The birthday child doesn’t need random kids getting involved. It completely spoils the vibe of the party.

So many CF’s on this thread!

@SkyandSurf You really need to stop being a people pleaser. You do realise that your lack of a backbone to say a firm NO will be detrimental to your children as they grow up, especially if you have girls, don’t you?

Yes it is extremely rude to ask! Its even ruder when parents don't bother asking and just turn up with siblings and expect them to stay!

This sounds really familiar to what I have seen.

I think it's rude to ask. No 5, 6 or 7 year old wants to be sharing their birthday parties with random toddlers.

But round here the convention is when they start school parents drop and leave. P1 all class parties are fairly common, without added siblings.

No, I was quite happy to drop one off and deal only with my others instead of offering to deal with 20 other kids 😆bad enough doing it at my own children's parties 😅