Lies you tell your kids (lighthearted!)

[JeremyBeadlesLobsterHands]

Today I told DS we had run out of croissants. We hadn’t, but we only had one left and I really wanted it. I’m sat eating it now and it’s the best croissant I’ve ever had.

anyone else want to confess their little white lies they’ve told their kids?

Mine were all the usual - “mmmm, delicious, thank you”; “what a lovely cup of dishwater tea!”

For a while, when mine were little, I used to tell them the music meant the van had run out of icecream. Lasted about 5 minutes, they always know I'm winding them up.

Paternal grandad invented the Internet. Yes, this did happen in S. Wales, because obviously back in the day the Internet was coal fired, so it was close to the source of fuel 😆

(he worked in IT for the council)

When you swallowed your tooth it took a couple of days for the tooth fairy to give you your money, because she had to get her goblin associates in the sewers to find it in your poo.

I used to tell DS that mummies have special eyes in the back of their heads which meant we can always see what the children are doing. DS used to search my hair for those special eyes!!

You know those big fluffy seeds that are like giant dandelion seeds?

On a whim, I told DS1 when he was a toddler they were "fairies" to give him a sense of wonder at watching them blow around. We'd see them in the stream, the fairies are having a bath. We'd see them clumped together, they're playing with friends. It was very sweet.

I had to disabuse him of this when he was 7/8, apart from anything else he liked watching the fairies but was scared to touch them and I didn't want him teased at school for running away from fucking seeds. It took several attempts for me to persuade him they were seeds, after my mum had already shown him them coming off a plant.

Shortly after, he also stopped believing in Santa and the tooth fairy - I guess he figured out that if mum lied about this one magical thing then it was all lies.

I love this thread. You lot are geniuses!

That the occasional butter bean tastes like butter - you have to be really lucky to get one!

I also tell them the ice cream van plays music when they’ve sold out.

That fish was swimming chicken (they didnt want to eat fish and liked chicken). It worked and they ate it

That the sweeties on the shelves by the checkout were for ‘the other children’ so we couldnt have them

That you grow when you are asleep, so the more they slept, the taller they would be

That a noisy toy was broken when I had actually taken the batteries out of it

When we moved to France I told them that you could only buy baguettes made in white flour, all other sliced bread was brown. It lasted about six months. They were 10/12, so could have easily rumbled me but they hated supermarket shopping.

🤣🤣🤣

I used to use this but she's 6 now and likes spicy and most foods so nothing is safe :-(

There's a little man on a chair behind the wall at cash machines...

You can get a job as a man who pours salt in the sea...

Their faces lol 😆

DD recently passed her driving test so I took her to show her how to put fuel in the car. I told her to get out of the car and she looked blankly at me for a second and said “oh yes, I won’t be arrested now I’m 18 will I?”
It seems she really really believed my “fib” to keep her in the car when I was going in to pay for fuel while leaving her in the car when younger

Mummy's car can't play any kids music, only the rental car on holiday can.

A week straight of Geckos Garage songs... torture.

3yo: Can I have one of those?
Me: No, it's frog food, we don't have a pet frog
3yo: oh, ok (puts freddo frog choc back on the shelf)

When dd was a toddler and had been at the park for well over an hour: The park is tired, it needs to go to sleep.
When dd was 3 we got an electric garage door. I taught her to say “open sesame” to open the door and “close sesame” to close it.
I also told dd that eating vegetables would make her hair shiny. She was probably about 6.

Our tv is too old for YouTube now

@AnneElliott Teachers can have eyes in the back of their heads as well; before my classroom was updated, I had cupboards either side of the whiteboard with glass doors (now considered unsafe) but I realised that they reflected enough for me to use them as rear view mirrors.
Turn to write on board, quick glance, "Jamie, stop leaning over and nudging Josh, you're distracting him." Awed hush.
I learned this one from my own schooldays; our music teacher, when facing away from us to play the organ, had a car rear view mirror at eye level; took me ages to work out how she did it.

That if you eat more than one ice cream/ice lolly a day you will freeze like Ana in Frozen and not be able to move.

The tv and iPad are regularly broken.

I always tell my kids that they can't have something I am eating as it's too spicy or got marmite in it.

Come right back to bite me tho - at Easter I asked my 3 year old for a bit of his Easter egg and he told me 'no it's got marmite in it, too spicy for you mummy' 🤣

With the exception of things like Father Christmas, I don’t generally lie to my kids. I don’t think it’s healthy and it’s a temporary easy way out.

I’d rather them have the tantrum once or twice and learn that they can’t do X because of Y or have A because of B than lie.

"Potty's gone on holiday" when DD who was very comfortable on the toilet randomly started wanting to use the potty again. The potty wasn't on holiday, it was in the cupboard, but I didn't want to have to clean poo out of it anymore 🤷

Why would you not just say “we don’t use the potty anymore, we use the toilet now” rather than lie to her?

Absolute genius!

That, if you clean the back seats of the car, it's the law that you can keep any money you find. I never planted any 50p pieces, etc. Not me...