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Original poster

Lies you tell your kids (lighthearted!)

163 replies

JeremyBeadlesLobsterHands · 08/06/2023 09:25

Today I told DS we had run out of croissants. We hadn’t, but we only had one left and I really wanted it. I’m sat eating it now and it’s the best croissant I’ve ever had.

anyone else want to confess their little white lies they’ve told their kids?

OP posts:
SandyIrvin · 09/06/2023 10:57

If you lie your tongue turns green.
The night light has a beam which zaps anyone with bad intentions if the cross it.
Jamie Oliver is a personal friend and would be offended if they didn't eat his recipes (it worked don't ask me why - only confessed i don't know him when eldest was 10).
I

Boredandbitter · 09/06/2023 12:15

My kid was nagging while I was washing up at the sink. I told him a final No quite sharply and in the reflection of the window in front of the sink, I saw him pull a face at my back. I said " I saw you do that" and heard him gasp. He said " how did you see what I was doing?" I said that straight after giving birth, mummies are taken into another room and eyes are inserted under their hair into the back of their head so that they can always watch their children and keep them safe. He believed this for a good while...

SussexSeaGal · 09/06/2023 12:18

You're not allowed to buy chewing gum until you're 18.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/06/2023 12:36

zoomiesdrivememad · 09/06/2023 10:03

Not necessarily a lie but if we ever go to a toy store and my son wants something, I get him to smile holding whatever it is & I take a picture and 'send it to the birthday fairies' so they know what he wants.

Absolutely wildly made up but he loves it and stops the tantrum of why he cant have it at that time.

I then also have a camera roll of things he would like for his birthday when the time comes 😂

I am making a mental note of this for use with future GC 😁

Gistbury · 09/06/2023 13:05

The park is closed
The beach is closed

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 09/06/2023 13:09

That stroopwafels were only allowed to be eaten when drinking coffee which they thought meant that they tasted of coffee. It was years before they found out the truth.

TisforTucan · 09/06/2023 13:20

Mines pretty bad..

There's a smelting works we pass occasionally when we see family, we've told DC that's where naughty children go and get crushed into new good children 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

Ffion21 · 09/06/2023 13:32

At the fun fair one of the rides was £10! For three minutes!

I told him we had to get off as you had to be 16 to ride (he is 6).

icebearforpresident · 09/06/2023 13:37

I told my kids sweet potatoes were SWEETIE potatoes. Not only would they eat their veg, it meant I didn’t need to give them a treat after dinner because they had their treat for dinner.

When I was a kid my mum used to make a roast dinner every Sunday, usually roast chicken but occasionally roast beef. I didn’t like roast beef so would never eat it, until one Sunday our roast was something new from the butcher called rolled chicken. Yes, it was actually beef and not only did I enjoy it I used to ask for it. I was about 12 before mum told me the truth 😂

steppemum · 09/06/2023 13:43

DazeOff · 08/06/2023 23:31

I've done similar. Had a few glasses of wine and forgot so told DC the tooth fairy must have a backlog and giver her a few days 🤣

Show quote history

I was seriously crap at being the tooth fairy, so our tooth fairy often sent letters.

tiny scrap of tissue paper with mini mini writing with excuses and stories as to why she was late. Also used the time one swallowed a tooth and one was lost in the playground.

tissue paper then filled with glitter and wrapped around a coin.

kids LOVED it

Twosonsdogs · 09/06/2023 13:59

Veg with roast dinners always proved a problem with DS2 who would only eat carrots and peas. I liquidised the cooked broccoli in the gravy he adored and told him it was herbs.

Georgyporky · 09/06/2023 14:01

Teddy's gone to visit his Mummy, he'll be back tomorrow ( when the filthy thing just has to be washed ).

catzrulz · 09/06/2023 14:07

AnneElliott · 08/06/2023 13:16

I used to tell DS that mummies have special eyes in the back of their heads which meant we can always see what the children are doing. DS used to search my hair for those special eyes!!

I used to worry about my Mum getting shampoo in the eyes in the back of her head.

phoenix72 · 09/06/2023 14:54

It's amazing how many cakes and sweets we have in the cupboard in our house that "have alcohol" in them. Crispy creme doughnuts? Alcoholic. Expensive biscuits? Alcohol in those too. That really nice Thornton's fudge? You guessed it... alcohol. Such a shame the kids can't have them! 🤣🤣🤣

Geordiebabe85 · 09/06/2023 15:09

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 09/06/2023 09:09

That I don't know why cocomelon isn't on our Netflix anymore, when actually I went into the account and specifically blocked it so it doesn't show up.

You can block cocomelon???? I bloody love you!

momager1 · 09/06/2023 15:12

My lie was about pizza. My children loved pizza, and we would have pizza every couple of weeks as a treat. Unfortunately raising 3 kids with me at that point a sahm was tight for us and we worked within a budget. I found a great deal on a pizza stone and got a good recipe for pizza dough. I made my own. They turned their noses up, not as good as the pizza shop they said. Husband said "try making it round instead of square so it looks more like a delivery one" I did. They still turned noses up. My husband scoffed it, much less greasy and way fresher tasting. SO. I went to said pizza shop. begged to buy just a box. He gave me one laughing at my explanation. So next pizza treat night, asked kids what they would like on their pizza (no surprise, cheese , bacon and pepperoni!) I sent them to the basement to their playroom to play and watch some tv and I bunged a pizza in oven. One yelled up, mum, getting hungry, what smells good (he was about 7) I lied and said that I was making a pasta for daddy's lunch tomorrow but don't worry pizza will be here soon. Pizza done, I bunged it in the box, went outside and rang doorbell, kids came running just as i walked back in with the pizza box in hand, closed door mostly over and said to the invisible pizza delivery man, "Thank you so much have a lovely evening". LMAO.. took the pizza to the table and they devoured it. Even said "see mummy , way better than that blech homemade type" Our daughter was the eldest at 8 and said, funny that pasta smelled more like pizza, to which I said yep it is a pepperoni pasta. Oh ok. lol. Next time I cooked it on the pizza stone out in the bbqto avoid the smell in the house. I actually got away with this until they were in their mid teens . I got busted because I asked them to clean the garage . I had gone to a restaurant supply store many years before and bought a case of 500 unassembled pizza boxes. I forgot to move them and my son walked in the house holding them with a look of total disgust on his face BAHAHAHAHAHA... sorry , not sorry. My daughter now makes that Pizza recipe for her family and refuses to shell out the price for takeout!!

ZacharinaQuack · 09/06/2023 15:45

@momager1 you are an actual genius.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 09/06/2023 15:59

@Geordiebabe85 haha yep! I think you need to be on the browser, rather than the tv app. But in settings you search for what you want to block, and then once blocked it's like Netflix just doesn't have it. So far it's only cocomelon that has annoyed me to this extent.

MooseBreath · 09/06/2023 16:08

The park is closed.
The shop ran out of donuts.
Peas will make you run faster.
Hulk only lets big boys who wee in the toilet be in the Avengers.

billyt · 09/06/2023 16:14

Approx 1990. Taking our girls on holiday so driving to Gatwick. There had been an air accident either that day or the day before, Air India I think.

Anyway, we were about half an hour from Gatwick, happily listening to music on the radio and the news was about to come on. I quickly turned it off so the girls didn't hear about the plane crash. Told them my radio didn't work in that area. All went well, great holiday.

It was many more trips before they realised one day that my radio could work in that area.

Told them why many years later. Grin

Pandorasbox2 · 09/06/2023 16:19

When DS was little he would refuse to get out of the bath, so I told him a monster lived under the bath & liked to drink his bath water, that's why the bath made the noise when I pulled the plug, it was the monster slurping the water. If he didn't get out the monster would be thirsty. Totally backfired! He was then terrified for ages to actually get a bath because of the monster 🤦🏼‍♀️! I had to convince him the monster was friendly & just needed a drink! 😂

TheCatterall · 09/06/2023 16:34

this chocolate eclair I’m eating…. No sweetie it’s not choclate. It’s liquorice. I know you don’t like liquorice so you finish your fruit/whatever…

momager1 · 09/06/2023 16:54

Just was reminded by my husband of another lie. Yes again to do with food. Our daughter was 6 (eldest) and resisted potatoes unless in chip form! Said yuk every time. I was taking her home with me to belfast for a family wedding for two weeks while my husband stayed home with the boys (and his mother, as he worked full time so needed help during the day) Anyway, I warned her for weeks before, I warned her on the plane . I told her that in N. Ireland, potatoes were apart of alot of meals and since she was a big girl , and I was taking her on her first plane, that she must NOT be rude. She must eat what was put in front of her , that my aunties were good cooks but I promised that I would take her out on our last day for whatever food she wanted as long as she was good. She was SO good. She hoovered the potatoes everywhere and she even ate PEAS!! omg. She told me that Irish ones tasted better. Got back to Canada and YEP instantly did not like potatoes or peas. So. I told her I had a surprise one sunday dinner. Told her that since she loved irish potatoes and peas, my auntie jean was now sending me them from Ireland every week. And just like that, she never turned down mash or peas again LMAO. soooooo suggestible aren't they?

golddustwomen · 09/06/2023 16:58

I'm another 'it's too spicy' also 'this chocolate has nuts in' they aren't allergic but they don't like the nuts they have tried Grin

justanothermummma · 09/06/2023 20:11

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 09/06/2023 09:09

That I don't know why cocomelon isn't on our Netflix anymore, when actually I went into the account and specifically blocked it so it doesn't show up.

Wait.. you can do that?!?!